To ask for your “not so Mumsnet” life hacks

[anothernameagain000]

While I’m a sucker for great tips to save time on ironing, cut down my cooking times and being a domestic whizz, as it’s friday evening and I’m bored - tell me your more down to earth tips... such as - “carry a spare hairband in a nightclub to help those throwing up to keep hair back, or the best way to get out stains when baby just crapped on your new carpet!

If you run out of mixers for spirits, break up a few ice pops and put them in the tumbler. I did this last night

@mentalunload 😂 💐

I get regular save the children people knocking at my door asking for donations. Well I did until they knocked while my three were arguing in the back ground and the guy asked me "would you like to save the children?" And I just blankly stared at him and said "why would i want to do that i don't even like my own". Now they walk straight passed my door. (I do like my children really)

@oohoohmrpeevly I really want your friend to do one step further with the purees and rather than decanting them into Tupperware, just run the unopened jar under the tap so the label looks battered and then tell them she's taken to reusing jars for the homegrown pureed gooseberry.

@MentalUnload I like your tips!

Short on me time? Totally touched out? Want to learn how to meditate but finding it difficult?

Go to a Quaker meeting and sit in blessed silence for an hour, no floor sitting required.

Only half joking.

@SistersOfPercy I wasn't fussed about the F&B finish, I just fell in love with the colour :)

Birthdays do not start until 8am.

I may have invented this when babysitting 3 children who kept themselves awake until after midnight to celebrate a birthday.

Jehovah's Witnesses keep a list of houses not to visit, get yourself on the list and watch them disturb all your neighbours.

Unbirthday presents.

If you are not good at remembering birthdays, particularly when you can remember one sibling's birthday but not another, just send all children in the house an 'unbirthday' present at the same time.

Donthugmeimscared

When I was about 10 someone knocked on the door with a tin, she said they were collecting for the national children's home.

My mum dragged me and my brother tot he door and thrust us at her saying, "here you go"

For spam phonecalls, let them do their bit, then tell them you need to get your mum as you're not allowed to speak to strangers. They usually hangup and often done call back.

When someone knocks at the door (salesman, JW, religious cults etc) just start talking gobblegook really quickly. They won't have a clue what 'language' you're speaking and realise they have no way of trying to communicate! I made the mistake once of using my limited french vocab to try and fool someone but they spoke french so I had to just shut the door on them and hide.

Oh! Always carry flipflops in your handbag. I won't buy a bag that can't carry my flops.

And another one. Wear flipflops in the rain if you're just nipping outside for a short period (to the corner shop, walk the dog etc). You just need a towel to dry your feet and no wet socks!

An old one but the pets excuse reminded me of it...keep get well cards on the mantlepiece so that unexpected visitors think you've been too ill to clean!

Tell small DC that the sweets and chocolate around supermarket tills are spicy and chilli flavoured, for grown ups only.

Also, let them eat nuts, raisins and a banana for breakfast and call it Monkey Breakfast.
Very useful when hungover.

SleightOfMind I remember when my DS1 was tiny I overheard a mum tell her toddler, ‘no you don’t like this it’s spicy’ and I logged it for future use! Comes in extremely handy.

See also: ah the ice cream van is playing his music, he must’ve run out of ice cream

I plan to read the whole thread later.

But for me; wipes!
Window wipes, bathroom wipes, floor wipes, work surface wipes.

That and the tumble dryer followed by a vigorous shake

Not eco friendly I know but it works for me on a busy day.

I hate cleaning the tray for the highchair. I give Dd2 a small cup of water after dinner and let her have fun. When she is close to being finished I give her a cloth and she wipes it down every single time.

I'm on my own at weekends a lot with 3DC. I work out at the local gym that has childcare. Except, I don't work out. I read a magazine, snooze and take a shower on my own. It's bliss.

At work I always BF for the first year…those 15min cat naps in the lactation room saved my sanity.

I don't do wipes other than baby wipes. Glass cleaner and glass cloth and multipurpose cleaner and rag are my cleaning products.

Oh I answered the wrong thread

These are my practical and sensible ones.

Non mn ones.

Paracetamol and water next to the bed before you even go out.

Tactical vom when you get back

Fresh as a wilted daisy the next day.

Take a picture of your naughtiest child screaming and use it as a screen saver on your phone - 3 times mine has been returned to me when they have picked it up, seen the pic, then seen me wrangling said screaming child across the playground/supermarket/car park.

Dress all your children the same in unusual and bright colours. That way when one of them inevitably runs away and people are asking what they are wearing you don't have to waste time explaining, you just point to your other child and say THAT!

Buy one of those sets of different coloured sharpies and when you don't have time to properly clean the loo and quickly squirt bleach everywhere including your trousers you can colour the white spots in in the closest colour.

Lower your expectations. About everything.

Thanks for the laughs 😂

In the winter. Get unusual and brightly coloured hats with a big pompom for your children so that they'll be easy to spot if they wander. If you are shorter than your partner, do the same.

Always have a dog or a baby to blame farts on!

Christmas presents disappear if a child gets up before 7:00am (I have very very gullible children).

I tried the threatening to dance trick in Tescos today -worked like a charm.

Yes to garish and odd colour combos on days out. Mix strips with checks clash like anything - you’ll always fine them.