Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

What to say diplomatically?

90 replies

fluffyrobin · 03/08/2018 14:04

I am due to go on holiday for a week with my lovely friend. I love her to bits and we get on really well, but there has been an issue that creeps up every time which I would just like some help with please.

She always insists we eat out, or if we cook together, she insists we cook (and eat) huge amounts.

I love food but I simply cannot eat the vast quantities she loves. But then she will worry that I'm not eating or not eating enough.

What can I say that is kind as I don't want her to be upset. She admits she has a weight problem and it is a sensitive issue for her.

OP posts:

TopShagger · 03/08/2018 14:06

I'd imagine all you'd need to say is "that was delicious! I'm stuffed! Couldn't eat another bite!"

I mean what possible argument can she make against that?

HollowTalk · 03/08/2018 14:07

But if you eat out, surely you just order what you want to eat?

KinkyAfro · 03/08/2018 14:08

Just stop eating when you've had enough, if she tries to get you to eat more then tell her you've had enough. Sounds like she feels guilty about the amount she eats and wants you to have the same so she doesn't feel bad

Original poster

fluffyrobin · 03/08/2018 14:08

Yes, my choices are the problem here. How much and what I choose.

OP posts:

Camomila · 03/08/2018 14:09

Are you going sonewhere sunny?
I'd probably say 'my appetite goes in the hot weather' which is true for lots of people.
At lunch time I'd probably say 'i'll just grab a sandwich so i can swim after'

That way it all sounds holiday/hot weather rather than her eating more than you in general.

Original poster

fluffyrobin · 03/08/2018 14:10

I'm full doesn't cut it with her. She'll want to chat with me later about it.

OP posts:

Original poster

fluffyrobin · 03/08/2018 14:11

So want some advice about how to broach the 'talking to' as diplomatically as possible.

OP posts:

Original poster

fluffyrobin · 03/08/2018 14:12

Yes, sunny and adventure packed!

OP posts:

TopShagger · 03/08/2018 14:13

I'm full doesn't cut it with her. She'll want to chat with me later about it.

In which case it's foot down time as far as I'm concerned.

"What I eat and how much is my business, any more of this food lecturing and we'll be falling out"

TheStoic · 03/08/2018 14:13

‘I don’t want to talk about food’ and change the subject every time.

SB1189 · 03/08/2018 14:13

You are an adult, so you get to decide how much you’d like to eat. You say ‘no thanks, I’m full’ put your knife and fork together and continue conversation on a different topic. If pressed, politely say “would you mind if we talked about something else please?” and move on.

Original poster

fluffyrobin · 03/08/2018 14:15

Ok so time to harden up then...

Funny as I wouldn't dream of saying to her you eat too much.

OP posts:

WipsGlitter · 03/08/2018 14:15

How does she talk about it later?

Be blunt and say "look this is your problem not mine!"

Returnofthesmileybar · 03/08/2018 14:17

When you are finished eating just say "that was lovely", knife and fork to the side and move on with the conversation, if she makes another comment just say you are full. If she brings it up again later then just nip it in the bud and fuck being diplomatic "Did you get a job with the food police? Why are you so interested in what I eat?" She'll shit on about it some more and then be firm "Mary your interest and constant comments on my food are too much, we'll just have to agree that I am a big girl and choose what I eat for myself, it's not up for discussion anymore" and if she goes on again then say "For fuck sake mind your own fucking business", honestly she sounds painful

Original poster

fluffyrobin · 03/08/2018 14:20

She'll worry about me if I don't eat as much as her. I don't want her to worry about me!

But not sure I can find the phrase to stop her worrying.

OP posts:

TheStoic · 03/08/2018 14:22

You won’t stop her ‘worrying’. You just need to stop her talking. Suggestions have been given above.

TopShagger · 03/08/2018 14:22

Why would she worry about you? I'm sorry I don't understand? Are you dangerously underweight?

Elphame · 03/08/2018 14:25

I doubt she's worried about you - more that she wants you to validate the amount she eats.

HolyMountain · 03/08/2018 14:25

She knows she over eats and encourages you to eat more to assuage her feelings of guilt?

NameChangedAgain18 · 03/08/2018 14:27

Be blunt and say "look this is your problem not mine!"

^this.

TrickyKid · 03/08/2018 14:27

I doubt she's worried about you. Sounds like she's trying to normalise her over eating.

MikeUniformMike · 03/08/2018 14:28

Eat your food slowly so that you don't finish before her.
It's her problem not yours.

Allfednonedead · 03/08/2018 14:29

You need to channel my mother, who believes it is the height of rudeness to talk about food choices, beyond ‘yes,please’ and ‘no, thank you’.
If someone brings it up, she looks vague and non-committal, then firmly changes the subject.

RatRolyPoly · 03/08/2018 14:29

Are you very, very slim or something? When you say it's more than you want to eat, is that because what you want to eat is two stringbeans and a single falafel??

rookiemere · 03/08/2018 14:31

Just to check OP are you a normal BMI? The only justification I can think of for her behaviour is that you're dangerously underweight and are eating less than 1000 calories per day.

Flip

1 2 3 4