Fuck people like this. Seriously, nobody needs people in their life who feel entitled to a say in whether they should have a life or not. We all pay into the system so that disabled people can live as normal a life as possible, not so they can be chained to a radiator and live on pot noodle. That is there if we need it ourselves as I know all too well.
I struggled for years with an invisible disability which thank God is now under control in most ways, meaning my career is on track, I can work just like anyone else does etc. but it takes effort and it took time/different treatments to get to the point where things are relatively managed.
Two people in my life I couldn't avoid (BiL and OH's best friend) saw fit to act like I was a burden on the state and they were entitled to constantly treat me like shit. These people were not privy to the details of my condition and never fucking will be, the shitheads but apparently some paperwork of mine had been seen while we were moving house that showed I was getting DLA and it had been gossiped about.
I found out about this in two ways. Firstly I fought through horrible debilitating symptoms one day to accompany OH to best friend's mum's house for lunch. I was struggling a bit. The conversation got to plans for the future. When asked I said that I hoped to advance my career and study X at uni, whereupon this woman (the mum, who I didn't know, in a group of people I also mostly didn't know) raised an eyebrow at me and said "nah I don't think so, you'd have to work for it" which was apparently hilarious. This is how I discovered that it was being circulated I was claiming despite there being "nothing wrong with me" in the expert opinion of some arsehole who considered themselves an honorary doctor.
Then I had BiL who apparently drew conclusions based on the same "bombshell" information, who had passive aggressive digs literally every time we were in each other's presence for several years, and made me feel like shit at a time when I was going through the process of rebuilding my life. This despite not knowing what my problem is AND DOES NOT TO THIS DAY because fuck him.
Cut to now, some 15 years later and the right approaches have been found to manage (for now) my challenges, and for some years I have through force of will been back on the career path I was on before thjngs got bad (and done that university course as it happens). Things are still a struggle but I lead a pretty much normal life. I forgave OH's friend and family for what I saw as, sorry if I sound awful, but bluntly ignorance and stupidity rather than malice - as we got closer there were profuse apologies and you can't ask much more than saying sorry for mistakes. However, following a career change arsehole BiL is now a carer for people with disabilities, some of those people have the same condition as me which I find hilarious. He has also had a political "awakening" and is now right on as fuck in public, while being about the same person in reality (although these days I am both working full time and have a zero tolerance policy towards bullying so he picks other targets). The other day I had to read a long diatribe on facebook about how people can have invisible disabilities "don't you realise" and people who judge them as works by etc are the scum of the earth (compared to him of course, the most stand up guy that ever lived), when will the ignorance end, and so o n.
I so nearly revealed my diagnosis to him on that post and said "where is my apology then you cunt? Apparently you have behaved like the scum of the earth to me - your own words". I am confident he would look as bad as he is if I did this.
I didn't, though, because I actually feel sorry for him. There is no disability as debilitating as being a total unmitigated wanker, at least I can get treatment to manage my condition, his not so much. Also, on principle I won't beg someone like that for apologies, approval or anything else. Also also on principle I won't be a party to disabled people having to answer for themselves to every pleb who thinks they are the world's pip assessor. Fuck those people.
I'm really sorry for the long post, apparently I needed the catharsis and have done it all over your topic! Anyway, if he wasn't BiL I would have cut him out of life long ago, and I think you should do the same - ain't nobody got time for that shit, the most you will get from such people is that they conceal their ridiculous opinion when challenged. That's not a friend.