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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 10 year old and 13 year old ds on their own whilst I work???

100 replies

Dickorydockwhatthe · 03/08/2018 01:47

I work as a manger in a nursery term time but I hate my job see other AIBU. Im struggling due to anxiety issues and now desperately need another but struggling to find term time. I have no child care in the holidays but struggling to find any other hours or clue as to what I can do.
I’ve have however seen a job that’s all year round but hours are 11-2.30pm working in a nursery as a meal time assistant which is literally 2 doors up from where I live (which is either a good or bad thing 🤔). However it would mean leaving both ds on their own for 3.5 hours.

OP posts:
Aragog · 03/08/2018 01:53

13y should be okay for that length of time.
However, I think 10y is too young to leave alone, and it's not really fair for 13y to have to be in charge every day. Within a year or so they are going to want to be out with friends I'd have though.

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/08/2018 01:57

Is the issue with holiday childcare that there isn't anything suitable available or that it's all too expensive?

I don't think it's a good idea to leave them home alone for that length of time every day during the holidays.

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 03/08/2018 02:05

On the wages I wouldn’t be a keen to afford holiday club to make it worth while and I doubt ds 2 would want to go go to a holiday club either. I’ve stuck my job out long enough to fit around them both but I really need to leave as I’m not happy and bringing all my stress from work home and stress from home to work 😞. My manager isn’t the most understanding doesn’t understand that of my child’s sick I don’t always instantly have childcare. Just had enough.
Ds 2 will be in year 6 in September so is at that awkward stage of being too old for clubs (according to him) too young to stay along.

OP posts:
Threeminis · 03/08/2018 02:47

I totally sympathise, I recently gave up a nursery manager job. It was the worst time of my life! So stressful, no support etc.

Could you find a childminder or something for your youngest? It would only be for a couple of years at most.

AjasLipstick · 03/08/2018 02:59

I would usually say no but 3 and a half hours isn't that long. I also have a 13 and 10 year old and I have left them together for that long BUT because I know I can trust them. Does the younger one have any friends who would have him for a playdate? That's what I do with my younger DD a lot....and I reciprocate too.

QueenoftheNights · 03/08/2018 07:19

Are you looking for a career or a job to make some money? What would happen to your 10 yr old when they are too ill for school? Would you leave them alone? Unless you are literally out the door and back between those times with no extra time before or after your core hours, it's more likely you will be out from just before 11 to 3pm- too long imo to leave DCs that age.

Why don't you look for work as a TA or lunchtime asst in a school? Or do evening work of some kind like in a supermarket? If your priority is not to work during school hols, there are ways round it with other jobs.

Nodancingshoes · 03/08/2018 07:29

I think. I would leave them. You would be very close by and they are in year 6 and 8 - sounds reasonable if you think they are sensible enough x

IVEgotthePOWER · 03/08/2018 07:35

Is there a neighbour or someone they can go to if there is an emergency?

I get what you mean about the awkward year 6 stage of too old for holiday club. Have you looked at sports clubs though? Near me there is a football club and a multisports club that run between 9-4 the costs are nothing like using a nursery holiday club think £8 a day instead of £38

newplacenofriends · 03/08/2018 07:35

I think the problem is that because of the type of work you do, I am assuming you won't have your mobile on you, and be able to answer the phone to emergancy and even non-emergancy questions (like the fuse has gone out what do we do).

IVEgotthePOWER · 03/08/2018 07:36

Meant to say a sports club might be more appealing to him and have more dc his age

Toomanycats99 · 03/08/2018 07:38

My 10yo dd has been left regularly since start of y6. Usually only for hour max but there have been a couple of occasions up to 2.5 hours. If it was starting now and you were straight into summer holidays 5 days a week I would say no. But assuming by the time you give notice etc it will be September. You could take a couple of days each school holiday and maybe organise a couple of reciprocal play dates then you would only have a couple of days each holiday to worry about until well into next year which I think is doable.

WaitRun · 03/08/2018 07:40

I think it's fine as 13yr old is there to look after if needed.

continuallychargingmyphone · 03/08/2018 07:43

I think that’s okay.

RedSkyLastNight · 03/08/2018 07:47

I think that would be ok as well. DC could always come to find you in case of an emergency (and if like my DC at those ages will be off out with their friends in any case). Do you have another trusted adult who lives nearby they could also contact if there was a problem?

Shaboohshoobah1 · 03/08/2018 07:48

I leave mine for that long & similar age - 10 & 12, so I can go to work. 3 hours max. They are so happy to have unlimited access to their iPhones they don’t even leave the sofa! If you can trust them then I think at that age it’s fine. Have a contingency plan in place for if an emergency happens - make sure they know what to do etc. You also need to be sure they won’t fight, fall out etc - luckily mine get along well so it’s not an issue but if they tended to argue I would have to re-think. I also make sure they have enough snacks - very important!

adaline · 03/08/2018 07:52

I think it's fine but it's quite restrictive for the 13yo as it means they can't go out with their friends while you're at work.

Can you not arrange alternate care for the 10yo some days so the 13yo can go off and do their own thing?

BluebellCockleshell123 · 03/08/2018 07:53

I have 2 DSs the same ages as yours and they would be absolutely fine on their own for 4 hours. I think they'd love it actually! They have been used to being on their own for short periods though and do get on really well.

I think it really depends on the maturity of the children and how well they get on together.

callymarch · 03/08/2018 07:54

Have you considered being a childminder yourself?

W0rriedMum · 03/08/2018 07:56

If one of your current issues with work is that they don't understand if your child is sick, will the new one understand that you need to answer your phone at all times and potentially leave immediately if something came up (caller to door, one gets sick etc.)?

If not, I think you still need some childcare.

Seeline · 03/08/2018 07:56

I think it's fine too.
However, I never left my older DC in charge. I didn't think it fair on them, or on the younger one to be ordered around. That could lead to nasty fights. I always left them to look after each other and be sensible.

DorothyGarrod · 03/08/2018 07:57

That’s fine. Just set the rules etc and they will love it.

SugarIsAmazing · 03/08/2018 07:58

I think it's fine. I leave my ypungent two home alone for similar amounts of time and they're the same age as yours.

WeirdCatLady · 03/08/2018 07:59

It really depends on your 10 year old. I would happily have left Dd as she is calm and responsible. Some of her friends? Not in a million years. You know your dc best so only you can answer the question.

EvaHarknessRose · 03/08/2018 08:02

I think it could be ok, depending on how trustworthy they are and how they feel about being left alone. Would you pop out to the shops or a neighbours for half an hour now without them? Its close enough that in an emergency they could come and find you. I think that job could have prospects for you too if in the future you want to work more hours.

rubyjude · 03/08/2018 08:02

Could you possibly get an au pair, if youhave the space, of course? Holiday clubs are crazily expensive, one for both of them every day would be, what, around £30 absolute minimum everyday? (round here they're about £25 for one day minimum just for one child, let alone two). So £150 per week minimum? I've never had one, but apparently Au Pair's get about £70-£80 per week, at least then you'd have someone at home with the kids?

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