To leave my 10 year old and 13 year old ds on their own whilst I work???

[Dickorydockwhatthe]

I work as a manger in a nursery term time but I hate my job see other AIBU. Im struggling due to anxiety issues and now desperately need another but struggling to find term time. I have no child care in the holidays but struggling to find any other hours or clue as to what I can do.
I’ve have however seen a job that’s all year round but hours are 11-2.30pm working in a nursery as a meal time assistant which is literally 2 doors up from where I live (which is either a good or bad thing 🤔). However it would mean leaving both ds on their own for 3.5 hours.

At 13 and 10, they really ought to be able to fend for themselves for a few hours. Mine were alone at home for a couple of hours a day after school from when they were 9 and 7. They coped fine - I’d brought them up to be resourceful. (Not that I had a choice, being widowed when they were babies!)

I would report anyone who left a 9 and 7 yr old in alone. It's far too young to be responsible if there was anything like a fire, electrical fault, strangers at door.

It sounds absolutely fine to me. They're old enough to be left, and you're very close and easily reachable if they need you. A 10 year old doesn't need much 'child care' in their own home so it's not an unfair burden on the 13 year old the way looking after a much younger sibling could be. They'll probably spend most of the time with TV/Xbox anyway, and should both be able to sort out their own lunch.

metoodear guess you would have had kittens about my year 5 dc catching bus, walking home, letting themselves in and waiting for me to get home from work as they'd outgrown the afterschool club. Not the only one in school and no safeguarding concerns just sensible kids who have been taught what to do

Dickory
I miss the kids and the staff so much, it pains me sometimes to think about events like end of term and the first day back at school when all the leavers would line up ready for school.

I don't miss the pressure, the absolute lack of support or the shit wages.

Don't think 'locked in' is ever a good idea (but maybe that's a miscommunication and the 'instructions on how to get out' mean doors/windows locked rather than locked in).

I would suggest you run through 'what if' scenarios and what to do. Always sensible when you start reaching kids to go out/stay home alone.

I think some posters here lack imagination.
If you are going to leave two kids that age for 4 hours over a lunchtime, how's that going to work? Are they going to have their lunch prepared for them first? Is the 13 yr old going to make it and use a hob? Or sandwiches with a knife? yes a 13 yr old can use a knife. Can the supervise a 10 yr old if they want to?

Have they been taught what to do if strangers come to the door- ie to read the meters, deliver parcels, etc.

Do they know what to do if a fire breaks out or one of them has an accident and cuts themselves badly?

Or chokes?

None of these are LIKELY but COULD happen.

The issue is not the 13 yr old so much- but they would be housebound for a good chunk of the day.. but them being responsible for the 10 yr old.

littleducks

Not kittens just would of reported you to ss and the safe guarding team

My DD started secondary a month after her 11th birthday. No way would I have insulted her by getting an au pair to watch over her for a few hours.
If kids have been brought up responsibly, they should be quite capable of looking after themselves for a couple of hours.
They don't answer the door or phone whilst on their own. They have their own mobile which they can answer as they know who is phoning and they have a list of people to contact in an emergency. They know the basics of what to do in the case of fire etc. They are certainly capable of getting a simple meal and using a knife!

Leaving them over lunchtime? Why could the OP not just make them sandwiches before they leave? Rather like a school packed lunch. No need to look for imaginary problems.

I couldn't have left mine for that long at 10, but by 12, no problem. That's my DC, though.

I would leave them. Sure they will be fine.
Like you said your only a few doors away. Just give the older your works telephone number to contact you in case of any problems.
Also if you speak to your neighbours just ask them to keep an eye out.

They will be fine. My now 14 year old ds and now 12 year old nephew have been left together at that age and they have been fine.

littleducks my DD would have happily done that, she did it once because I was in a focus group for MN and couldn't get back in time, in September she goes into year 6 and will be making her own way to and from school every day.

Metoodear seriously? For a year 5 child? Aren't we supposed to be teaching them to be independent?

Leaving them over lunchtime? Why could the OP not just make them sandwiches before they leave? Rather like a school packed lunch. No need to look for imaginary problems

If you read my post I did ask if she would make them first!!!

The whole point of looking after children safely is you NEED to look for 'imaginary problems' so they don't become a real problem.

My neighbour has a boy aged 10. When she goes to work part time,, his dad stays in the house (goes to work later) until the boy has left for school. Otherwise he'd be in the house on his own for an hour.

Clearly they don't want that and she's a teacher.

I think it's fine if the 13 year old is responsible. I was babysitting for full days at 13... maybe you could pay your 13yo a little something? Or take them out for a treat at the end of the week or something.

All depends how responsible the children are. Some are and some are not. I used to leave mine at 10 alone for a couple of hours. I also used to send my daughter and a friend off for a 4 hour hack on the ponies at age 11/12, they had a phone and were very sensible, she started going on her own at 12. I always knew roughly where they'd be and the ponies were both of a very sensible type. Think it's all far safer these days with mobile phones with trackers - at that age in my youth we'd go off out first thing in the morning and be gone all day on our bikes, with perhaps a 2p for the phone.

I would for 3.5 hours within spitting distance.

I used to be regularly left at ten years old, and with a five year old sister, when mum was at work I'd have been fine leaving my two DDs at those ages.

I do leave my 13yo and 10yo old at home alone occasionally while I work. I would not have a problem with this.

I'd leave them at that age, especially as you're not far away. That's assuming their sensible, not all 10 year olds can be left alone but mine was and I was left at that age with no problems.

@metoodear have you ever had to report concerns to SS? Not being goady but I do fairly frequently as a professional and the bar you have to reach for SW involvement is quite high. They wouldn't be interested if that was your only concern.

The school has annual permission forms parents sign for children to walk home alone and every school trip/after school club where they finish later than normal school day has a box for 'my child will walk home alone/won't be collected'. And a policy/procedure for if child looses house keys in school.

If SS had concerns about children that age don't you think they would suggest school (which is hot on safeguarding in other contexts) made some changes.

@QueenoftheNights why can't a 10 year old use a little knife to cut a sandwhich?

I'm pretty sure a 10year old can make a sandwhich?

It shouldn't be a problem, and it's not something you're doing out of choice.

If you're not happy in your current job, that's not good for your DC either - and you deserve to be happy too.

If you think your oldest (in particular) is mature enough to deal with it, then I see no problem.

Childcare is really hard to afford, it's not something everyone has the privilege of. I'd just make sure when you're not working your DC have the opportunity to enjoy their time off/have quality time/see friends.

It really astounds me to see the level of mollycoddling of children being recommended by some of the PPs.
How are their children going to cope away at uni when the cotton wool wraps suddenly come off at age 18?
In Germany, kids regularly walk to and from school alone from the start of primary, and use public transport alone not much older than that.
My own kids were born nearly 30 years ago, when most parents were happy to let them play outside unsupervised, go to the park or woods on their bikes etc.
I was most entertained by one PP saying she’d have reported me to SS for leaving a 9 year old home alone after school until I got in from work! As a doctor at the time, I know my SS colleagues were far too busy dealing with the poor kids of addicts, left alone as toddlers in drug squats with used needles and dog faeces on the beds, to worry about a sensible child reading a book and eating a biscuit until mum got home from the hospital!

In theory sounds ok to me. Presuming that by the time you start the new job (if you get it) the summer holidays will be over, meaning Oct half term is the first time you need to do this. That’s a few months older for the kids and a chance to prepare for it. You could also look at maybe taking one day off as holiday so it’s only 4 days and breaks the week up a bit. Maybe arrange for childcare (paid or with a friend) for one of the other days and suddenly its only 2 or 3 days you need to do. The next holiday then is Xmas and presumably you’ll have some time off then too.

Make sure they both know what to do in different scenarios, prepare lunch for them and leave in fridge or agree what they can or can’t mqke themselves. My 10 year old ALWAYS makes his own lunch - although we are in the house - but he’ll make any of the following: sandwich/soup/spaghetti (tinned in Tom sauce)/bowl of cereal/bowl or rice with mackerel in tomato sauce! He is perfectly capable. My eldest (13) can barely make himself a sandwich 🙄

It’s absolutely down to the child - only you know how they will be. If you have an independent, confident child it’s no problem. If it’s a clingy, nervous child then it could be an issue.

As for the previous poster who said they lock their child in I’m shocked. I really hope they meant that they leave the door locked but the kid has a key! As someone else said - if you can’t trust them not to open the door/leave by themselves, they aren’t ready to be left alone. If there were a fire (yes, I know it’s a small risk but it does happen) they HAVE to be able to get out in an emergency. You say they can FaceTime- that only works if you both have internet. So what happens if there’s a fire that started at the hub for example - they can’t get hold of you and are trapped in a burning house with no way of getting hold of anyone.

littleducks

Yes I used to work to ss and a 5 year old walking on their own to school would be looked into
I was also on the local safe guarding board

Also the lady who says she locks her child in the house

littleducks

Oh and your wrong about ss in most cases they have no clue what individual schools are doing

It would be the safe guarding board and they usually only get to find out the crazy shit heads have allowed once their is a issue but having worked as a “professional” you would know all this