Page 4 | To leave my 10 year old and 13 year old ds on their own whilst I work???

Dickorydockwhatthe · 2018-08-03T00:47:00+00:00

I work as a manger in a nursery term time but I hate my job see other AIBU. Im struggling due to anxiety issues and now desperately need another but struggling to find term time. I have no child care in the holidays but struggling to find any other hours or clue as to what I can do. I’ve have however seen a job that’s all year round but hours are 11-2.30pm working in a nursery as a meal time assistant which is literally 2 doors up from where I live (which is either a good or bad thing 🤔). However it would mean leaving both ds on their own for 3.5 hours.

Oly5 · 06/08/2018 16:29

I was regularly left alone aged 10. Knew what to do in an emergency. OP, only you know your children. If you feel they’d be fine and they are responsible, then you can answer your own question as to whether it’s safe

PeppermintPasty · 06/08/2018 16:43

I think it depends on the dc. I have left my two for 4 hours. They are 11.6 and 8.4. My older child already has a key and they both know the emergency drill.

Ds will make his dsis lunch if necessary.

Come September my boy will be coming home on the school bus most days other than when he's at clubs, walking up a hill to our house for ten minutes, then letting himself in. He's looking forward to it.
After school care will carry on for my 8yo.

littleducks · 07/08/2018 19:28

@metoodear maybe there has been a miscommunication....I said year 5 as in school years not aged 5. I agree a 5 year old 'latch key kid' would be an issue.

We don't have local safeguarding boards here.....at least not by that name so I'm not sure what you mean otherwise. Oh and locally SS and schools have very good links and work together really well to inform policies, ensure relevant referrals and a ongoing support for families. Its a shame if that isn't the case everywhere but I suppose is to be expected.

littleducks · 07/08/2018 19:30

I was most entertained by one PP saying she’d have reported me to SS for leaving a 9 year old home alone after school until I got in from work! As a doctor at the time, I know my SS colleagues were far too busy dealing with the poor kids of addicts, left alone as toddlers in drug squats with used needles and dog faeces on the beds, to worry about a sensible child reading a book and eating a biscuit until mum got home from the hospital!

Exactly my experience with SS

Metoodear · 07/08/2018 19:36

littleducks

I was most entertained by one PP saying she’d have reported me to SS for leaving a 9 year old home alone after school until I got in from work! As a doctor at the time, I know my SS colleagues were far too busy dealing with the poor kids of addicts, left alone as toddlers in drug squats with used needles and dog faeces on the beds, to worry about a sensible child reading a book and eating a biscuit until mum got home from the hospital!
a doctor just left her kids locales in a car to burn to death today don’t know everything about CP do they doctors

Waltzingmatilda65 · 07/08/2018 19:36

To be fair the 13 year old should be fine and once he gets to secondary so to should most 10 year olds especially as you work so close by. However, if it’s every day those hours would be a tie and a pain in the arse every day as little time to do anything. I would look for part time hours say two or three days and for the first year you can use your hols around school hols and your partner can take time off and arrange with a friend to have them and reciprocate or pay for odd days at a holiday club for youngest. Round here most kids are left at home after year 7.

littleducks · 07/08/2018 19:42

Sorry I don't understand?

I was just agreeing that I had similar experience with referrals from health to social care.

PrimalLass · 07/08/2018 19:48

Depends where you live. Where I am it would be fine. DD (10) is often awol for at least that long in the day.

Moononthehill28 · 07/08/2018 19:57

I thought legally you could not leave a child under 14 alone? I must say I would never have left a ten year old alone at all, never mind for thee and a half hours. I don’t think it’s right. You are putting the 13 year old in loco parentis. That’s too young .

Waltzingmatilda65 · 07/08/2018 20:09

I don’t think their is a legal age limit a lot depends on the child and length of time for 20 mins half an hour most 11-13 year olds would be ok. But a 13 year old shouldn’t be left in charge of a 10 year old for that length of time every day.

AJPTaylor · 08/08/2018 16:45

I really do think that i live in a paralell universe sometimes. By 12 my dc were too old for holiday clubs. So, like most working parents i left them at home unsupervised whilst i went to work a half hour drive away. Almost every working parent i knew/know does similar. Sometimes they would get on public transport to go see a film or meet me for lunch.
My youngest is 10 and going into year 6.She will be walking home and letting herself in. We live in a small town. I get that dc are different but i struggle with the the whole dc never out of sight or unsupervised once they reach double digits.

Goth237 · 08/08/2018 19:02

YABU, in fact I think it's illegal to leave a 13 year old to look after a 10 year old. It doesn't matter that it's only a few hours, anything can happen in that time and that's not something you should risk.

Goth237 · 08/08/2018 19:03

@AJPTaylor no thought about the illegality of that? A child under 13 years of age is not legally allowed to be left at home alone.

AJPTaylor · 08/08/2018 21:08

Tell me what law it is, please.

User46942 · 08/08/2018 21:16

Do they get in with each other? I couldn’t leave mine together at all as there would be war.

CaseFace30 · 08/08/2018 22:14

As a child to a single mum who had to work 3 jobs, I think 10 and 13 are fine. For 3.5 hours it's not a problem. You can set them some lunch in the fridge, put a dvd on for the 10 year old and then there's like an hour, an hour and a half left? It's a small amount of independence and trust to give to them both as they get a little older.
How do your children feel about it?

PeppermintPasty · 08/08/2018 22:44

There is no such law.

BackforGood · 08/08/2018 22:51

I think that is fine, as you are really local and it is for a short time in the middle of the day.
Yes, all dc are different, but needs must.

Waltzingmatilda65 · 08/08/2018 22:56

There is no such law guidelines are open to interpretation ‘....most 12 year olds are too immature to be left alone for long periods of time’ and ‘....under 16 year olds can not be left at home over night’.
Different times and I am not suggesting you or anyone else does this these days but when I was 8 in the early 70’s I was occasionally left to look after my 6 year old brother while my parents went to the pub two doors down my parents came home and checked on us when they went to the bar or toilet. I was thought to be sensible and responsible and as a perk we got dandelion and burdock and a bag of cheesy wotsits each and I was in charge of the TV so I loved it. But those were different times no way on this earth would I have left my two in the house for 5 minutes at similar ages.

PourMeAGlassOfMilk · 09/08/2018 06:24

Sounds fine to me op. I was babysitting for a 2yr old and 5yr old in the summer hols when I was 13.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/08/2018 06:51

OP you have very little choice or option at this stage
Assuming so family support and limited funds —- this is your reality

Have a family meeting and lay expectations for how you want them to behave and agree safety , contact and emergency procedures
Outside of the the very MC world many people have to do this . It’s reality

Good for you for working and yes keep an eye out for better options

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/08/2018 06:55

I would report anyone who left a 9 and 7 yr old in alone. It's far too young to be responsible if there was anything like a fire, electrical fault, strangers at door

She was a widow

We
All know there is no money , no support for single parents . Benefits are shot to shit

What the fuck else can people do?

Love51 · 09/08/2018 07:58

I think leaving the kids in fine. But there must be some doubt in OPs mind if he / she is asking. So my 2ps worth - I'm often bemoaning who the holiday clubs round here are aimed at - loads if different free or cheap clubs 9-30 - 2.30 or similar. Regular ones ran by the local authority, and sporadic ones ran by churches. And cheap but not free ones run privately. In your position I'd have a chat with the 10 year old about which ones they might fancy. if you do get appointed it will be practically the end of the holidays by the time your new dbs clearance comes through.

PS there is no law about when you can leave a child alone - because it would have to be a very complicated law - most of us would leave a child for 15 minutes a lot younger than we would for 48 hours. Then there is the definition of 'alone' (sibling groups aren't alone, just not under adult supervision). And the fact that just because something is legal it doesn't make it right. So the parent makes the decision and faces neglect charges if they seriously cock up. And an investigation from social care if they mildly cock up, or a neighbour thinks they have.

AJPTaylor · 09/08/2018 09:54

Precisely. There is no such law.. As a parent you make your own judgements dependant on your child/children/circumstances. I have friends who wouldnt leave their kids together because they would kill each other, but would leave one. A 10 year old alone with a 13 year old if they are responsible should be fine for a few hours.
In my 23 years of parenting the worst that has happened is a crow coming into the house! Nice neighbour sorted that out for us. If your kids cant be trusted then fine, but it really is mad to go around quoting made up laws to justify yourself. One would hope that ss would have better things to do than go around questioning parents decisions on how to keep a roof over kids heads. Incidentally the only real issue i ever had was kids who had a parent at home for the holiday letting them go feral and try to spend all day every day at mine eating my food!

Mousefunky · 09/08/2018 10:35

Since you’d be two doors away, I really can’t see an issue. Any younger than ten and I’d be concerned but with a thirteen year old there too, seems perfectly safe. You know your own children and know how sensible they are and whether this is a viable option. If there’s an emergency they can walk to find you quickly enough or I’m sure call you. I really don’t think it’s a biggy. Three hours isn’t long either.