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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 10 year old and 13 year old ds on their own whilst I work???

100 replies

Dickorydockwhatthe · 03/08/2018 01:47

I work as a manger in a nursery term time but I hate my job see other AIBU. Im struggling due to anxiety issues and now desperately need another but struggling to find term time. I have no child care in the holidays but struggling to find any other hours or clue as to what I can do.
I’ve have however seen a job that’s all year round but hours are 11-2.30pm working in a nursery as a meal time assistant which is literally 2 doors up from where I live (which is either a good or bad thing 🤔). However it would mean leaving both ds on their own for 3.5 hours.

OP posts:
littleducks · 03/08/2018 08:03

Although the job isn't term time only will you not get annual leave you can take for some of the holidays?

I think you could make it work, take them out in the morning and/or after work.

The pay off will be you being there every day after school in term time and weekends.

If they are responsibly sensible I would give it a try

Ohyesiam · 03/08/2018 08:05

Mine are around the same age and it would work for them. They would be heavily on screens though, and I’d have to fight that.

pictish · 03/08/2018 08:09

I would.

Bayleaf25 · 03/08/2018 08:09

Or you could get an older teenager babysitter to sit with them for a couple of hours. It’s the kind of thing my 15/16 year old son does to make a bit of pocket money. Other children quite like him because he’s fun, will play Xbox etc, take them to local park, prepare simple lunch, board games or watch a movie. Cheaper than a childminder but hopefully more than suitable for a couple of hours for older children.

Sandstormbrewing · 03/08/2018 08:17

3.5 hours, in the day time and down the road? I would.

rubyjude · 03/08/2018 08:23

Or you could get an older teenager babysitter to sit with them for a couple of hours. It’s the kind of thing my 15/16 year old son does to make a bit of pocket money

I've tried looking for this, Bayleaf, but the 15/16year olds all charge minimum £10 per hour round me, and I'm not even in an expensive county :(

TwoBlueShoes · 03/08/2018 08:33

I think it's fine. If something happens, they know where you are. If they're are like mine as long as they have their screens and some food, they'll be in heaven.

LynetteScavo · 03/08/2018 09:04

I'd say 100% fine for a 13yo. Not so sure about 10yo. I wouldn't, personally.

MrsBobDylan · 03/08/2018 09:09

I think because you would be so close and it's only 3.5 hours in addition to your 13 year old there, I would go for it.

10 year olds near me spend that amount of time out playing with friends, mine would too if I could lever him off the flaming sofa!

converseandjeans · 03/08/2018 09:12

It sounds fine. We have started to leave DD 10 home locked in with her iPod so she can Face time and instructions on how to get out in an emergency for hour or so. Only to do local things. You could build up to it. However it might be good to do some reciprocal play dates and try and get them to do youth club or an activity on some days. As others have said some sports ones round here are £12 per day.

Lazypuppy · 03/08/2018 09:13

I think it's fine.

I used to be left at home for 4 or 5 hours at 10. I just plsyed computer games or watcged tv, same as if my mum was there

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 03/08/2018 09:15

If they're not anxious about it, I'd say they're fine. DD 10 would be very anxious, DS 6 would be happy to be left now! 😂

Strugglingtodomybest · 03/08/2018 09:16

I would if the kids are OK with it.

Oblomov18 · 03/08/2018 09:19

Ds1 has been Left for years because he was fine. Ds2 I just can't because he's a different personality.

MatildaTheCat · 03/08/2018 09:23

Entirely depends on the kids. Some yes and some no.

Babdoc · 03/08/2018 09:30

It sounds perfect, OP. It’s only for a short time each day, you are very nearby if there’s an emergency, you get to spend the rest of the day with them, and it saves a fortune in child care costs. What’s not to like?!
At 13 and 10, they really ought to be able to fend for themselves for a few hours. Mine were alone at home for a couple of hours a day after school from when they were 9 and 7. They coped fine - I’d brought them up to be resourceful. (Not that I had a choice, being widowed when they were babies!)

Butterflykissess · 03/08/2018 09:31

I think its fine.

Brown76 · 03/08/2018 09:37

I think it's ok but I'd try to break the weeks up with maybe a sports club one day, a play date another (that you could reciprocate from 3pm) etc

blinkineckmum · 03/08/2018 09:44

I think it's fine.

Summersup · 03/08/2018 09:47

I think also fine- you are two doors down, and chances are they will be chilling out on tablets, you can then get back and go out together.

The only thing is the 13 year old will have to stay in, and they might want to meet friends.

But- needs must. You need money, you need a job, it isn't economic to pay more out in babysitting than the wage, and the children are of sensible age.

Better work than not for your anxiety as well otherwise it can become a vicious circle of not doing anything/anxiety.

Chewbecca · 03/08/2018 09:51

It would've been ok when my DS was 10. And presumably you'll take some holiday during the school holidays too, so it is not every day, every week? And of course, your DS will be 11 next year, and so on.

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 03/08/2018 10:21

Thank you for the replies. To be honest I’d be happy to do most jobs as long as the hours fitted and it brought in a ok wage. I did love my job but recent cuts, pressure and politics has meant I’ve lost my passion as we I don feel valued and I’m losing my job satisfaction. My mind is completely ticking when I’m home and I do so much work unpaid at home too. So although I have weekends and holidays off I’m knackered or unable to switch off. Threeminus did you regret leaving your job??

OP posts:
Metoodear · 03/08/2018 10:23

Nono no and I am afraid I would report this as safe guarding

13 year cannot and should not be used as a replacement for child care you need a afterschool club or a childminder for the 10 year old for next next year and a half minimum

Metoodear · 03/08/2018 10:27

converseandjeans

It sounds fine. We have started to leave DD 10 home locked in
ShockConfused

Absolutely shocking and if I knew you in RL i would be ringing sa what if their was a emergency 🚨 and they needed to get put so somone managed to brake it his only escape would be locked or what if emergency services needed to get in

If they can be trusted to not open a closed front door then their not old enough be left

Metoodear · 03/08/2018 10:30

converseandjeans

It sounds fine. We have started to leave DD 10 home locked in with her iPod so she can Face time and instructions on how to get out in an emergency

because our first thought in a emergency like a fire or a person braking will be to face time Confused

I am so shocked that locking 10 year olds warrants hardly any response but raising a voice at a child would have cries of ss

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