Is this punishment too much?

[LongHotSummer24715]

We are just back from a week long family holiday which was a bit tainted by my sulky 13 year old DSS. He's at a difficult age & refuses to do anything that he's asked without an argument - and then doesn't do it anyway! On the way home my DH realised that his DS had carved a design into our car door he's a bit old for that kind of behaviour. It's a brand new car & is going to cost a lot to repair. He has no explanation when confronted but did eventually apologise. When he was told he would have to pay for repairs himself (probably not true but he loves money so my DH felt this would hit home) he sulked, shouted & stormed off & now refuses to speak to us.
That's the back story - we have booked a 5 star hotel as an end of summer break before our new baby arrives in Sept. It's my favourite place and stupid money but it is worth it imo. I've told DH that I don't think DSS should be invited anymore as punishment for his shitty holiday behaviour and for damaging the car.
I'm tired, hormonal, disappointed at how ungrateful he is so I definitely could be U. If he was my child I would feel more comfortable deciding the punishment but as he's a step child I'm always worried that I'm over stepping the line.
Would it be awful to bring the other DC and not him? Should I cancel the trip completely as I feel he will ruin it with his attitude if he does come and it costs over 400 a night?

I feel sad for him. Most kids don't do that unless there is something deeper

He pays for the repair.
He goes on holiday in the knowledge he will be sent home if he is a shit.
My ds was a shit abroad at 15 (we took his friend who was horrendous) and we sent them home by plane before the end of the first week.

Two separate issues. If you exclude him from the holiday you can expect more damage to your car over the next few years . Definitely punish and sanction but either he's part of your family or he isn't. What you decide will define the terms.

Thirteen is a god awful age. I was the worst behaved I have ever been in my life between 13 and 16, really horrible confusing years. For that alone, I would cut him some slack.

He needs to work to pay off the debt of his damage. Make him do chores every week to pay it off. I wouldn’t stop him going on the holiday unless you cancel it all together, you can’t just exclude him.

I think something deeper may be going on. It may be to do with his dad having yet another child, it may not be. Maybe something is happening at school/home? Talk to his Mum about it and also to him on his own.

Either cancel it or take him. But please don't exclude a child from a family holiday.

You CANNOT leave him behind. That is way over the top.

You MUST make him pay for some of the repairs though.... and perhaps get his dad to take him with him to the repair place, go through the process of getting the quote, go for a walk and talk to him and come to some agreement about the vandalism and the punishment.

I very much DO agree with the previous posters who say this is him crying out for attention.