To think friend should tidy up?

[sunrainandemmerdale]

I live a few minutes from city centre and I was away last weekend.
My friend was going to town for some drinks with her boyfriend and the hotel was going to be over £100.
I offered her to stay at my house and said she could stay in the spare room.
Got back on Monday and the place was a mess.
She filled my kitchen sink full of water and left the dishes in (all dirty and water nearly over the top)
My sofa had all the throws off and thrown on the floor.
My kitchen table had all the ornaments /flowers/candles thrown all over the floor.
One curtain was open and One was closed.
My bedroom (not spare room) there was no sheets on my bed and quilt cover was off.
They were in my washer (not switched on) and glasses and 2 cans of lager were left on my dressing table .
So angry

@sunrainandemmerdale, is this how she usually treats you or is this level of utter disrespect out of character? Because if it's the former, I don't understand how you can call her a friend.

Shame you didn't take photos to send to her. Would have been interesting to know what her reaction to seeing the state she left the place in when she was sober.

C’mon. Woman-up and say something. Don’t take this slimy phlegm-ball of resentment with you into the future. Purge it with a clear, pissed off text message. Not retaliatory or swearing, just your true feelings. End it with ‘I really don’t know if I can get past this, friendship-wise, I’m truly shocked.’

If she cares about you, she’ll try and make amends. If she ghosts you, at least you know where you stand. But stop this hand-wringing, tepid, British thing. It’s not good for you, long term.

She would be no friend of mine after that. Totally disrespectful regardless of whether she was hungover or not. As for sheets and phlegm in sink Yuk!!! Lesson learnt and don't let her stay again.

Last message to her. Get fucked. Then block her from everything, she's not your friend. She thinks she did nothing wrong, she's grim.

Phlegm in the sink? Really?

Your text was feeble-man up.

I would have sent her photos of the flat and asked her what the crap she was playing at and ask if she actually slept in my bed??!

I would then make it clear that she wouldn’t ever be staying in my house again.

Wow, I'm a housework when it really needs it type person but even I tidy up when I stay somewhere, even hotels. She's disgusting

Are you seriously just going to let her get away with it?

She clearly knows that you don’t like confrontation. That’s why she walked allllllll over you. You don’t deserve to be treated that way!

She's a good friend always has my back etc but she's deffo not a clean freak .
Her house is the same,her car is full of rubbish ..one seat blocked with crap.
I honestly don't think she did it out of malice,I just think she is messy in general but I know it was disrespectful

I’m a proper minger in my own home but would never be so disrespectful to someone else’s!

dirty drunk skank. Game over, why bother with this entitled waste of oxygen?

she regards you as a provider of free accommodation and as a cleaner. I'd be tempted to send her a bill.

You're minimising this @sunrainandemmerdale ☹️

Tell her what you've told us RE the agreement to sleep in the spare room and what she'd left the house in. And tell her you're pissed off, she's disrespectful and she won't be staying again. If she's a true friend (hmmmm doubt it) she'll apologise and try to make it right, and if she kicks off then you see her true character.

What a twat.

@itsBritneyBeach is right, @sunrainandemmerdale - you need to be absolutely blunt and clear with this so-called friend about how many lines her behaviour crossed, and how angry you are.

Eg:

"I don't accept that you 'didn't realise' what a mess you had left - the sink was full of dishes and cold dirty water, all the cushions and throws from the sofa were on the floor, and all the ornaments and candles etc from the table had also been chucked on the floor. Despite my saying you could use the SPARE room, you had clearly slept in MY bed, and had even left 2 cans of lager on my bedside table.

This is beyond disrespectful, and I am absolutely furious with you. I let you use my HOME as a favour, so you didn't have to pay a big hotel bill, and you have treated my home like a pigsty. Rest assured, I will NOT be offering again!"

How you described it sounds awful OP but if it only took you 10 minutes to tidy up, surely it can’t have been that bad really?

Still it was pretty shit of her not to have left it at least as she found it plus using your bed - urgh!!

I would definitely confront her. Ask her if she got the bedrooms mixed up as they had clearly been in your bedroom.

Ask her why there was spit in your sink

I would invoice her for the cost of a professional cleaner and cut her off

She didn’t even realise whose bed she was shagging in? That’s more than a few too many ...

When people show you what they think of you, believe them.

Messy in your own house is one thing but messy in someone else’s is quite another.

Personally I’d be backing away from her her as a friend.

Goodness knows how she leaves hotel rooms..

She's absolutely disgusting.

She's definitely not your friend. I have friends/family who can be messy, but they'd never, ever, dream of treating anyone else's home or property like that.

I'd be reaming her out, then cutting her off and definitely making sure any mutual friends knew about what she did. As a mutual friend, I'd appreciate a heads up so that I knew never to let her into my home.

If it only took you ten minutes to tidy it, the house couldn't have been THAT bad surely?

I didn't say it was THAT bad ,I said the way she left it..

I’d have been very annoyed but cutting off a friend you clearly like is pointless. Just keep you friendship confined to the other side of your front door in future.