To think friend should tidy up?

[sunrainandemmerdale]

I live a few minutes from city centre and I was away last weekend.
My friend was going to town for some drinks with her boyfriend and the hotel was going to be over £100.
I offered her to stay at my house and said she could stay in the spare room.
Got back on Monday and the place was a mess.
She filled my kitchen sink full of water and left the dishes in (all dirty and water nearly over the top)
My sofa had all the throws off and thrown on the floor.
My kitchen table had all the ornaments /flowers/candles thrown all over the floor.
One curtain was open and One was closed.
My bedroom (not spare room) there was no sheets on my bed and quilt cover was off.
They were in my washer (not switched on) and glasses and 2 cans of lager were left on my dressing table .
So angry

She sounds disgusting.

She probably lives like that, and wasn't intending to disrespect you as such. However I don't think I could be friends with such a pig!

I’m not confrontational either, but would say something to her about this, and definitely wouldn’t let her stay again. Weirdly thoughtless.

I’m really, really messy but I’d never leave a hotel room in a state, let alone a friend’s house.

I'm really messy

Me too. Atm there's laundry piled up ready for putting away, and DH is only just doing the breakfast dishes...

BUT, you can guess someone's usual standard, surely, when you walk into their house, and you make the effort to leave it as you found it.

That’s disgusting. I would have to say something and then probably never see her again. She has no respect for you or your home.

so disrespectful you need to tell her exactly how you feel and not worry about possibly losing such a cf friend!x

Grim

Deffo a lesson learnt from me.
I'm the type of person who tidys a hotel room before she leaves.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they shagged on the table aswell 🤮 anti bac the fuck out it and then tell her she can fuck right off of she thinks shes ever staying in your home again! Send her a fucking cleaning bill too.

I would ring her and say here you left this place in a mess and see what she says

Full slut rating. Absolutely revolting, I'd be putting pics and full description on fb. Vile and completely insulting to you. Get a better friend.

I text her last night saying
( you know you could have cleaned the mess up,why was it in such a mess?)
She reply's
(Eeeee so sorry I didn't even realise,had a few too many..I feel so crap)
Who spits in a sink of dishes tho?
When I think of it I feel sick

YANBU to be angry.

YWBADOAP to not say anything about it to this soon-to-be-ex-friend.

(You Would Be A Doormat Or A Pillock)

that’s utter bollocks! “Didn’t realise” my arse now she treating you like you’re stupid, give her what for OP!

One curtain was open and One was closed

I did chuckle at this, hardly the crime of the century. The rest is yuck though

We had a friend who did this to us, a group of friends stayed and her partner kept making digs at us, how we were loaded, had a cleaner, wasted money in his view (because I served up a fresh meal the second night and didn't just give the leftovers from the previous night, and we are not in any way loaded, but he had a major chip on his shoulder)

Anyway when they left their bedroom was basically trashed, quilt screwed up and half off the bed, pillows on floor, what I can only assume were sex tissues under the duvet, towels strewn across floor, furniture misplaced, rubbish laying around.

It was very odd, we all, inc the other friends who stayed, assumed it was a passive aggressive the cleaner can deal with it and fuck you thing from him. I've not had them back since.

I just can't imagine doing that in someone's house. The thing is she even checked the room to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything before they left, and simply left it like that. And she's not slovenly in her own home, so it was clearly deliberate.😱

Message her back:
"I'm so disappointed that you thought it was ok to leave my house in this state. Why had you been in my bedroom and stripped my bed? Actually on second thoughts maybe don't tell me. [Insert list of everything she did to your home] I feel like you have disrespected me and my home, you can't value our friendship as much as I did to have done this to my home, I thought I was doing a good thing by letting you stay."

We cross posted OP but your text was pretty pathetic. "You know you could have cleaned up the mess".

COULD. Could is an option. SHOULD would have been better, along with a few more well chosen words. If you allow people to treat you like this, they continue doing it.

I’d be sending a message about everything that she left in a state. Clearly they had sex in your bed. The phlegm has made me feel a bit 🤢 tbh.

That's horrible. I'd follow up with another text saying "and why did you gob in my sink exactly? I feel really let down, you've totally abused my hospitality and you won't be welcome back"

This may not be typical friend behaviour - sounds like quite drunk an hungover hence being a more rude house guest. I would not invite them to stay again but I wouldn't be ready to cut all contact either.

I'd have taken photo's of her mess.

And then text them to her and asked what exactly did you clean.

And as her feeling crap because not grown up enough to stop before the hard to much up to drink. I'd text back she didn't half as bad as I did finding her phlegm in the sink in amongst her dirty dishes. And not to bother contacting you again as you expect so much more respect from my friends then she is obviously able to give. Then block her on everything you certainly do not need this slob in your life.

'Had a few too many' presumably applies to the evening, not the morning after, when they would have left?

This is a disgrace! I would actually message her about this, say that you are an open and honest person and whilst you don't want to upset her, you need to get it off your chest (no pun intended!) tell her you were really disappointed that she's hadn't left things as she's had found them, and that you were a little bit surprised, and shocked, to see that she had slept in your bed, when you had told her she could sleep in the spare room (reading between the lines, alsmot sounds like she picked someone up and wanted to give the impression it was HER place)
She has crossed over so many boundaries, and has totally disrespected you, and your property.
I'd also tell her, that you have had to buy some new bedding and that whilst you're pleased she's saved £100 on a hotel room, it has actually cost you a lot of time, and money, in putting things right in your home.
I wouldn't let her over the threshold again, and I don't know whether I'd worry too much about the impact on the friendship either - this is taking the piss!

Now that she's replied that I'd find dignity in silence and not reply or contact her any more. And the fact she's only offering a bull apology and then talking about herself shows what she's like, alongside her disgusting behaviour. Cut her out! With friends like that, who needs enemies!