Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To accept defeat by my toddler?

89 replies

NoNarnas · 01/08/2018 17:03

21 month old DS has suddenly gone into tantrum stage. Full on screaming and running round picking up anything in reach and throwing it.

Today he wants juice. I never let him have it and all he has known was water- until he went to an older child’s birthday party last week and it’s all he has wanted since. I’ve given in on several occasions when the weather has been hot just to get some fluids in him but I really would prefer him drinking water like he used to.

Today I’m all out of energy and the toddler is winning. He also has his dummy which Is meant to just be for naps because I cant stand the screaming any longer. I’m hoping tomorrow we can start again!

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 01/08/2018 17:32

He's had juice once and he's refusing water? Wow! He will drink when he is really thirsty, stop worrying about it.

I understand re. the tantrums, though.

LalaLeona · 01/08/2018 17:33

Standard toddler behaviour it does pass

rebelrosie12 · 01/08/2018 17:34

Janet lansbury saved my sanity at this stage. She has free podcasts.

twicethrice · 01/08/2018 17:35

I just put the tiniest drop in his water while he is watching to appease him. Sometimes toddlers will will break you! I was all for boundaries but some days I just am too exhausted!

NonaGrey · 01/08/2018 17:36

Don’t ever give in. Once you have then he’ll just learn that he needs to scream longer until you do.

You can put rules round juice eg only for special occasions like parties but don’t just randomly give in because he cries.

I know it’s hard but you really just need to grit your teeth and stay firm.

FeistyOldBat · 01/08/2018 17:42

Put some juice in his water, about the same quantity as you would with squash. It completely weaned me off neat juice.

Original poster
NoNarnas · 01/08/2018 18:03

He is obsessed with drinking everyone else’s drinks and sampling their food so as other people around him have drinks other than water that is now what he wants.

He is also in to running and hitting at the minute. The more I say no the more he does it! I think a lot of it is showing off as I’m home for the summer whereas he is normally at the childminders in the week where he is obviously perfectly behaved!

OP posts:
Happygoldfinch · 01/08/2018 18:10

I agree with @NonaGrey - don't give in. Let him throw whatever he wants - just don't give him the juice! One moment of weakness now could lead to a lifetime of way-getting.

TittyGolightly · 01/08/2018 18:12

One moment of weakness now could lead to a lifetime of way-getting.

Or alternatively, pick your battles. What happens aged 1 doesn’t set a pattern for the rest of your life FFS.

Happygoldfinch · 01/08/2018 18:15

I think that saying "no" and demonstrating that you mean it is a good battle to pick...

TittyGolightly · 01/08/2018 18:18

He is obsessed with drinking everyone else’s drinks and sampling their food so as other people around him have drinks other than water that is now what he wants.

In order words he’s exploring his surroundings. What’s wrong with that?

He is also in to running and hitting at the minute.

What are you doing about that?

The more I say no the more he does it!

How much are you saying no to? Does he understand what no means? What actions are you showing when you say it?

I think a lot of it is showing off as I’m home for the summer whereas he is normally at the childminders in the week where he is obviously perfectly behaved!

Toddlers and children often push boundaries at home/with parents because it’s where they feel safest. He’s probably just adjusting to you being around more.

TittyGolightly · 01/08/2018 18:18

I think that saying "no" and demonstrating that you mean it is a good battle to pick...

Depends why you’re saying no though, and how, surely.

Rebecca36 · 01/08/2018 18:20

Nothing wrong with giving him juice though, surely? Not all the time but sometimes.

He is having the Terrible Twos a bit early. Don't worry, it will pass. You have my sympathy.

Osirus · 01/08/2018 18:20

You really have to pick your battles. Just dilute a tiny bit of juice with lots of water. It won’t kill him.

When you decide to say no, you have to mean it and never change your mind.

I don’t say no to my daughter very often, but when I say it she listens because she knows I mean it.

She’s only 2 but we’ve not had any tantrums so far. I’m waiting!

Once my daughter as had a bit of juice she goes back to drinking her water. It’s just a novelty.

Grumblepants · 01/08/2018 18:28

I feel your pain. My ds is same age and he has always been hard work. I just feel at times like I've gone 10 rounds with Tyson and just want to lay down and give up. Then DH will saunter in after a day at work and say 'why has he got his dunmy6, it's for bed time only'. And I know he is right but I've just run out of fight.
People say it gets better, but I've heard that since we bought him home from the hospital. Its just different challenges isn't it?

Pengggwn · 01/08/2018 18:32

It doesn't matter why you are saying no, because he has no idea why. For all he knows, juice is toxic! All he needs to understand at this age is that you said no, you mean no and you aren't caving.

For your own sanity, you could be more selective about the things you say no to, but that's up to you!

Original poster
NoNarnas · 01/08/2018 18:34

TittyGolightly- I saw no and move away, often use a hand gensture too. If he continues after 2/3 times then I take him out of the room we are in and sit him somewhere else.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 01/08/2018 18:35

I’ve given in on several occasions

So he knows a tantrum works.

Honestly OP, pick your battles is the best advice I was given.

LookAtIt · 01/08/2018 18:38

I didn't give in with my kids over things like that. I think it's definitely the right thing to do long term. Not saying it was always easy though 😭😭
I was careful about picking my battles though so when I said no I meant it.

I never gave my DC squash or juice as little kids although I let them have juice and the occasional soft drink when we were out when they were older. They are now adults and will normally only drink water . Obviously they will drink other drinks too especially if they go out but most of the time they chose water. I'm counting that is as a result of my excellent parenting 😂😂😂😅
(Trust me I messed up other things so I have to take the credit when I can)

TittyGolightly · 01/08/2018 18:46

She’s only 2 but we’ve not had any tantrums so far. I’m waiting!

Me too. DD is nearly 8.

TittyGolightly · 01/08/2018 18:47

It doesn't matter why you are saying no, because he has no idea why. For all he knows, juice is toxic! All he needs to understand at this age is that you said no, you mean no and you aren't caving.

Disagree. How do you expect kids to become logical/critical thinkers if you pull shit like this? He knows it’s not toxic because he has seen other people drink it. Hmm

BadMoodBetty · 01/08/2018 18:48

Solidarity I have a 20 months old DS who is "flexing his muscles emotionally and physically" and "finding his personality" being a trying little bugger It's hard. I'm working to picking the battles.

Rainatnight · 01/08/2018 18:54

I'm totally with Penelope Leach on this one - even if you re-think your decision mid tantrum and think 'oh, what's the harm in juice', don't give it to him cos it only teaches him that tantruming gets him what he wants.

I feel your pain, I really do, as we're going through quite a tantrummy phase at the moment.

TittyGolightly · 01/08/2018 18:56

Alternatively, what if the completely arbitrary decision making is what leads to the tantrums in the first place.

Have a read of some Janet Lansbury OP.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/08/2018 18:59

@NoNarnas - when ds1 was going through the tantrum stage, I did something arguably much worse than giving him juice.

He’d had a 90 minute tantrum the night beforehand, and it wasn’t yet 9am, and he’d been tantrumming for 45 minutes. I was heavily pregnant with ds2, and had reached the end of my tether - so I was on the phone to dh, in floods of tears, because I couldn’t take any more, when it went quiet. Suspiciously quiet - so I rang off, and went to see what had stopped him screaming.

I found him by the kitchen bin, eating the leftover tortilla chips that we’d thrown away the night before - which is bad enough, but not the worst bit.

I knew that, if I took him away from his oh so tasty snack, he would start screaming again, and I couldn’t face it -so I let him carry on eating, and waited until he had had enough, and wandered away - then I emptied the bin, and found somewhere to put it, where he couldn’t get at it again.

Thankfully he was not ill, and giving in on that occasion didn’t ruin his character! It is a story I shall be dining out on for the rest of his life though! Grin. And it means that, whenever some frazzled parent is fretting about being the worst parent ever, I can relieve their minds.

If I were you' I would give him the juice, but gradually dilute it more and more, until it is the barest hint of flavour - do it slowly enough, and he will not notice.

Swipe left for the next trending thread