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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend and dog.

99 replies

ILoveGreekCats · 31/07/2018 22:19

I've been going out with a great guy for 6 months. We're both early fifties and divorced and really enjoy each other's company. He's got a little dog which he takes everywhere. I've asked him not to bring the dog every time we meet and that it would be nice to spend some time just the 2 of us without the dog in tow. When he picked me up last night to go for a drink and arrived with the dog I was so annoyed and told him that I couldn't do this anymore. I feel like he doesn't consider my feelings and that the situation is just too stressful. Not really asking for advice. Just wondered if anyone had had a similar experience.

OP posts:
bertielab · 31/07/2018 22:22

That's a bit weird. Has the dog got health problems?

Will he go to the cinema, theatre, etc without it?

I think I would ask him why? And keep asking until I get an answer!

Hecksonaplane · 31/07/2018 22:24

What's the issue with the dog? Is it a nuisance or does it stop you doing things?

Oldaintallthat · 31/07/2018 22:30

Lol, my dh used to do this when we first met 16 years ago. I forgot what a pain in the arse it was having this bloody massive boxer dog there.
After 3 or 5 dates I asked him not to bring the dog without checking...he was ok about it. Get rid.

P.S I loved the dog to bits in the end

Sarahlou63 · 31/07/2018 22:32

Love me, love my dog!

adaline · 31/07/2018 22:34

Maybe the dog can't be left alone for long? Not all of them can be.

I think if you don't love his dog being around a lot then he's probably not the guy for you - I mean, I doubt he's going to ban it from the living room in the evenings if you want couples time, for example!

Aprilshowersinjuly · 31/07/2018 22:34

Does the dog monopolise the conversation??

Oldaintallthat · 31/07/2018 22:39

Does the dog monopolise the conversation??
In a round about way they actually do - you end up talking around and about the dog rather than anything else - its easier.

Aprilshowersinjuly · 31/07/2018 22:43

Maybe he lacks self confidence and hides behind the dog?

Miranda15110 · 31/07/2018 22:43

Sorry but I'd call it a day. Your not doggy enough if you don't get it.

SC91 · 31/07/2018 22:44

This was me in my relationship, my dog had to come everywhere with us because he didn't like being left alone. Luckily my partner was fine and accepted him as his own, I don't think we would have lasted if he had acted how you have.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 31/07/2018 22:45

Is it because you want to go to places dogs aren't allowed eg restaurants/cinema type thing?

AtSea1979 · 31/07/2018 22:48

I think April hit the nail on the head. I think it helps him with anxiety or something like.

Smallhorse · 31/07/2018 22:50

I once binned a boyfriend over his 2 dogs.
Badly trained nuisances

Gabilan · 31/07/2018 23:07

One person I nearly met through OLD had a dog which had apparently killed a cat in the past. Since I have two cats and it was evident from one or two of the things he said that his dog was badly trained (and killed other people's pets) I decided not to meet him.

On the whole though, I think if you say to people "it's me or the pet" you'll likely be told it's the pet. I'd happily date someone with a dog and go to dog-friendly places. I'm just not putting up with something that kills cats.

whateveryousay · 31/07/2018 23:11

Agree with Gabilan that most would choose the pet.
As a ‘dog person’, I wouldn’t last long in a relationship with someone who didn’t appear to like my dogs.

Seasawride · 31/07/2018 23:14

Sorry op my dog is our 7th child.

I would ditch you in a heartbeat Wink

Original poster
ILoveGreekCats · 31/07/2018 23:15

The dog is a nuisance when we're out as won't walk on a lead and is liable to wander off. Suffers from separation anxiety so gets distressed if he goes to the loo. Obviously restricts where we go as dogs aren't allowed in some places. I'd like to go for a drink without him holding the dog on his lap. We live near the beach so the dog is always sandy. Even his bed is often full of sand! Basically his life revolves around his toy poodle and I don't think he'll ever change.

OP posts:
buckingfrolicks · 31/07/2018 23:16

is there a clue in your name that you're a cat person?

It's doomed.

MissyMoooo · 31/07/2018 23:18

If I met someone who wasn't happy having my dog around then I would know that person wasn't for me. Love me, love my dog! It's his baby for god sake!!

Greysgirl · 31/07/2018 23:20

If things work out with him and you live together how will you cope with the dog full time? I’m not sure you will and you can’t ask him to get rid of it so is it better to call it off?

If he’s been on his own a while and lonely the dog has probably been invaluable as a companion and it’s a big change for him to exclude the dog and a change he doesn’t seem to want to make (as he’s brought the dog despite you asking him not to).

Botanica · 31/07/2018 23:21

Neither of you are being unreasonable in your feelings, but you are different, and not suited if it is becoming a problem for you.

The dog is part of his family and lifestyle, was there before you were, and dare I say it probably more important to him.

Don't try and make him choose or change his relationship with the dog now that you're on the scene.

If it's just not working for you then sadly it's time to move on and find someone without a dog with whom you'll be more compatible.

Original poster
ILoveGreekCats · 31/07/2018 23:21

I am a cat person but he has had cats in the past and I would never harm any animal. I told him it's not so much his dog as his attitude towards his dog .

OP posts:
Seasawride · 31/07/2018 23:23

Move on op. This isn’t going to work

victoriaspongecake · 31/07/2018 23:24

Move on == he deserves someone who loves his dog as much as he does.

JustlikeDevon · 31/07/2018 23:24

I dumped a bloke over his dog. I wasn't prepared to be second fiddle to a dog who climbed on him every time we had a kiss. He clearly fancied the dog more than me.