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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend and dog.

99 replies

ILoveGreekCats · 31/07/2018 22:19

I've been going out with a great guy for 6 months. We're both early fifties and divorced and really enjoy each other's company. He's got a little dog which he takes everywhere. I've asked him not to bring the dog every time we meet and that it would be nice to spend some time just the 2 of us without the dog in tow. When he picked me up last night to go for a drink and arrived with the dog I was so annoyed and told him that I couldn't do this anymore. I feel like he doesn't consider my feelings and that the situation is just too stressful. Not really asking for advice. Just wondered if anyone had had a similar experience.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2018 23:25

The dogs a "get away" excuse.

I live digs but I would expect someone I was dating to make arrangements some of the time to get a dog sitter.

A nice day out walking and pub gardens etc dog wouldn't bother me but I'd expect to be able to do something without worrying be it cinema or theatre or a weekend away etc

I'd happily arrange with enough notice to sort something. But a man who couldn't be separated for 5 minutes.. just no

And I Sunday as someone who loves dogs and wishes I could get one

Original poster
ILoveGreekCats · 31/07/2018 23:26

#greysgirl I realise that he has been lonely and that he has got so used to having the dog with him everywhere. I definitely couldn't live with him and his dog. It's just that we had this conversation about a month ago and nothing has changed ie. we never go anywhere without it.

OP posts:
Greysgirl · 31/07/2018 23:28

I told him it's not so much his dog as his attitude towards his dog

You can’t force him to treat his dog differently.

Greysgirl · 31/07/2018 23:29

What did he say in the conversation? Did he say he’d change things and hasn’t or was he just listening to you without committing?

Gabilan · 31/07/2018 23:33

I think the dog would benefit from being able to be separated from him for a while. I mean most dogs will be aware when their owner goes to the loo and watch for their return, but it's better if they don't go into complete meltdown.

A friend's dog is very clingy with her but he has now got to the stage where he will happily sit with me for a bit whilst she goes to the bar or whatever. Also, he sits on the floor not her lap.

I know you're not really looking for advice OP but I would say with a little compromise on both sides, you could make it work if you really like him. He needs not to have the dog on his lap all the time. You need to accept the dog will be with almost all the time, just maybe not quite that close.

However, if you cannot both compromise, there's not much hope for the relationship. Sorry.

Original poster
ILoveGreekCats · 31/07/2018 23:33

I realise it's not going to work out. Of course I can't make him change his behaviour towards his dog and I realise that she's his priority. I've tried really hard to accept this because I do love him but it was all becoming too stressful.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveGreekCats · 31/07/2018 23:36

He didn't really say anything. He obviously hates confrontation. I realise it must be difficult for him the fact that I don't love his dog as much as he does.

OP posts:
violets17 · 31/07/2018 23:40

That's a shame but the dog needs him more than you do. My dog is velcroed to me and I know it would be a problem for most people.

BertrandRussell · 31/07/2018 23:42

Oh come on. Surely nobody thinks it's normal to take your dog with you on every date?

eggncress · 31/07/2018 23:47

It doesn’t sound like you’re suited to eachother.
The dog has separation anxiety so he feels he can’t leave it.
Sorry OP but I wouldn’t leave my dog behind either. It’s a good tester for finding the “right “ person.

Gabilan · 31/07/2018 23:49

It doesn't matter whether it's normal or not. If that's what he wants to do, he wants to. He then has to accept that some people won't like it.

I live in a rural area where dogs are accepted in many places, so it wouldn't be unusual to have your dog with you most, if not all of the time.

Seasawride · 31/07/2018 23:49

What’s normal to be fair!

Date in a pub yes bring the dog.

Ballet tickets not so much

However dog lovers are a breed apart and I would pick my dog above any random man

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 31/07/2018 23:50

ILove it’s actually a real shame as you said you really enjoy his company (and his yours) and meeting someone new at our age is touch and go to say the least (no pun intended)
It’s not really the dog, as you say it’s his attitude towards it and more importantly your feelings about it.
It won’t change. I’d cut your loses, say thanks but goodbye and your little dog too! 🧙‍♀️ 😉

confusedmomm · 01/08/2018 00:14

If you couldn't live with him and the dog then it's not for you. If someone had said to me pick me or the dog I would always have picked the dog tbh.

adaline · 01/08/2018 07:08

Having your dog around all the time is pretty normal here - rural area where the vast majority of shops, cafes and bars allow them in.

It depends on your lifestyle I suppose. Our dog comes everywhere with us - mainly because he can, but it's also good for his socialisation and training to get used to different people, sounds and situations.

hairymoragthebampot · 01/08/2018 07:32

I have a dog but I don’t take it everywhere. I have friends who don’t like dogs or simply don’t want them in there house. Fair enough tbh. I certainly wouldn’t thrust my dog upon them because he has anxiety. There are lots of things you can do to deal with separation anxiety in dogs. He just isn’t interested in trying and for ease wants to take it everywhere. It does limit what you can do, no theatre, nice restaurants at night, cinema etc etc. So if being that restricted is not for you and he isn’t bothered to simply leave his dog at home for an evening then I would move on. Relationships are not one sided

maxthemartian · 01/08/2018 07:36

Are you seeing Chris Packham? Grin

adaline · 01/08/2018 07:39

No, but at the same time I wouldn't change my lifestyle for someone I'd only been seeing for six months. Having the dog around obviously works for him and makes him happy - presumably he doesn't see a reason to change things just yet (or indeed at all).

LakieLady · 01/08/2018 07:40

Sorry but I'd call it a day. Your not doggy enough if you don't get it.

Lol, just what I was thinking.

nervousnails · 01/08/2018 07:43

What makes you think that he will choose you over his dog? actually, props to him. He made the rigth choice. The dog sounds nicer!

thornyhousewife · 01/08/2018 07:44

Yanbu.

I wouldn't date someone who bought a toy poodle with them everywhere they went. To me that's not normal dog ownership and it would suggest a weakness of character.

PintOfMineralWater · 01/08/2018 07:44

"he deserves someone who loves his dog as much as he does."

Yeah...does that person really exist though? I love my own dog, but the thought of a sandy dog in my bed... eurgh.

emmyrose2000 · 01/08/2018 07:48

I wouldn't date someone who bought a toy poodle with them everywhere they went. To me that's not normal dog ownership and it would suggest a weakness of character

Agreed. I'd ditch him and move on.
YANBU

ems137 · 01/08/2018 07:50

People keep saying how his dog his his baby/family etc but you wouldn't take a baby or family member on every single date would you?

I think it's very very weird. I definitely wouldn't get on with this bloke because the thought of a dirty smelly dog rolling sand around in my bed makes me want to heave.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 01/08/2018 07:50

Those saying your dogs are like your kids... would you bring your child out to every date too?

It’s weird OP, and if he doesn’t understand that you’re well out of it.