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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boyfriend and dog.

99 replies

ILoveGreekCats · 31/07/2018 22:19

I've been going out with a great guy for 6 months. We're both early fifties and divorced and really enjoy each other's company. He's got a little dog which he takes everywhere. I've asked him not to bring the dog every time we meet and that it would be nice to spend some time just the 2 of us without the dog in tow. When he picked me up last night to go for a drink and arrived with the dog I was so annoyed and told him that I couldn't do this anymore. I feel like he doesn't consider my feelings and that the situation is just too stressful. Not really asking for advice. Just wondered if anyone had had a similar experience.

OP posts:

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 01/08/2018 11:24

Basically his life revolves around his toy poodle and I don't think he'll ever change.

You're not compatible.

My life does revolve around my own dog, who I adore. I haven't been dating since I got him, but any boyfriend would be expected to love the dog almost as much as I do. In a similar vein, anyone who has cats is instantly dismissed from online dating because I'm allergic, my dog will chase, and I couldn't ask someone else to give up their cat for me - I know we won't be compatible.

I'm lucky that my dog doesn't have separation anxiety, but at the same time I couldn't walk down the street holding hands with someone and the dog because I need both hands to manage the dog (who has different ishoos).

However,
His dog is disobedient
Do you think he would be willing to go to dog training classes? You could go together. You want good quality ones - run by someone APDT qualified apdt.co.uk/dog-owners/local-dog-trainers/ or Dog's Trust dogstrustdogschool.org.uk

You could go together - he will get help with the dog's training, you will learn more about it (it's fascinating when you get into it), the dog will be happier, and you may feel that things are more likely to work out. You might even enjoy the classes

Separation anxiety is, however, beyond the scope of such classes, and it will be a harder nut to crack, with no quick fixes. For separation anxiety, it's more of a behaviour than training issue, so he'd need to find a behaviourist - one accredited by CCAB or APBC for quality reasons
apbc.org.uk/help/regions
www.asab.org/ccab-register

LeighaJ · 01/08/2018 11:25

YANBU OP, that's seriously weird and if someone did that with a cat instead of a dog then most people here would probably agree with you rather then getting their digs in.

Aprilshowersinjuly · 01/08/2018 12:14

Does bring new meaning to menage et tois tho!!. To be blunt would he expect the ddog to share the bed at all times??

Gabilan · 01/08/2018 12:25

Yes. I'm not sure exactly where I draw the line, but it's well before being stared at by a toy poodle whilst trying to have sex.

mimibunz · 01/08/2018 12:27

I’d say it’s a mis-match. The dog deserves to be first at this point in your relationship.

Original poster

ILoveGreekCats · 01/08/2018 14:57

Luckily when we have sex the dog is on the floor on a blanket but if I leave after to go to the bathroom he calls her onto the bed! It sounds so ridiculous when it's written down!!

OP posts:

Deadringer · 01/08/2018 15:03

If I went on a date and the guy brought a dog I would think he is barking.

Aprilshowersinjuly · 01/08/2018 15:13

Def no prude here but no way would I have sex with a ddog in the room!!
He is way past an odd ddog owner imo op!!

TheGoddessFrigg · 01/08/2018 15:55

I must be in the minority, but I would be thrilled if he brought the dog along! It sounds really cute. And I am ridiculously devoted to my cats so I understand this.

serbska · 01/08/2018 16:04

Not the guy for you - he comes with his dog. Take him on, take the dog on.

BackToTheFuschia7 · 01/08/2018 16:11

YANBU. I have dogs and adore them but it would be a bind to always have them with me. Lots of places don’t welcome dogs.

Have you asked him why he brings the dog with him everywhere? Does it get anxious if left alone?

CruCru · 01/08/2018 16:50

I love dogs but only really well behaved dogs. This would irritate me quite a lot.

Realistically, if you were to stay together, it would mean you could only go to dog friendly dogs and restaurants. You could never go for dinner at a friend’s house or on a holiday that involved a flight.

It isn’t going to work out.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 01/08/2018 19:39

What infuriates me is that we talked about it but nothing has changed. His dog is disobedient and every outing is stressful - for me. I've been patient and appreciate that the way I feel must upset him

All I’m hearing is me me me. He’s not into you OP. You sound ridiculous.

Failingat40 · 01/08/2018 19:55

He loves his dog wholeheartedly, what do you expect him to do with it if it suffers separation anxiety? You realise how upsetting that can be?

He's never going to ditch his dog and neither he should. Could you not try getting involved with the dog too and help train it?

If you can't accept them both then you end it and be alone again.

Original poster

ILoveGreekCats · 01/08/2018 20:08

Well I have ended it and actually in some ways it's a relief to be alone again. I don't think I'm being selfish. I just don't like having to compete with a toy poodle! No seriously I know the dog was there before me. All I want is to go somewhere now and again without the dog? Is that really too much to ask?

OP posts:

Amanduh · 01/08/2018 20:20

He’s weird OP. You haven’t asked him to ditch his dog or take away ‘his baby’ ffs just go on a date now and then without the dog. You’ve had a lucky escape I’d say 😂

Aprilshowersinjuly · 01/08/2018 20:26

Well done op!!
As much as I love my ddogs I have never expected my dh to agreed to shagging to an audience!!
Betya doggy style was his fav too!!
Wrong man on so many levels imo.

Gabilan · 01/08/2018 20:33

I don't think I'm being selfish

You're just looking after your needs, which unfortunately are not compatible with his. I've owned dogs in the past and would like to do so again, so I'd have no trouble dating someone with a dog. If it was well-behaved I'd be happy for it to be on dates as most of the dates I like would be in dog-friendly places anyway. But I could not cope with sand in the bed and a dog in the room whilst shagging. I also don't really like the kind of handbag dogs that need carrying.

I suppose the thing with being a horse owner is that whilst potential boyfriends/ partners have to cope with you leaving early to go and feed and muck out, there are few dates which actually involve the horse.

Wolfiefan · 01/08/2018 20:58

If the reason he can't leave the dog is its separation anxiety then yes you are being selfish.
But if he isn't willing to try and change the behaviour of the dog and address the SA then this is never going to change. If you can't accept that then you've done the right thing.

Ethylred · 01/08/2018 21:03

The dog is important to him and annoys you.
Move on.

auditqueen · 01/08/2018 22:52

My dog is how I met my partner - he was the vet. My dog loved him at first sight I wasn't far behind!

For many of us our pets are very important members of our family. For a lot of people they are the only companions that they have at home in an otherwise lonely life. Finding someone who you want to also share your life with doesn't mean that you then get rid of, or place lesser importance on, the creature that loves you already and depends on you completely. To be honest if you meet someone who is ready and willing to ditch their pets for you, then they are the ones not worth staying with.

But then, I'm the epitome of love me love my dog philosophy.

ThatchersCold · 01/08/2018 22:58

My dog means everything to me. He’s 14 and he has been by my side through all the good times and the bad (and the bad has been really fucking bad). We’re very close and I can’t leave him by himself because he cries the whole time I’m gone. Luckily my bf understands this and is prepared to indulge me because he loves me and can see how much my dog means to me. We’ve not been together a year yet so the 14 years of unconditional love from my dog kind of trumps him, and he gets that. I couldn’t be with someone that didn’t understand that.

starcrossedseahorse · 02/08/2018 13:27

I could not agree more auditqueen and ThatchersCold - my kind of people!

CruCru · 02/08/2018 14:39

Gosh, I thought the OP was being quite reasonable. However, I think I’d have refused to have sex unless the dog was out the room.

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