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AIBU?

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Original poster

Demonisation of formula!!!

996 replies

Summertimehaze · 31/07/2018 09:52

Don’t know if anyone watched the Dispatches programme last night on breastfeeding? The more I think about that programme the more annoyed I’m getting!!! The demonisation of formula really doesn’t help mothers who struggle to breastfeed and have to start using formula or even as a top up!! Most mothers want to do what’s right for their babies and know that breast is best. But some mums just can’t do it and so formula literally becomes a lifesaver. I’m sick of seeing mums feel so guilty about it and letting their children bloody starve because they surely can’t give them the evil formula!!!!!! The programme basically tells a new mum that it’s really tough to breastfeed, there is no support, they will be judged BUT formula is not an option!!! Grrrrrrrrr 😡. AIBU

OP posts:
Plughole3 · 31/07/2018 10:44

Personally I think there is an issue with support & also the message that bf is easy, perhaps for some but I think initially for most it’s hard. When I had DC1 I really struggled, my mum was a massive support as she had bf herself so she told me what I was experiencing was normal. A bf specialist also spent hours helping me. I very rarely fed in public because I was scared to
& I live in a pro bf area.

itsawhopper · 31/07/2018 10:46

I formula fed my two kids because I wanted to.

I don’t feel any guilt. I also don’t really care how others choose to feed their babies. I literally have zero interest.

Everyoneiswingingit · 31/07/2018 10:46

Bit unfair P3

origamiwarrior · 31/07/2018 10:46

Does anyone know what percentage of mother's give birth and don't breast feed at all? i.e. baby is exclusively bottle fed from their first feed?

Passmethecrisps · 31/07/2018 10:46

summertime Flowers

I was only able to package up my baggage on not being able to feed DD1 when dd2 was born and immediately latched on. It wasn’t a trouble free journey but it did explain why there can be some subject cast over some women who say they couldn’t when others have found it relatively simple.

Feeding by pumping is MISERABLE!

Naughty1205 · 31/07/2018 10:47

YANBU

Original poster
Summertimehaze · 31/07/2018 10:49

Oh and I genuinely didn’t intend for this to be a bf v ff thread. I know bf is best!!!

OP posts:
Wherismymind · 31/07/2018 10:50

I'm really bored of the 'it's guilting mums that can't breast feed' rhetoric.

No one can say anything about breastfeeding incase it makes some people feel bad.

The fact is breast is better. If you can breast feed you should. If you can't then it's not your fault, you have nothing to feel guilty about and formula is a fine alternative.

No one is trying to guilt mums that can't they are trying to get a message out.

And I am one of those mums that couldn't breast feed. I would have loved to but it wasn't possible.

HellenaHandbasket · 31/07/2018 10:50

For a lot of people it isn't an option, unless all hell breaks loose so being facilitated to continue breastfeeding is important. Given that the default response to any feeding related issue in this country is "just give them a bottle, it isn't poison" sometimes some support is nice.

Everyoneiswingingit · 31/07/2018 10:51

The fact is breast is better. If you can breast feed you should. If you can't then it's not your fault, you have nothing to feel guilty about and formula is a fine alternative.

This.

manaftermidnight · 31/07/2018 10:52

yawn, this shit again. Formula is not and can never be as good as breastmilk. That's a fact. How you feel about your choices doesn't change the fact.

You have no right to state that using formula is the first or easiest choice for anyone

Oh please. I have heard hundreds of people actually say it, so of course I can state that. As can anyone else who has even the slightest experience.

kenandbarbie · 31/07/2018 10:52

Well as someone who has done both with different dc, I would say formula feeding is much easier at first, but if you get past the hard bit of breast feeding then breast feeding is easier than formula. Since it has so many other benefits for health of mother and baby it should be encouraged. I failed at breastfeeding with two dc, but I don't get all offended about people saying breast is best, it just is.

As people struggle to get over that hard bit of breast feeding they need all the help they can get. One of the reasons breast feeding rates are low is because women feel self conscious doing it. That is still a massive problem, anything that helps with that is good. 'Fed is best' is not helpful for encouraging people to breast feed. It's obviously better than the baby starving, but people shouldn't take it as a personal failure if they don't succeed in breast feeding, it's just one of those things. It's not like they need help to bottle feed, whereas lots of people do need help to breast feed.

See the other thread about someone being criticized by her French in laws for breast feeding.

HellenaHandbasket · 31/07/2018 10:53

You have no right to state that using formula is the first or easiest choice for anyone.

Even if people do say exactly that? That it was their first choice etc?

TheShapeOfEwe · 31/07/2018 10:54

YANBU. A friend of mine had a baby 2 months ago and isn't producing enough milk to feed her so has been advised to supplement with formula. At one point she started crying and saying she was feeding her baby 'poison'. She has been made so anxious and unhappy about feeding, when it should be such a lovely time for bonding with the baby. It's terrible to inflict this misinformation and misery on mothers when formula is a perfectly safe and valid choice for so many.

Original poster
Summertimehaze · 31/07/2018 10:54

For the people who are saying formula is not as good as bm... I know this!!!! This is what had me sat on a pump every 2 hours day and night for three whole months. BUT ... something had to give.

OP posts:
HowIWishYouWereHere · 31/07/2018 10:54

The fact is breast is better. If you can breast feed you should. If you can't then it's not your fault, you have nothing to feel guilty about and formula is a fine alternative.

Very well said.

I read an article saying it should be looked at as;

FF = good
EBM from a bottle = better
BF = best

I think everyone has to do what is sustainable for them. And there is no bad choice. Unless you’re feeding them melted Ben and Jerries or something...

P3onyPenny · 31/07/2018 10:55

And the majority of mums who have used formula( the maj actuallyt,most of which will also have bf) don't feel guilty hence the figures. ConfusedWhy should they? There are surely far bigger and more worthy parenting choices to feel guilty about.

PolkerrisBeach · 31/07/2018 10:55

I watched it. It wasn't demonising anything. It was simply pointing out that 67% of people think that formula and breastmilk is exactly the same when it's not.

Also pointing out that "follow-on" is a made up product developed to get round advertising bans.

Use formula if you like, I don't give two hoots. But don't then get upset when you hear the science telling you it's not the same as breastmilk, even thought it's an adequate alternative.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/07/2018 10:56

I got that impression, I think mothers already know that bm is superior than formula, and its 'magical qualities', it doesn't help when you are struggling to bf, baby is hungry and loosing weight and might need to be hospitalised, you are tired. You resort to formula, as first and foremost, baby needs nutrition any nutrition, that is the most important thing. If you ff, your child will grow up to have a range of health problems. Well my ds, who I expressed for 9 months is always ill, whereas, dd 11 who was mostly ff, is healthy and rarely sick, very slim.

I felt that formula is being demonised, like its the equivalent of giving junk food to babies, instead of a safe alternative, if a mother cannot and does not want to bf. Even though they were saying the blame is not on the mothers (of course it shoulden't), I can't help but feel they were having a pop at those mums who ff.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/07/2018 10:59

Ahhh and the message that you have to work at it was there too! Don't you think a lot of the mums who cannot bf have not worked at it. Its all very well NHS plying the breast is best message, but not have the support infrastructure, and support systems in place is diabolical. I am sure that hospitals do have to have formula, for mum who cannot bf, or whose milk hasen't come in yet.

BiggerBoat1 · 31/07/2018 10:59

Oh please. I have heard hundreds of people actually say it, so of course I can state that. As can anyone else who has even the slightest experience.

That's like saying you've heard some people say they are benefits because they can't be bothered to work and then extrapolating from that that all people on benefits are lazy and work shy.

Yes of course their are people who choose formula as their first choice and are completely happy with that choice, but sweeping statements implying that is the case for all mothers are ignorant and insulting.

For many it is a massive struggle and the defensiveness that you laugh at and belittle should demonstrate to you what an incredibly hard thing it is for some women to use formula. Just try to show a little compassion.

manaftermidnight · 31/07/2018 11:00

For the people who are saying formula is not as good as bm... I know this!!!! This is what had me sat on a pump every 2 hours day and night for three whole months. BUT ... something had to give

So what? Yiu make your choices, noone really cares except you. I don't know why you would feel guilt, but if you do its not everyone elses fault for merely stating truths.

We need to get breastfeeding rates up. But everytime anyone tries, they get endless rants from FF people about how dare you make us feel guilty, youre awful, its not fair, you're mean to us. It's not about you. Stop trying to stop good work being done.

TeddyIsaHe · 31/07/2018 11:01

Fed is best drives me absolutely barmy! Fed is the absolute barest minimum you should be doing for your child. Breastmilk is the biological norm, it’s what every baby should be having. Formula is an acceptable replacement.

Breastfeeding facts need to be taught in a similar way to birthing classes. A proper, trained breastfeeding consultant led class offered by the NHS. So, things like milk not coming in for up to 5 days and why this is ok, cluster-feeding, proper latch, tongue-tie etc. I hear so many women say “I didn’t have enough milk” and 97% of the time that just isn’t true. We need to give women all the knowledge possible, so they are prepared and know what to expect when bf. Until that happens we will continue to have shockingly poor bf rates.

manaftermidnight · 31/07/2018 11:01

That's like saying you've heard some people say they are benefits because they can't be bothered to work and then extrapolating from that that all people on benefits are lazy and work shy

Not in the slightest. The point made wasn't about ALL but SOME, and equating it FF with benefits is offensive and demeaning. Why would you do that? While attacking others for "causing guilt" and saying have compassion? Not much yourself with that kind of talk!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/07/2018 11:02

Surely the point is:

Mothers who formula feed feeling judged is bad BUT the bigger problem is mothers that want to breastfeed and dont get the right support to do so. Why cant those of you banging on about fed is best get behind that cause more.