Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Demonisation of formula!!!

996 replies

Summertimehaze · 31/07/2018 09:52

Don’t know if anyone watched the Dispatches programme last night on breastfeeding? The more I think about that programme the more annoyed I’m getting!!! The demonisation of formula really doesn’t help mothers who struggle to breastfeed and have to start using formula or even as a top up!! Most mothers want to do what’s right for their babies and know that breast is best. But some mums just can’t do it and so formula literally becomes a lifesaver. I’m sick of seeing mums feel so guilty about it and letting their children bloody starve because they surely can’t give them the evil formula!!!!!! The programme basically tells a new mum that it’s really tough to breastfeed, there is no support, they will be judged BUT formula is not an option!!! Grrrrrrrrr 😡. AIBU

OP posts:
RidingMyBike · 01/08/2018 19:33

In terms of whether it's a good idea or not to try and increase BFing rate - well, the current system of banging on about the benefits hasn't improved things. Is it worth the NHS investing the money necessary for the levels of support? Don't know. It may mean a few fewer cases of breast cancer in women. A few fewer cases of infants with minor stomach bugs.

Wonder how it compares to other health promoting activities, such as making extended rear facing car seats compulsory, which would save lives?

Mummatron3000 · 01/08/2018 19:34

@beclev24
Yes yes yes!!! The research is so poorly communicated it’s little wonder mums who are unable to bf are worried they’ve condemned their children to lower IQ and poorer health - that is not the case! There are so many other factors. Cuddle your babies, read to them, talk to them. Take care of your own mental health - trying to breastfeed to the detriment of your own mental health will have worse consequences to you and your baby than choosing to formula feed.
I really wanted to breastfeed, was very committed to it, but it just did not work. I sought all the help available to me from midwives, health visitor, breastfeeding support workers - I was doing everything right, I just could not produce enough milk to satisfy my baby. Choosing to formula feed created so much guilt and contributed to me developing PND, that lasted for a long time.
I now have a very healthy, happy & intelligent child. Formula feeding allowed him to thrive.
I really don’t think any more research into breastfeeding / breastmilk is needed - UNLESS it is accurately communicated in terms of benefits once all other factors are controlled for. Not just trotting out the same old ‘breast is best, bad formula’ trope.
Fed baby, happy Mum is best!

RidingMyBike · 01/08/2018 19:36

@Ifeelshit thank you for posting further up about how you felt about physically BFing. I felt the same way - hated the sensation and the way my baby stared at my boob rather than at me. At the time I thought there must be something wrong with me, not to enjoy this thing that I'd been told was so amazing.

Thankfully the internet and a bit of googling meant I found other mums who also felt the same way.

RidingMyBike · 01/08/2018 19:43

I think it would also help to prepare parents for BFing if they knew about the amount of support that would help - we had nobody to come in and help by holding the baby, or doing jobs around the house or providing meals. It was me, DH and a starving baby, and then DH's paternity leave ended and he returned to work. He worked so hard doing all the cooking and cleaning on top of commuting and working too. And I hated him having to be so knackered doing all of that. I also hated being on my own for hours and hours all day with the baby. There was nobody just to pop in. It was incredibly isolating.

Historically we'd have been part of a community and DH would have returned to work, but other people (extended family, neighbours) would have been around to lend a hand. We had none of that.

thereareflowersinmygarden · 01/08/2018 19:48

Thing is, the current approach is working in one way, if it wasn't we wouldn't be having this rather heated discussion.

The vast majority of women want to breastfeed and try to do so. The current approach is working in that respect.

The problem (which the program did highlight) is that this wonderful desire to breastfeed that most women have, is not supported in the long run.

PasstheStarmix · 01/08/2018 19:54

@RidingMyBike I could have written your last post. We had/have no wider support either and this is one of the reasons we’ve held off having a second child just yet.

RidingMyBike · 01/08/2018 19:58

@PasstheStarmix it's one of the reasons I've put my foot down about a second child ;-)

That and our advanced ages and the health problems I'd have to go through again.

I don't even know what we'd do with DD whilst I was in hospital having a second one - last time I was in for eight nights with 2.5 days in labour. And I'm high risk so it would be in hospital.

PasstheStarmix · 01/08/2018 20:04

I have similar concerns Riding about what we’d do with ds. The grandparents/relatives he does have aren’t able to look after him and the ones that are are inexperienced with children and ds doesn’t see them hardly. I have joked with
Dh about being in hospital on my own giving birth while he was at home with Ds. This is really no laughing matter through and fills me with horror.

PasstheStarmix · 01/08/2018 20:04

though*

ferntwist · 01/08/2018 23:32

Re-reading the leaflet from the Lullaby Trust that we were given on my maternity ward, breastfeeding is a key recommendation for lowering the risk of your baby dying of cot death. How some PPs can be as dismissive as they are about the benefits relative to formula feeding is beyond me, in the face of that kind of stark reality.

SnuggyBuggy · 01/08/2018 23:50

I'm another one who doesn't feel able to do this for a second child. How do you look after a toddler when you are spending hours and whole evenings with a baby on the sofa?

manaftermidnight · 01/08/2018 23:53

you just do.

mikado1 · 01/08/2018 23:54

With the second I had him in a sling a lot, and read libraries worth of book to toddler while baby fed. He was asleep for the cluster feeds. For both of mine, they went to 3 hours between feeds and into v quick feeds within a few weeks so this idea of being constantly feeding wasn't my experience. I am still feeding my 3yo, a minute long morning feed, and I only wish I did the same for the first.

ferntwist · 02/08/2018 00:00

SnuggyBuggy women have managed breastfeeding and caring for a toddler for thousands of years and still do all over the world.

watsmyname · 02/08/2018 00:11

Hardly demonising formula by pointing out the benefits of breastfeeding and highlighting that many woman r not being supported to feed in the way that they have choosen an so r changing to formula feeding. No one says don't formula feed but it's fair to say everyone should be supported to feed in the way that they choose. I rarely see ppl stared or tutted at when they get the bottle out as it is the norm in society so if anyone's being judged is breastfeeding mummies.

tor8181 · 02/08/2018 01:54

without formula both my kids would have starved as 2 pregnancy and after i didnt produce 1 bit of breastmilk due to having severe PCOS(tried with first)

in fact my second son was that hungry and big(11oz a hour since a newborn)at 2 weeks he was on the extra hungry one

tbh i think i would have struggled anyway as at the time i had N cups breasts

LoveBiscuits · 02/08/2018 02:02

Oh FFS it wasn't demonising formula it was pointing out the differences. Formula can't compete with millions of years of evolution- it's as simple as that.

Nothing 'wrong' with formula, breast milk is nature's food and not easily replicated 🙄

MarcieBluebell · 02/08/2018 02:58

Nrtft but I thought it didn't blame mums who choose not to breastfeed. It said time over it was to help those who want to but don't have support. I think it was trying to make it society's issue so it is acceptable to breastfeed in public and shame the cuts for support groups and campaign ect.

Knowing the difference between breastmilk and formula is a good thing whether you want to or not. It said over half of women didn't know there was a difference.

ShackUp · 02/08/2018 04:00

snuggybuggy learn to BF with baby in a sling

SnuggyBuggy · 02/08/2018 05:06

I know people have done it for thousands of years but I'm guessing the health and safety standards for toddler safety must have been pretty slack or babies must have just been left to cry while the toddler was being bathed and put to bed.

Maybe lessons in feeding in a sling would be an option. I can't seem to manage with DD, my supply in the evening is crap and it's a struggle to get her to stay latched.

BlueBug45 · 02/08/2018 05:42

@beclev24 shush you will be burnt at the stake. Wink

harrietm87 · 02/08/2018 06:04

I've spent hours reading this thread and wanted to say @Ennirem I agree with all of your posts.

I didn't think the programme was very good - it didn't explore any of the issues in sufficient depth. I think it should have focused on the support or lack of it for bf women, why it is necessary, and what that might involve.

I'm still surprised by how many times posters on threads like these say things like "I did XYZ and my child is this tall and this healthy and this clever". Or "you can't tell who was fed with what". These are non-points and make no sense. Also the people making these points generally do so in support of ff. But the programme, and the debate in general, isn't really about how existing babies are/were fed, it's about how to encourage and support those mothers who want to bf going forward.

I wanted to bf. I was completely unprepared for what it would actually be like. A lot of normal bf behaviour (cluster feeding, baby crying at the breast etc) really seems as if you don't have enough milk. I also had bad nipple pain. But I also had my mum and numerous friends helping and supporting me by telling me that it's normal, helping with the latch, and a supportive partner who did all the housework while I was getting bf established. If I hadn't had that I'm sure I wouldn't have persevered. We need to make sure that those who want and need support can get it. Surely everyone can agree with that?

Nat6999 · 02/08/2018 06:09

I had absolutely no intention of breast feeding, had got my bottles, steriliser & formula waiting at home. Got forced under the influence of a shed load of morphine in hospital to try & breast feed, once I wasn't off my face on drugs I found my voice & demanded formula, my son thrived on it & if I had gone on to have any more babies I wouldn't have even considered breast feeding.

It's an individual choice & no woman should be forced to breast feed if she doesn't want to, there shouldn't be any questioning or persuading, as long as the child is fed & mother & baby are healthy & happy, that's what matters.

Lethaldrizzle · 02/08/2018 06:17

God I couldn't have been doing with all that sterilising bottles malarkey right after giving birth. There's enough to do as it is

PasstheStarmix · 02/08/2018 06:33

‘learn to BF with baby in a sling’

Not all babies like the sling, ds wouldn’t go in one for love nor money