Demonisation of formula!!!

[Summertimehaze]

Don’t know if anyone watched the Dispatches programme last night on breastfeeding? The more I think about that programme the more annoyed I’m getting!!! The demonisation of formula really doesn’t help mothers who struggle to breastfeed and have to start using formula or even as a top up!! Most mothers want to do what’s right for their babies and know that breast is best. But some mums just can’t do it and so formula literally becomes a lifesaver. I’m sick of seeing mums feel so guilty about it and letting their children bloody starve because they surely can’t give them the evil formula!!!!!! The programme basically tells a new mum that it’s really tough to breastfeed, there is no support, they will be judged BUT formula is not an option!!! Grrrrrrrrr 😡. AIBU

It's true that facts are facts. I don't think anyone is disputing the fact that breast milk provides a newborn with many added benefits.

But motherhood, especially in the early days, is not a fact driven experience (unless of course, you boil it down to the simple "fact" that your job is to keep your baby alive by any feeding method available). So just shoving the fact that breast milk is better than formula into new mothers faces isn't helping anyone. It's way more nuanced than that.

I just don't understand why discussions around motherhood can't be more balanced. Why does it always seem to create such polarity? As PP's have said, the information given should be breastmilk = really good, formula = totally fine too. Why does it need to be any more complicated. This really doesn't need to be an issue that causes such vitriol.

Ifeelshit
A lot of things about parenting make your life shit though. You kind of have to consider that before you decide to have children...

‘A lot of things about parenting make your life shit though. You kind of have to consider that before you decide to have children...’

You also don’t need to make things harder than they have to be. I’ve learnt that lesson with ds and would do things very differently the second time around. Do what works best for you and your family and don’t pressure yourself...happy Mum equals happy baby.

Pappybear because people (women) feel afraid to own their decisions. Society tells us that mother must always always put their children first and therefore feel the decision not to breastfeed must be explained. It's ridiculous, of course women shouldn't have to justify their parenting decisions but many feel that they do. Many women think that the choice to formula feed is one which will be judged if they can't justify it so many have to make reasons why they "couldn't" breastfeed.

As women, we should make decisions and own them and fuck what others think. But we don't.

A lot of things about parenting make your life shit though. You kind of have to consider that before you decide to have children... I don't think people are honest enough about this. You just get "it's all worth it", "they are the best thing that ever happened to me". I was stupid. I bought in to it.

PasstheStarmix
I agree. I formula fed my first and breastfed my second because I found it easier once I was out of the initial shit 3 or 4 week period of latch issues and cluster feeding.

Agreed @Ifeelshit

Ifeelshit
I do think it depends a lot on expectations. I went into parenting with low standards as I'm very much the antithesis of maternal. I did no parenting classes or NCT groups so had no real preconceptions going in. Istill don't take my two to any now in fact because I have no interest in feeling judged or compared, which is the feeling I get from the outside looking in.

When my work colleagues ask how my maternity leave is going with two children I tell them it's shit and having more than one child is crap. I'm sure it won't be one day but it is for me at the moment and I don't know why people don't say this more often.

.. I don't think people are honest enough about this. You just get "it's all worth it", "they are the best thing that ever happened to me". I was stupid. I bought in to it.
But for some people it is worth it. They're just being honest about their experience which is all anyone can do. I do think people aren't honest enough about the specific challenges though, wish I'd been told about cluster feeding and colic beforehand as it would have made it easier, for me, to just find ways to get through it until it passed. But I have found it worth it, very much so.

That’s good for you uniforn, I wasn’t so lucky, i breastfed exclusively for 6 months and pumped like crazy so ds never had to have a single drop of formula (it made me crazy and obsessed to be honest.) Most days ds fed 12-14 times and it was exhausting. I cried most days and developed a sleep disorder. I was so drained and this took its toll on my health. I stopped breastfeeding and started to improve over night. It was something I should have done along time before that but I wanted to give my baby the best and felt so much pressure. I know I have to formula feed next time around because my health depends on it. Would I love to be one of those woman that happily breastfeeds and enjoys it? Of course because it better for the baby than formula. I don’t think me being miserable for all the months I breastfed was better for ds unfortunately though.

Unihorn*

The “you can’t tell by looking” argument is simplistic but there is evidence suggesting that there is little difference in outcomes between a sibling who is breast fed and a sibling who is formula fed, which would suggest that breastfeeding per se is perhaps not so overwhelmingly essential as some of the hyperbolic and idiotic posts on this thread claim.

it’s *

There is definitely something in that, @Ifeelshit

Breastfeeding was so much harder than I expected. I had no idea. Not a bloody clue.

I think the shock of finding out how hard it can be, was almost as bad as the pain of establishing breastfeeding!

Would do the same again though. If nothing else, to avoid the veritable chemistry set that formula feeding mothers need to carry about in the early days. I feel for them in that respect- I know full well that was nearly me.

We need better expectation management for new mothers.

I bought into (literally) the whole holistic, natural birth and mothering thing when I was pregnant.

It was mostly bollocks and I still resent a lot of it.

Giving birth left me with nightmares and flashbacks for a year. Breastfeeding was agony for the first two months. Bliss for the following fourteen months though- I miss it now.

I wish I had been mentally prepared for the bad things.

Btw, if anybody here is expecting their first and thinking of doing NCT- don't. It's a pile of utter shite, complete and unadulterated SHITE!

Hi all,
We have received a number of reports about this thread, and made several deletions. We understand the sensitivities surrounding this subject (hell, we've been there, we've felt the sensitivities) so we can understand how a discussion like this can become heated, but can we remind you of our guidelines and our general preference for MNers to support each other where they are.
Thanks.

@thereareflowersinmygarden yes NCT is bollocks. Our breastfeeding teacher refused to talk about formula at all because she said they don't advocate its use.

I had to take ds into hospital on day 5 after he'd lost 15% of his birth weight and had urates in his nappy. The paediatricians stuck some formula in his mouth and he literally downed it. He was basically starving.

I subsequently had a brilliant HV who helped with establishing a brutal feeding regime, but who also subsequently helped us wean off formula top ups. However in those early days the top ups were crucial.

If nct had just acknowledged formula use, they could have educated us on what to do if we got into trouble with feeding and how to deal with it.

Breast feeding has some health benefits but that doesn't mean that it is the best choice in every situation and a even a realistic choice in some. Two people are involved and both of them matter.

So many interesting thoughts here. It’s really insightful to see people sharing their stories. I totally agree with the poster above that it’s about a wider expectation management for new mothers. It’s actually such a wider issue on becoming a mother in general.

I can only speak for myself but I’m from the NCT class culture of breast is best and so is “natural” birth with no drugs etc ... judgy glances at baby groups ... it’s that culture we need to breakdown.

I totally respect the science ... my biggest regret is not being able to breastfeed and I have moments of panic wondering what potential illness I could of brought on my LO. But surely this isn’t right? To feel this way from the pressure?

One thing is for sure ... I think it’s definitely location dependent as there are so many conflicting experiences here. But I really feel we should LISTEN to everyone’s experiences and try to learn

There's so many balanced views on here that it's hard to believe there's even an issue. I think half the issue is that as women we are used to being judged aswell as judging ourselves.

Perhaps it's time to stop over analysing?

but it's a shit life for that time!

Not for everyone. And the constant stories about how shit breastfeeding is, how your baby will sleep less and you'll be in pain etc etc probably puts most women off even trying. That's the story in my area anyway - most women don't bf because they simply don't want to even try as they assume it will be too hard.

It was fairly tough for us, but all sorted by week 2. And yes, sometimes cluster feeding and sore nipples were hard. But mostly, I absolutely loved it. Sitting around watching tv while DH brought me food and drink. Never had any comments from anyone feeding in public. And have some really lovely experiences of it and am not ready to stop any time soon (DS is 9mo)
And I suspect that this could be a much more common experience than we are led to believe. Maybe women should start sharing their positive stories around bf as well. A much more balanced view!

Well Ethel you must live in a bubble then as the majority do try bfing- and then stop. The maj aren't put off from trying and clearly it's not as easy as many presume. More honesty from health professionals is what is required.

ethelfleda I actually found breastfeeding very easy with DC1 latched easily, no pain, plenty of supply. No issues. I never had a bad comment or look doing it in public and the only person I really felt judged by was my mother. Still absolutely hated every single second of it and would have stopped had he not been a stoic bottle refuser.

And I hated it because I didn't like the feeling, I didn't like the sucking, the touching the incessant demand only I could fulfil and nothing on earth could persuade me to do it with DC2.

I breastfed DC1 for 2 years.

So breastfeeding can be pain free and easy. And still hell on earth.

Well Ethel you must live in a bubble

Nope, maybe just a different geographical location. I've met many mums since having ds and know many pregnant women. Vast, vast majority won't even try. I suspect it is as someone said upthread, the 80% maybe include many women who just tell the midwives or whoever that they intend to bf so as to avoid the lecture but they have no intention of trying... or even sticking with it.

Yes bf mothers need more support. But how do we explain the higher breastfeeding rates in countries where there is no national health service?

@Ifeelshit exactly and it’s okay just not to like it. Thank for for freedom of choice. Women should be supporting each other and not criticising what others ‘choose.’ Walk a day in somebody else’s shoes as just because you like something doesn’t mean we all have to/