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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Demonisation of formula!!!

996 replies

Summertimehaze · 31/07/2018 09:52

Don’t know if anyone watched the Dispatches programme last night on breastfeeding? The more I think about that programme the more annoyed I’m getting!!! The demonisation of formula really doesn’t help mothers who struggle to breastfeed and have to start using formula or even as a top up!! Most mothers want to do what’s right for their babies and know that breast is best. But some mums just can’t do it and so formula literally becomes a lifesaver. I’m sick of seeing mums feel so guilty about it and letting their children bloody starve because they surely can’t give them the evil formula!!!!!! The programme basically tells a new mum that it’s really tough to breastfeed, there is no support, they will be judged BUT formula is not an option!!! Grrrrrrrrr 😡. AIBU

OP posts:
RidingMyBike · 01/08/2018 10:04

Yes - I combi fed for the first year. BF all over the place with no criticism whatsoever. Bottle feeding in contrast attracted negative comments.

Formula shaming does exist.

Unihorn · 01/08/2018 10:05

People who received comments for bottle feeding - do you live in affluent areas by any chance?

RidingMyBike · 01/08/2018 10:07

Women also need to be made aware of the things that can affect supply - the sort of stuff that women are dealing with now that wouldn't have affected BFing in the past as they wouldn't have been doing it. Telling women that all women can bf is wrong.

The people with fertility problems, PCOS, diabetes, difficult birth, c section, haemorrhage. All of those can affect supply and delay milk. Women can't do anything about them. Telling those women that BFing will work for them is cruel and setting them up to fail.

Ennirem · 01/08/2018 10:08

@RidingMyBike Yours is one of the more measured voices on here and I often think that women who have fed their child/ren by both methods are the best placed to weigh in on the subject, as no particular axe to grind (although I'm forced to clarify by this I mean used both methods either exclusively or mixed for an extended period, because as has been established most women breastfeed for a short length of time and then transfer to ff, so those women would usually only have encountered the negative side and have a strong bias against.).

I wasn't much of a 'true believer' before having my baby; more of an "I'll try my best but if it doesn't work out, hey ho" sort of person. My sister had bf both her kids to a year with no formula, and so I wanted to try and knew it was possible (i think lack of a positive example in their own circle is a massive disadvantage to a lot of women). She had struggled hugely with her first with pain and nipple damage due to tonuge tie (although I had no real idea how much until I had my own problems with same, as she had played it down a bit at the time - she's a legendary tough cookie who hates to struggle publicly), so I knew it wouldn't necessarily be a walk in the park either. Had no idea it would hurt so much at first or be so all consuming; how exhaustingly tired I would be; how stressful it would be being the only one who could feed my child, all that responsibility. But subsequent to my birth it meant SO much to me to have that experience, for my body to do what it was supposed to do at least on this one point. Without it, I honestly think I would have spiralled headfirst into PND and PTSD; with bf to hang onto, with something only I could do for her, I was able to cope and move forward. My anxiety wasn't hopeless, it was active; learning everything about bf and doing everything I could to get it right helped me over that dreadful feeling the failed induction and c-section gave me of being, essentially, an unnecessary and dysfunctional inconvenience to the whole birth/motherhood thing.

We really hit our stride only after about 6 months(!), and tbh for at least the last 2 I've been ready to stop, as feeding a toddler can be quite silly and uncomfortable, but it's a two way thing and she's not ready yet so unless it becomes unbearable to me we'll just crack on with it for now, with some adjustments. So I had nearly a year of really actually enjoying breastfeeding.

The only major downside I found was that bf made it much harder to diagnose my daughter's CMPA. If she'd been on formula she'd have been spewing like The Exorcist and I'd have worked it out much sooner; as it is she was just very angry for much of her infancy and possetted until over 8 months, which is pretty unusual. I only finally cottoned on and went dairy free at nearly one year old. She's so much happier and less bloated. So if I have a regret about bf, it's that - she might have been an much happier little baby if I'd sussed earlier on she was allergic; although having said that, I would then have had to shell out fortunes for goat's/non-dairy formula, and would inevitably worried about whether she was getting everything she needed from that. So swings and roundabouts really.

No real point to this, but I just wish we could all tell our stories and have our reasons without jumping down each other's throats.

RidingMyBike · 01/08/2018 10:09

I'm in a middle of the road area bordering some very poor ones and some very rich ones. I have bf and bottle fed in all those areas.

FissionChips · 01/08/2018 10:10

I don’t understand why people are upset over this issue.
If you simply didn’t want to bf then that’s fine, formula is adequate.
If you couldn’t due to medical needs then that’s fine too, why feel upset about what is basically a medicine for you/ the baby at that time?
If you couldn’t/ didn’t want to due to lack of support then why not feel angry about that lack of support rather than blaming BF promotion?

I had to give up bf at 3 months, I don’t feel any guilt at all, ff was needed.

P3onyPenny · 01/08/2018 10:10

No not particularly affluent. Northern city, quite the reverse in some places I ended up needing to feed. Then moved to a southern town in a not particularly affluent area. Very mixed housing incomes and toddler groups.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 01/08/2018 10:12

I noticed with DS2, who I bfed until he was 2, that people don't like you doing it in public past 6 months. My dad even said it made him uncomfortable when DD was tiny. We were having lunch in a Wetherspoons, I said, "She'll eat at the table just like us. I'm not feeding her in the disabled toilet." My own dad. 😭

Ennirem · 01/08/2018 10:16

The people with fertility problems, PCOS, diabetes, difficult birth, c section, haemorrhage. All of those can affect supply and delay milk. Women can't do anything about them. Telling those women that BFing will work for them is cruel and setting them up to fail.

But equally telling them it WON'T work for them is potentially depriving them of a much wanted experience. None of those things mean you CAN'T breastfeed, but as you say they are risk factors and should imo mean that mother, if she wishes to bf, should have earmarked for her some qualified and extended support, to include guidance on supplementation if required and strategies to boost supply like power-pumping - and colostrum harvesting antenatally to have a supply to fill the gap if supply is slow to respond to demand.

It al depends how important it is to the mum and how much support she has I guess; possibly in cases with some known risk factors rather than just a quick "how do you intend to feed? BF? Good" tick there should be a proper triage conversation where mum discusses with HCP knowledgeable about how their condition may affect bf surrounding why they want to breastfeed, what benefits they want from that, what alternatives or assists they might need to prepare for if it proves not to be straightforward, etc. So there is a plan of action and an acknowledgement that this may have to be revised depending on circs. It is never usually as stark a choice as formula or breast; there are compromises, for some women it will be enough for them to know their baby had colostrum; for others long term combi feeding may need to be supported; for some, they may need help accepting that formula will be the best option for them and their baby specifically.

The problem is a lack of specificity and sensitivity in support. And just the lack of any support being offered to anyone.

RidingMyBike · 01/08/2018 10:25

I also found that I started looking into whether the benefits of BFing were true or not because I lost my trust in what the midwives and HVs where telling me when BFing didn't turn out the way I'd been led to believe.

I already didn't trust the formula manufacturers (had boycotted Nestle for a couple of decades by the time I had my baby!) and had put my trust in the HCPs, even though they even contradicted themselves at the BFing antenatal class - they told us a bf baby would experience a wide range of flavours and so would go on to eat a wide ranging diet. I queried this as I'm veggie and had been planning to feed my child meat once she was on solids. Midwife contradicted what she'd just said and told me this wouldn't make any difference Hmm

Women really really need accurate information:

BFing may help you bond
BFing may turn out to be free. These are some of the costs you may encounter...
BFing may be more convenient for you
Some women experience problems with delay and supply - this is more likely if xyz. This is what you can do about it...
Giving some formula won't destroy BFing
This is what cluster feeding is like... This is how to tell when it's going wrong...
These are the possible benefits... They are at societal level so probably won't make a difference to your individual baby.

RidingMyBike · 01/08/2018 10:28

@Ennirem yes. The midwives knew I had a number of those problems yet nobody ever saw fit to mention the possibility of a problem and continued to trot out the line about all women can bf.

Staff training desperately needs to improve but I don't see how that can happen with the current NHS resources

McTufty · 01/08/2018 10:29

I don’t think the programme demonised formula feeding, and I don’t think formula feeding is generally demonised in our society.

I do however think people like minifinger are demonising formula feeding and ought to be ashamed.

Ennirem · 01/08/2018 10:31

@RidingMyBike

I'm with you there - HCPs and midwives were worse than useless. All I ever got from them was either 'keep going' (no advice on my specific issues) or "Never mind love, give her a bottle" (I did mind, hugely). They knew nothing. Everything that actually helped me I learned on a particular Facebook group staffed by minimum-peer-support trained volunteers a friend put me onto, or from La Leche League, or from other breastfeeding mothers. The GP, nurses, midwives, and particularly HVs were flipping useless. On my first night, still in hospital after giving birth, I was struggling to hold baby comfortably over my wound and was already getting chafed nipples. I rang the bell to ask for help and the nurse who came just huffed irritatedly and said "So what's plan B for feeding then?" I trusted none of them by the end of the first month or so, as I often knew a damn sight more than they did about the subject. So frustrating.

RidingMyBike · 01/08/2018 10:57

The people who deny that formula shaming/demonising formula takes place? Have any of you actually bottle fed in public or at a baby group?

I've never experienced negativity or criticism of my BFing but I wouldn't deny it happens.

I have experienced criticism of my bottle feeding yet keep coming across people who deny this exists! Confused

GoatWithACoat · 01/08/2018 10:59

Until we stop putting our fingers in our ears and go ‘la la la breast is best’ and listen to their reasons WITHOUT JUDGEMENT then, in the first instance, mums will never feel they can be honest.
Secondly, if we can’t name the problem then we can’t make the cultural shift required for change.

The vast majority of mums know that nutritionally speaking breast milk is superior to formula. We really don’t need any more information (on
the whole)

Women everywhere, all over the world experience pain, latching issues, suppply worries etc etc. But the UK presents very specific barriers to breast feeding. Women do not consider it the best choice overall anymore because factors aside from nutrition are almost entirely ignored as evidenced by some posters on this thread.

PasstheStarmix · 01/08/2018 11:23

Completely agree with @RidingMyBike I’m toughening myself up to deal with all of the negatively I’ll probably get when I bottle feed my second child. I exclusively breast fed my first for months and really want to enjoy my baby second time around by looking after my health. To be honest I had such a traumatic time the first time around at the detriment of my health and l breastfed for far too long that I really won’t be giving a stuff what anybody thinks the second time around.

PasstheStarmix · 01/08/2018 11:24

I also agree with goat spot on Smile

Unihorn · 01/08/2018 11:38

RidingMyBike
I don't attend baby groups, the only places I have breastfed my baby have been coffee shops and park benches. I've had whispers and looks but no indication of whether they were positive or negative. I formula fed my first and no-one looked at me when I got a bottle out. If I walked around Asda breastfeeding my baby, they probably would. Because it's not really seen around here.

As far as I can see, the perception of breastfeeding in my (Welsh valleys) town is that it's a bit "yummy mummy" and people's attitudes towards it tend to be similar to the people they interviewed on the street in the program - "gross" and for private only. I don't think I saw anyone breastfeed until o was in my late teens.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/08/2018 11:46

Just an observation on majority viewpoints:

If a pregnant woman decides to terminate her pregnancy, for whatever reason, it's her body, her choice, how dare anybody criticise her for doing what she believes is the best decision for her.

If a pregnant woman continues with the pregnancy and subsequently decides to feed her baby with formula rather than breastmilk, it's open season on her and, even if she isn't pilloried and abused in public, she must be made to see (and to feel endlessly guilty) that she's a selfish cow who's deliberately made an inferior decision that will seriously impact her baby for the rest of his/her life.

I don't think anybody is denying that breast milk is somewhat better in a number of respects than formula milk - and clearly naturally designed for your own baby - but if BFing doesn't work for you for whatever reason, is there really any discernible difference in later life? Think of people you've known very well for decades - could you honestly hope to be able to determine which of them were breastfed and which were formula-fed as babies?

Iggi999 · 01/08/2018 11:47

The guy who came up with “Hungy Baby” formula must have got a giant promotion. A brilliant piece of marketing, appealing to everyone whose baby doesn’t sleep too well, is a “big boy”, wants to cluster feed, etc. They will exploit anything they can for a buck

GoatWithACoat · 01/08/2018 11:51

I don’t know why we don’t ‘believe’ each other about both bottle and breast feeding shaming. It happens but it is very geographically dependent on where you live as to whether you will be shamed for bottle or boob.

Iggi999 · 01/08/2018 11:54

Webuiltthisbuffet what a nonsensical post and a ridiculous comparison with abortion.

minifingerz · 01/08/2018 11:55

“The guy who came up with “Hungy Baby” formula must have got a giant promotion. A brilliant piece of marketing, appealing to everyone whose baby doesn’t sleep too well, is a “big boy”, wants to cluster feed, etc. They will exploit anything they can for a buck “

Yes - and parents bought it, knowing that it’ll be harder for their baby to digest and that’s how it ‘works’ to reduce demands for food.

I wonder how many of those parents would consider giving their 3 year old a large bowl of all bran and a hunk of Camembert for breakfast to reduce inconvenient demands for food and drink mid morning.

thereareflowersinmygarden · 01/08/2018 12:00

Most women formula feed though.

Are most women being shamed for this?

Or are we actually talking about guilt? Misplaced guilt, but guilt non the less. Easier to attack BF mothers than admit that.

GoatWithACoat · 01/08/2018 12:02

Both guilt and shame I think. They go hand in hand.