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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to keep on worrying about the height of my ds?

139 replies

Actrom · 30/07/2018 17:56

He is now 14 and only 145cm tall. He is really small compared to his friends and his 10 yo sister has caught up to him. He is coping well but it starts to frustrate him more and more that the growth spurt isn’t coming.

He has been tested and there is no medical issue. He just has a delayed bone age and combined with the fact that hubby and me are somewhat below average (165 and 175), he is really small. He should however suddenly get a growth spurt, but it cannot be predicted when… That is why I keep worrying, because as long as it hasn’t happened, well... it hasn’t happened..

Does anyone of you know kids who were small like my ds and who have grown a lot in their later teens?

And also, aren’t kids huge compared to when we were young? I mean my dd has two friends who are just 9 and a lot taller than her. In general the kids in her class appear huge compared to when I was that age…

OP posts:
user1490465531 · 30/07/2018 23:18

I prefer shorter men being quite short myself I look silly against a 6ft man.
Why the obsession with height shorter men tend to have better bodies IMO.

takeittakeit · 30/07/2018 23:18

I have the reverse - my 10yr old is 1m 65cms, size 7.5 feet August born premature baby!!!!

He does not have growth spurts he is a growth spurt!!

Either extreme has problems - he is expected to be more mature, give up things for smaller kids who are older and really does not have the emotional ability to deal with the 14-15 yr old hormonal rushes that are appearing in a 10yr old boy. We have had a hard year!

I tell him to put his shoulders back and own his height - I just hope we don't have a teenage growth spurt like some of you are describing!!!

Sorry ladies of the shorties - I dread him putting on his school trousers each day!!

tootstastic · 30/07/2018 23:43

I agree with posters about learning to be happy with what you have, whether it's height, looks, whatever. But unfortunately in our society being tall IS desirable, just like being good looking or clever is. There isn't much you can do about it, but don't beat up the OP for hoping her son has a growth spurt.

If we're honest, most of us would rather look like a supermodel if we had a choice. It doesn't mean we should be disparaging about ourselves or anyone else for not being physically perfect though dreams longingly of having long slim supermodel legs

Moussemoose · 30/07/2018 23:56

No one wants to beat the OP up but I am fed up of people telling my DS he will have a growth spurt. It is very, very unlikely he will. He is built exactly the same as my dad and my brother.

It feels really cruel when people say to him "you've not stopped growing yet" like they are holding out hope from the cruel, cruel fate off being short. They regale me with tales of short relatives who grew to 6'5 when they were 20 like I must be disappointed he is short.

He is so lucky and has so much going for him, he has so many gifts and this is all negated because he will probably be 5'6.

Why can't people tell him how handsome he is, or how funny, or how lovely?

Nope they tell him not to get depressed he may well grow in the summer.

AjasLipstick · 30/07/2018 23:59

I remember when I was in secondary school and the boys seemed to all suddenly grow a lot during the summer we were all turning 16. We came back after the holidays and the lads were all massive. 14 isn't complete yet OP.

For what it's worth, my DH is only 5.8. I've never been bothered by that at all. I don't understand this "Oh I only like tall men" shite. I like nice men.

AjasLipstick · 31/07/2018 00:02

Moose I agree!

And User I've also always been more attracted to shorter men. I like men who are what I suppose you'd call stocky. Not too muscular but fit...with broad shoulders and just a bit taller than me. Can't be doing with lanky, skinny men!

Deadringer · 31/07/2018 00:22

They can shoot up at around 16, my brothers did, and boys can grow until they are 20 or 21. As a rule of thumb he should end up slightly taller that his dad. My nephew was always tiny, his dad is about 5 foot 6 and is mum is about 5 foot 4, and he ended up about 5' 9, which while not tall is way taller that we thought he would be. He was always the smallest of his friends but is now average amongst them.

tor8181 · 31/07/2018 00:40

i have the opposite mine are very big weight and height wise and have been since birth

13 y old is 6ft already 10st 8 in size 12 shoes mens medium to large,born 9 llbs and 26 inches

7 y old is 5ft already,size 4 shoe 13-14 clothes atm but wont be long till up a size hes 111llbs already, 8llbs7 born and 24 inches

my annoyance is people think they are way older than they are and treat and talk to them that way,the amount of rows i used to have with the bus driver about my youngest were in the hundreds up till he as 5

both boys have multiple disabilities each and GDD being one of them(Global developmental delay)oldest is mentally 10/11 youngest 5/6

im 5ft9 dad 5ft7 but granddads is 6ft2 and 6ft9

confusedmummy76 · 31/07/2018 00:44

It's tall girls I feel sorry for

stopgap · 31/07/2018 00:50

I don’t get the height obsession. We will see what happens with my sons, I guess, as I’m 5’7.5 and my husband is 5’6.5.

I actually don’t mind that lots of women find a lack of height a turnoff. Means that the handsome, short, successful guys are out there for the taking by the select few.

tor8181 · 31/07/2018 00:53

to right confusedmummy76,i was 5ft9 by 12 with size 12 feet(adult size)
and 35 inch leg
all my trousers and shoes are mens,even now at 37 i struggle

spottybetty · 31/07/2018 01:00

Bloody hell. Look at all these entrenched attitudes to boys being small! Heaven forfend a boy is smaller than average...

Well, my ds is currently small. His dad is tall but both grandfathers are short, so who knows?

But kids can be right knobs, can’t they? Taking the piss out of smaller kids?

But my ds is a county athlete - running, hockey, football - so being short does not impede him at all.

And I wish people would stop going on about boys be8ng small. Ffs. There’s so many more important things.

headstone · 31/07/2018 01:15

My son is small , I doubt he will grow tall suddenly although I might increase his protein levels after reading this. It is a concern as it was hard enough for me being a small woman. Society judges you for being small, for some reason.
If it’s any consolation OP , one can be small and very healthy. All my tiny grandparents lived healthfully into their 90s.

Condragulations · 31/07/2018 08:17

I wanted my son to be tall
Hmm well fucking hell... thank god your miracle grow recipe worked - and what if it didn’t?

That’s just it shutupsidney , we’re delighted by our son’s diagnosis because although there are health issues associated, some of which he’s already affected by, but when we were getting a diagnosis there were other forms that were possibles and they were so life limiting that we’re actually very lucky.

It’s funny how many people are considering 5”6 short Grin my husband is 5”5, our eldest is somewhere around the 10th percentile at 3.5. I have actually never given their heights a second thought. There are so many other things to worry about that actually matter.

Being “short” hasn’t affected my husband one jot. Sure there were dickheads at school, (I’m ginger and had terrible eczema through school so I don’t think it was better for me even though I’m on 50th percentile. I also dared to have a foreign surname so that was never well received Hmm ) but you know what, life doesn’t end when school does- that’s just the beginning.

Shannaratiger · 31/07/2018 08:19

Dh in year 11 was shorter than alot of yr7's. Didn't have his growth spurt until 17. Now is about 6ft.

JustDanceAddict · 31/07/2018 08:23

DS is 14 (and already 175cm), but there is a massive variation in height of his friends/peers from just over 5ft to 6ft!! The shorter ones do have small parents so it’s unlikely your ds will be tall but I’m sure he’ll grow to a reasonable height. I’m the same height as you but my dh is tall. My DS needs to fill out more than up so they all have their issues.

JustDanceAddict · 31/07/2018 08:32

To add: Maybe not coincidentally but the two nicest boys in my class were the tallest and the shortest! Maybe it was because they’d had the piss taken out of them for their heights so we’re more conscious of being kind to others. I bumped into the shorter one (prob about 5ft4) as an adult and he was still his charming self.

confusedmomm · 31/07/2018 08:41

My ss was always the smallest. He did have a big growth spur between 15 and 16 though and is now same height as the rest of the kids his age

AreWeDoingThisNow · 31/07/2018 09:36

My brother was always a bit short, he was 6 inches shorter than me (21 months younger) our whole childhood until he was 14/15, so would have been 5 foot then (I'm 5'6" and had stopped growing by then). He's 5'10" ish now, so not massive but not what I'd consider 'short'. DM is 5'5" and DF 5'8".

He didn't shoot all at once though, I think he'd caught up to me by 17 and then did the last four inches the first term I was at uni! I came back an he was taller than me anyway.

boefmom · 31/07/2018 14:26

I'm not sure whether this will help you but my ds is 13 and 122cm. So there exists smaller...

Areyoufree · 31/07/2018 14:34

Another one who agrees with MousseMousse (was that the right kind of moose/mousse? I should scroll back and check...but life's too short.)

There was a thread a while ago where loads of posters emphatically stated that they would never date someone below a particular height. It's weird how it is acceptable to look down on (ha! see what I did there?) someone because of their height. My husband is just under 5 foot 5, and he says that his height has never been an issue. My son is very short, and always will be. People always try and console me that he will suddenly 'shoot up' (he won't), and it is frustrating, because he doesn't need to be tall to be of value.

Although I am planning to teach him the guitar, and send him to karate to give him a bit of an 'edge'.

Notthatwomanagain · 31/07/2018 14:39

You have two issues really

His final height isn’t likely to be big given your heights- you can work out mean parental heigh for a predictor of his final height- also look in your red book if you still have it to see what centile he has tended to grow along. He two together will tell you what his final height is likely to be.

Second issue is that his growth spurt is later than average altho not delayed at 14. So it emphasises that he is small right now. At 14 there are varying degrees of puberty in boys so the spread will be really wide but settle out a bit over the next two years.

Little you can do other than build his confidence.

I’d def try to avoid promising him he will ‘catch everyone up’ as he may never do. Work on accepting height as just one part of who he is and by far not the most important.

Shutupsidney · 31/07/2018 19:47

he doesn't need to be tall to be of value

Wow! Yes. That is profound. What a lucky lad.

Original poster
Actrom · 01/08/2018 18:59

Thank you for the answers, it is clear my ds is not the only one!

But just to be clear, I'm not expecting (or hoping) my boy to become 6ft tall. But being 14 and head and shoulders shorter than your classmates really is no great fun. But course, men (and women) of different sizes are all worth the same !

OP posts:
Moussemoose · 01/08/2018 19:16

Actrom I understand how you feel, l just get really pissed off with the "don't worry he'll end up at 6'"when I know he won't.

Make a list in your head of all the things that are special about him, funny, lovely, good at maths whatever. Make sure he knows what you value about him and why.

Build his confidence about the person he is and not about the tall man he will never be.

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