Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish MIL would stop saying our children are spoiled?

102 replies

heatisover · 30/07/2018 09:24

It isn’t a MIL bashing post. It would irritate me whoever said it. But honestly, AIBU to be sick of this?

The children are very young so obviously have lots of toys and games as their attention spans are nil. Every time they get a new toy out she tuts and says ‘ooh, you are spoiled, you two are spoiled.’

It does rub me up the wrong way! AIBU?

OP posts:
pictish · 30/07/2018 09:31

Dunno - I didn’t buy my three ‘lots’ of toys and games as they were largely ignored in favour of real things, activities out and about and interaction with me. I wasn’t ever a toy-buying mum.

I did know parents who would buy their kids toys and games all the time and I secretly thought it was excessive, a waste of money, added to landfill and made their kids a bit spoiled for possessions and expectations.

Maybe you’re like that and mil’s got a point...or maybe your mil is overreacting and being a bit austere. I don’t know which it is.

GreenTulips · 30/07/2018 09:33

Mine got too ours for birthdays and Christmas - same as we did

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should

You'd increase their attention span with creative games, cooking, playsoh, things that make other things

She may have a point she may not

BunsOfAnarchy · 30/07/2018 09:33

Depends. Are they spoiled? Do they get a toy every time you take them to the shops?

My sister would buy my neice a toy from the bank if they sold them there Grin. Literally every trip outside the house ends up with her getting another toy to add to the biggest most ridiculous pile of toys ever. She is definitely spoiled. But i wouldnt say it to her. I just call my sis lazy instead lol.

Summernamechange · 30/07/2018 09:35

My MIL actually cried one xmas day because DD got so much stuff and she would get so spoiled...
Except she didn’t, there was a lot of chunky things with too much packaging (so when all unwrapped it wasn’t much).

Thing is there is pictures of DH and his siblings on xmas day with TONS of stuff. Like to the ceiling!

For her it was another way to have a dig at me though. She also told me SILs kids hardly got anything which is such a lie it’s laughable.

Original poster
heatisover · 30/07/2018 09:35

Delightful Hmm

They have plenty of toys, yes. Cheap toys. To play with. Play dough is a toy. Jigsaws are toys.

OP posts:
Original poster
heatisover · 30/07/2018 09:36

Sorry the Hmm was to Buns

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/07/2018 09:36

It's not really constructive to say something like that imo, maybe you do spoil them with lots of toys etc but it's nothing to do with her is it?

I am a MIL and a grandma but wouldn't say that sort of thing to DS/DIL even if I thought it were true as those type of comments wouldn't go down well to anyone.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/07/2018 09:38

If anything it's me who spoils the GC. I'm surprised I've never been told off for buying the amount I do Confused

pictish · 30/07/2018 09:43

As an asides, I have to say that my kids didn’t often play with toys. Apart from the odd and rare ‘hit’, they were pretty disinterested in them as a whole, beyond initial curiosity to find out what it was. The type of toy that most prevailed among them was varied soft toys and plushies, which my younger two in particular used to (and occasionally still do) use in role playing, make-believe games between them.
Anything else was pretty much ignored and ended up being passed on, donated or sadly slung out.

Original poster
heatisover · 30/07/2018 09:44

So they had no toys, books, games or craft stuff pitsch?

Ok then.

OP posts:
pictish · 30/07/2018 09:47

What do you mean ‘delightful’? Hmm

I’m not obliged to agree with you. If you don’t want to know, don’t ask.

Pengggwn · 30/07/2018 09:47

Mine has an ocean of toys, and she loves them. She isn't spoiled; if she wants sweets or to stay up past bedtime, the answer is usually no. But she has lots of stuff to play with.

Original poster
heatisover · 30/07/2018 09:48

I meant the person who called her sister lazy because the sister buys toys for her child.

Yes, same here Pengggwn. I’m surprised anyone is sneery about preschool children having a lot of toys.

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 30/07/2018 09:49

The point is, it's not a pleasant message to be feeding to children. I'd ask her to stop doing it.

pigeondujour · 30/07/2018 09:49

It's a really rude thing to say about someone else's kids, and actually not that nice a thing to say to the kids themselves. Having nice things doesn't make you spoiled and I hate the attitude that people should feel guilty for liking and having things. If they're ungrateful or demanding, then that's spoiled behaviour, but even then it's a bit like the word 'naughty' imo - it should be used to describe the behaviour not the child, it's not an innate thing and they can be taught not to be like it.

pictish · 30/07/2018 09:51

Books are not toys. They are books.
I was about to add that art/craft materials have always been a big hit with my dd. Again though, not a toy as such.

Actual toys - like Lego, they weren’t bothered about and Playmobil the same. Meh. I ended up giving it away.
They did like the Brio though, so that was something that went down well too.

What are you so brittle about OP?

Original poster
heatisover · 30/07/2018 09:51

They are a bit young for ungrateful even Smile We do get ‘taaaank KOO’ Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
heatisover · 30/07/2018 09:52

I’m brittle about being accused of spoiling my children.

Books are toys when they can’t read Grin

OP posts:
Gottokondo · 30/07/2018 09:53

I don't think toys actually spoil children but I do think that parenting choices spoil children. If a child is born in a family where there are already 5 siblings then there will be a mountain of toys anyway. It is the parenting that matters.

I'd let the comment slide though, there is no harm in the children hearing that it's not the norm to receive so much.

Blackteadrinker77 · 30/07/2018 09:53

Just tell her you don't like her saying it and would like her to stop before the children understand it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/07/2018 09:54

What do you say when she called them spoilt OP?

ReggaetonLente · 30/07/2018 09:54

The point is, it's not a pleasant message to be feeding to children. I'd ask her to stop doing it.

This. My mum’s favourite thing to call us when she was cross was ‘spoiled brats’ (we bloody weren’t) and I really internalised that, I remember asking my teacher when I was 6 or 7 if she thought I was spoiled. Even now I have a real problem believing I deserve anything nice because I felt so guilty about any kind of treat as a kid.

The ridiculous thing was she was completely in charge of all the toys abscess treats we were given so if we were ‘spoiled brats’ surely the only person responsible was her?!

Camomila · 30/07/2018 09:54

How old are they? Under 4/5 I'm not sure only buying toys at Christmas/Birthdays is the best idea...to me it makes more sense buying them every few months as their skills/interests develop.
I do get rid of things though to make space though - I've sold/given away most of DSs big plastiky baby toys and now he has pre-school type toys.

ReggaetonLente · 30/07/2018 09:55

Oh god - and, not access! Don’t know how that got in!

Pengggwn · 30/07/2018 09:55

And my DD has a pile of books like Kilimanjaro: she loves them too! But if she would rather play with a jigsaw or her hobby horse, what's the damage?

Saying that, I doubt your MIL means any harm.

Swipe left for the next trending thread