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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Naked MIL

386 replies

Wrongintherightway · 29/07/2018 23:51

MIL had ds1 & ds2 for a few hours recently to help out with childcare in school holidays (not a regular arrangement). Ds1 came home and said gran was walking round naked! It turns out she had gone for a mid morning shower and was walking about naked (indoors obvs)

AIBU to think this is not acceptable, ds1 is 12 and ds2 is 7?

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 31/07/2018 21:34

Is this still going on?
The boy was embarrassed because he has been taught that the human body is dirty and sinful, and must be hidden at all times. Then he sees a naked body, and is embarrassed. How is that the MiL's fault?

niketrainersarecomfy · 31/07/2018 21:36

I also see no difference at all between men and women being naked. Its the same. Inappropriate.
I wonder why duck is so desperate to protect the mil.

niketrainersarecomfy · 31/07/2018 21:37

Women can be abusers. If we fall into the trap of ignoring childrens discomfort based on biological sex then we are being very unwise.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 31/07/2018 21:40

I know that women can abuse children but compared to men that abuse is minute.

Do you really think this woman had those intentions?

happypoobum · 31/07/2018 21:48

yanbu

My DS at 12 would have been really shocked by this.

niketrainersarecomfy · 31/07/2018 21:56

No duck i dont. I am arguing that a lack of boundaries is as potentially damaging dependent on whether the older adult is a man or a woman.

Lynne1Cat · 31/07/2018 22:07

Not appropriate. My grandchildren are 7 and 4, and I wouldn't dream of walking around naked.

Kittykat93 · 31/07/2018 22:21

Definitely not normal and understandable that your ds felt embarrassed. There's no hardship in wrapping a towel around yourself to walk to the bedroom when you have people over.

pallisers · 31/07/2018 22:24

The boy was embarrassed because he has been taught that the human body is dirty and sinful, and must be hidden at all times.

Whoa - so this is why you think we wear clothes in public?

Either you grew up in a family that taught you people who don't like being naked in front of others think the human body is dirty and sinful or you grew up in a family that taught you the naked human body is dirty and sinful.

Either way, that's some weird shit

blahnikandlouboutins · 31/07/2018 22:31

”dirty and sinful, and must be hidden at all times”

Huh?

Or perhaps just private and special.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2018 22:35

The boy was embarrassed because he has been taught that the human body is dirty and sinful, and must be hidden at all times

Oh that's a really really odd and discomfiting thing to write. It's as weird as.

Great duck in all honesty I get your point, but I was making one, it shouldn't matter the gender, if it's not ok for a man it shouldn't be ok for a woman either, and the point is, again, it's about rhe child and their feelings. A boy age 12 has as much right to not want to see his grandmother naked as a girl age 12 doesn't want to see her grandfather naked. And neither gender should be doing it, unless they know the child is comfortable with it,

BertrandRussell · 31/07/2018 22:38

The boy was embarrassed because intergenerational nudity is a taboo in our society. Perfectly undersrndble. It is remotely possible tht the grandmother is an exhibitionist paedophile. It is much more likely that she didn't think the kids were looking or forgot for a moment that she wasn't alone in the house. In which case, the forms of words previously suggested will sort it. If she is a paedophile then obviously the OP has to go to the police. She has no choice in the matter. Is rht what people are suggesting?

niketrainersarecomfy · 31/07/2018 22:42

I would also argue that same generation nudity is awkward, my 11 and 15 yo kids would not wish to be naked in front of my 12yo, or any of their mates.
We are suggesting the childs feelings are valid, that it requires a conversation and if it happens again access should stop permanently.
Blue admittedd she is naked between rooms in her home with her childrens friends around, if that were my childs friends they'd either laugh at it or be uncomfortable. Either way they wouldnt go back.

pallisers · 31/07/2018 23:17

I would also argue that same generation nudity is awkward, my 11 and 15 yo kids would not wish to be naked in front of my 12yo, or any of their mates.

I agree with this and would also say that inter generational nudity is more awkward than taboo, considering how different families work.

I know being happy to be naked in front of anyone is the cooler option on MN but it is perfectly ok not to want to be naked in front of people . I couldn't care less who sees me naked these days - giving birth to 3 children cured me of any prudishness I had, which wasn't much (my baby going to daycare with the baby of the man who did the bi-manual massage of my uterus was the last vestige gone) but I respect people's wishes not to see others naked or be forced to be naked in front of them. It is never a good thing if a 12 year old is told that him expressing some surprise and embarrassment at his reasonable boundaries being breached is something to be utterly dismissed and ridiculed.

ChocolateDoll · 01/08/2018 01:00

My MIL does stuff like this.

She does it because she is an exhibitionist.

Neither me nor my children have anything to do with her ever.

PositivelyPERF · 01/08/2018 01:05

There seems to be an awful lot of posters that seem keen to push the idea, that nudity between members of the opposite sex should be accepted as normal. Considering women are currently fighting to protect same sex areas, it’s awfully odd.

Bluntness100 · 01/08/2018 08:26

I would also argue that same generation nudity is awkward, my 11 and 15 yo kids would not wish to be naked in front of my 12yo, or any of their mates.I agree with this and would also say that inter generational nudity is more awkward than taboo, considering how different families work

I'd agree with both these statements, 12 is an awkward age, and I would agree that it's more awkward or discomfiting for the child rather than taboo as such. It becomes even more awkward when it's the opposite gender, as my example of a 7 and a 12 year old girl being baby sat by their grandfather who walks about naked where he knows they can see him.

If granny got naked in front of her 12 and 7 year old grand daughters it would also be perceived differently to doing it in front of her grandsons,

There is also the simple issue of adults getting naked in front of children this age, when alone with them, when the kids are not theirs and not brought up in this type of environment. Yes society frowns upon it due to the obvious connotations.

I very much doubt the woman is a peaedophile, but they exist, and as she was not regularly naked in front of her own son, and the op states she knew she could be seen, it's unlikely she forgot the kids were in her home. That would explain one mad dash, not going back and forward.

Whichever way you cut it, it's odd behaviour. The overwhelming majority of women would not wander back and forward naked in front of their grandsons of this age, when alone with them and when she spends little time with them, and is likely aware regular adult nudity is not how they were brought up.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/08/2018 08:48

and as she was not regularly naked in front of her own son

The OP has said that she would sometimes be naked in front of her DS but not in a exhibitionist kind of way. How do you know it wasn't a regular thing?

I think given the fact she did it in front of her GS that she doesn't see that often and hasn't had them at her houses for a while it is just something she does regularly.

It's a shame the OP hasn't been back to update. I'd like to know if she has spoken to MIL.

Bluntness100 · 01/08/2018 09:03

I guess, for me sometimes doesn't mean regularly or often, but it's open to interpretation. I'd have thought if this is what she does the husband would have said so.

I'd be curious to know what the mother in law said also.

Bluelady · 01/08/2018 09:15

Bluelady has actually said nothing of the sort. It just goes to show how people make it up as they go along. Our kids are all grown up so the days of their friends staying overnight have gone. I said that I'd move between rooms naked when there were other people in the house, if anyone catches a glimpse of my arse as I flit across the landing they're unlikely to be traumatised as in all probability they feel the same as I do about nudity.

beingthere · 01/08/2018 11:56

*Bluelady

Bluelady has actually said nothing of the sort*

Are you talking to yourself? Hmm

Bluelady · 01/08/2018 11:59

RTFT or at least back as far as 22.42.

beingthere · 01/08/2018 12:00

Did you have a name change fail lol?!

Bluelady · 01/08/2018 12:04

Read 22.42 and all will be revealed. And I've never changed my name.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/08/2018 12:05

Its obvious that Bluelady is talking about herself in the 9.15 post and didn't NC fail.