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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Naked MIL

386 replies

Wrongintherightway · 29/07/2018 23:51

MIL had ds1 & ds2 for a few hours recently to help out with childcare in school holidays (not a regular arrangement). Ds1 came home and said gran was walking round naked! It turns out she had gone for a mid morning shower and was walking about naked (indoors obvs)

AIBU to think this is not acceptable, ds1 is 12 and ds2 is 7?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 31/07/2018 14:49

"grandparent doesnt care about if her grandchildren are uncomfortable or not, or simply cannot grasp that being naked in front of them knowing they could see, might not be appropriate"

Sorry? Have I missed an update?

Moussemoose · 31/07/2018 15:04

Ok then

Ewwww

I wouldn't let her have them alone again

very inappropriate and weird

granny flashing her tits and bits

indescribably icky

Words like 'flashing' and 'prancing' being used. The tone of some posts is close to horror. I can understand inappropriate but anything else is just over the top.

I know MN can get a bit worked up and stuff but this is relatively minor and some of the reactions seem a little more extreme than is necessary.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 31/07/2018 15:06

I agree Mousse. Can only think that the recent hot weather has made some posters that are usually sensible go a little strange or something.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2018 15:18

It is inappropriate and weird, and she is flashing her tits and bits, that doesn't indicate revulsion just it's inappropriate and weird.

And I get she doesn't think she's done anything wrong, she's happy to be naked in front of them, however it's not about her, it's about the kids. Most grandmothers would not do this to kids she knew didn't grow up in a nudist environment and whom she rarely baby sat for. Most would think it's inappropriate.

She does, so yes she needs ro be gently told. If she continues after that to be naked in front of them them then I would not let her have them on her own again.

It's interesting though she's never managed to be naked in front of the op, and I'm sure she's had a shower when the op was there, I'm sure she also manages to not walk around naked when other adults are in the house, like her husbands friends. So she's probably very capable of covering it up and understands on some basic level that being naked isn't always appropriate.

Seasawride · 31/07/2018 15:24

Myself I wonder if she has forgotten how old the actual lad is. She may well still see him as a little kid so didn’t really take it on board?? My mum still seems to think my oldest is a kid and he’s 28,

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 31/07/2018 15:26

Flashing her tits? For all we know the DS could have caught a glimpse of her from behind as she walked from room to room.

And as she doesn't see them regularly and hasn't looked after them in years it's not surprising the OP hasn't witnessed her MIL in the buff. And plus MIL was probably showering in the day too cool off because of the heatwave, maybe she is going through the menopause. I've not been out of the shower the last few weeks.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2018 16:10

Alright great duck, have it your way, seeing her bare arse is much better than seeing her boobs.

Sigh.

GladAllOver · 31/07/2018 16:20

You cannot teach a child that bodies are private, when they are not kep private.

I was, and so were my brothers! We all grew up knowing that bodies were not to be touched without permission.
But we weren't afraid to see them in any state of undress, because we had always seen them that way and so they were nothing special.

BertrandRussell · 31/07/2018 16:35

Can people really see no difference between “flashing her tits and bits” and walking between bathroom and bedroom after a shower?

Do you really think she was “parading” naked round the living room?

Bluelady · 31/07/2018 16:40

Prancing, parading and flaunting sound so much better if you're Outraged of Tunbridge Wells.

BertrandRussell · 31/07/2018 16:48

And if you think that the double whammy of old woman and mil means she can do no right.

RoseWhiteTips · 31/07/2018 17:09

Just put a robe on. Fgs.
Her behaviour is not normal.

RoseWhiteTips · 31/07/2018 17:11

I wouldn’t be surprised if the 12 year old refused to be there without other adults again.

pallisers · 31/07/2018 17:21

Can people really see no difference between “flashing her tits and bits” and walking between bathroom and bedroom after a shower?

Of course. But in every action there is both the intention of the person doing it and the effect it has on those around them.

Sometimes these coincide, sometimes they don't. My kids were taught this so they would be considerate about their behaviour.

Presumably the woman didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable but she walked naked from her bedroom to the bathroom and back again in full view of her grandson and the 12 year old was uncomfortable and embarrassed. As described by the OP, this wasn't a one off dash where she suddenly realised she could be seen and hot footed it into the bedroom as fast as possible.

I am surprised at how many people utterly dismiss the 12 year old's embarrassment and I am surprised at the grandmother not having enough imagination/sensitivity to realise she would probably make her grandchildren uncomfortable.

ElevenTwelths · 31/07/2018 17:33

I am surprised at how many people utterly dismiss the 12 year old's embarrassment and I am surprised at the grandmother not having enough imagination/sensitivity to realise she would probably make her grandchildren uncomfortable.

I’m not. Some people don’t give a damn about others’ feelings and some are so inherently selfish they cannot comprehend anyone else’s viewpoint.

If this had been my MIL or FIL, they would have punished the child “for looking” if anything was said to them. (And yes, once pointed out, they would have been embarrassed and realised that it was inappropriate, but they would blame the child and punish the parent who mentioned it, because as they say themselves “we are never wrong, we never apologise and we can do as we like”.)

GladAllOver · 31/07/2018 17:34

Iam surprised at how many people utterly dismiss the 12 year old's embarrassment and I am surprised at the grandmother not having enough imagination/sensitivity to realise she would probably make her grandchildren uncomfortable.

Perhaps she thought that other children were brought up like hers, to not have hangups about their and others bodies.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2018 17:34

The children's discomfort as their grandmother walked back and forward naked in their full view is totally and utterly understandable. I'm also shocked at rhe people who are dismissing these children's reactions.

I also really am uninterested in intent, the effect is the same, what she intended as she walked back and forward naked between rooms as they watched isn't something we know. The simple fact of the matter is that's what she did. She knew they could see her and she walked back and forward between the rooms, stark naked, when she was alone with these children,

Bluelady · 31/07/2018 17:37

That's the point that has been made endlessly, Glad, none of the outraged have acknowledged, let alone answered, it.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2018 17:38

What point? The op has clearly stated her husband was not brought up like this, they were not a naked family.

CSIblonde · 31/07/2018 17:41

As pp said, if its a long time since she's seen them she's maybe still seeing them as small children. My rather eccentric Auntie who we rarely saw was sending us kids toys at birthdays well into our teens!

ElevenTwelths · 31/07/2018 17:46

I'm also shocked at rhe people who are dismissing these children's reactions.

Because they don’t understand children and expect theirs, and other people’s, to think and act like them.

Bluelady · 31/07/2018 17:50

Actually, Bluntness, OP said her husband did see his mother naked when he was little - I just went back to p4 and checked.

ElevenTwelths · 31/07/2018 17:51

Perhaps she thought that other children were brought up like hers, to not have hangups about their and others bodies.

If I hadn’t been taught that my body was private, I would have been raped at 12.

multiplemum3 · 31/07/2018 17:51

I'm always shocked at people's reactions to things like this. No 12 year old old wants to see their nan naked! It's not hard to put a dressing gown on. Plus the people saying at least he knows what a real body is like are mental, I'm sure he'll figure that out by himself without his nans help

BertrandRussell · 31/07/2018 17:52

“I'm also shocked at rhe people who are dismissing these children's reactions.”

I don’t think anyone is- they are just not catasrtophising them and starting a JustGiving page for counseling.

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