To be fuming about what I’ve found on my husbands phone

[Differentcorner]

Help me out with how to deal with this. My daughter 5 was watching (without permission) a programme on Netflix on my husbands phone. As I went to take it from her a WhatsApp popped up... she tapped it as I took it and it opened up the message nothing but a message to a friend. BUT, I opened another thread when I was putting the phone down and discovered he’s been sending all his mates including two of our employees loads of pornographic videos. I think there were four but I only watched one... I feel so upset not about him necessarily watching them but sending them out??? Yuk and also it could have very easily been my children that stumbled across them! He’s asleep after one too many this afternoon which is very unlike him. He is honestly the model husband, partner and father so I am really shocked with him. For now I’ve changed the passcode... how do I handle this in the morning? Thanks for reading didn’t want to drop feed

Thank you lovely people. Yep said nothing more about it obviously I don’t want to create an atmosphere at home for the children so I’m wondering if he thinks I’ve just ‘got over it’?!

I would want some kind of acknowledgement and apology that it's not ok to leave porn on your phone for the kids to find

@Buster72

'Actually a lot of porn is also gay, not a woman in site, some of it involves ritual humiliation of men, it is not the all encompassing evil mumsnet will have you believe.'

I think the humiliation of men is pretty shit. Not just the humiliation of women.

@Coyoacan

Sorry, OP, but

'I live in Mexico and everyday young girls are going missing, often into the porn and prostitution industry and usually turning up murdered a few months later. I have a dd and a dgd and find it extremely upsetting to read all these cool women normalising porn' This is so tragic.

I think thr idea all mem watch porn is totally wrong and just another attempt yo normalize it. This is not directed at you OP. Just s general observation.

@Differentcorner

'Update: so we talked this morning and I stayed very calm focused on the professional concerns and immaturity etc. I also said how could we be sure our children hadn’t already seen it and what if they went into school and said guess what I saw etc...' Well done for staying calm.

'He started off laughing saying it’s just stuff he gets sent and passes on and I’m blowing it out of proportion.'

That's very unfair og him.

'I said I assumed this was not the first time then and also how did the other wives feel about him sending that stuff? He’s been pretty much silent since.'

So he didn't answer you?

'I feel all jittery and upset. Thanks for everyone’s support'

I'm really sorry this has upset you and that your husband has not engaged properly with you.

Putting the morality of porn to one side.

Sending porn to an employee is a monumentally stupid thing to do. Massively stupid. Huge mistake.

If nothing else he must realise this.

Update: still not said a bloody word about it since I confronted him on Sunday morning. I feel so humiliated

OP can you visit family for a few days? In the past when I’ve found myself at pivotal points in the relationship (those that make you view someone differently) the one thing I needed was space.

@Differentcorner you really do not need to feel humiliated about this, you have not done anything wrong. Can you speak together about this?

My ex watched shit on our shared iPod that the kids had access too. He left saved shit where our young toddlers could have seen it. It was a huge deal breaker for me.

We had previous issues due to him watching porn and him choosing it over me. Other shit as well. This was just another thing to add.

He knew the kids had access and still left it there. I was beyond furious. I will never forget that. We separated soon after for a variety of issues. For me, his porn was a huge issue. He let it take over our sex life. He let it take over him in multiple ways and made it so our very young children would have access. Deal breaker for me.