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Original poster

To be fuming about what I’ve found on my husbands phone

109 replies

Differentcorner · 28/07/2018 21:41

Help me out with how to deal with this. My daughter 5 was watching (without permission) a programme on Netflix on my husbands phone. As I went to take it from her a WhatsApp popped up... she tapped it as I took it and it opened up the message nothing but a message to a friend. BUT, I opened another thread when I was putting the phone down and discovered he’s been sending all his mates including two of our employees loads of pornographic videos. I think there were four but I only watched one... I feel so upset not about him necessarily watching them but sending them out??? Yuk and also it could have very easily been my children that stumbled across them! He’s asleep after one too many this afternoon which is very unlike him. He is honestly the model husband, partner and father so I am really shocked with him. For now I’ve changed the passcode... how do I handle this in the morning? Thanks for reading didn’t want to drop feed

OP posts:
Original poster
Differentcorner · 28/07/2018 23:36

Thanks for the advice there Botanic. It was horrible histories she was watching for about 5 minutes, today she has been fishing and caught her first fish, been on a bike ride, swimming lesson and also happily done about 6 pages of schoolwork as she’s needing a lot of extra help. Trust me phone usage is kept to a minimum and we don’t even own an iPad

OP posts:
Lethaldrizzle · 28/07/2018 23:41

Op you don't need to defend yourself to botanic

Voice0fReason · 28/07/2018 23:45

Perfectly sensible to change the passcode, it's clearly a temporary measure and to protect the kids.

The sharing of porn videos with employees is completely unacceptable and must be addressed. He's an idiot for doing that.

Iggii · 28/07/2018 23:48

I don't know why people describe this behaviour as immature or juvenile. That's as if it's something any of us might have done before we "grew up". It's not, it's gross and amazing that he allows dc to use his phone knowing what he does. How much money would you lose if an employee puts in a harassment claim?

Italiangreyhound · 28/07/2018 23:49

@Differentcorner I hate porn and my husband watching it would be an issue for me.

For me my husband watching it would make me think he sees women as sex objects.

For you sharing it is the issue and so you need to make it clear to him how vile you find this.

You do not need to defend how you found out. So what if he thinks you were snooping! My phone has no lock. My husband can see it any time.

I think you just need to be really clear about what is and is not acceptable to you.

Good luck.

WowLookAtYou · 29/07/2018 00:50

Immature???? Talk about minimising! Him sending porn to employees, ffs, is outright insane. He could easily end up accused of allsorts, and rightly so, actually.

And as always, we have the usual MN posse of people who leap on your having "snooped" on his phone as being the biggest issue here. Hmm

RedHelenB · 29/07/2018 08:33

No. Op needs to ensure her children donto touvh other people's belongings without permission. She could put it out of their reach. The children were watching Netflix it was her snoopinion that found the porn!

LongSummerDays · 29/07/2018 08:38

How did your dd know the passcode? Hmm

lightonthewater · 29/07/2018 08:41

How horrible. I just don't understand the normalisation of watching porn on these threads. To have risked exposing your child to this is unforgivable. Sending porn videos to workmates? So immature and a complete turn off. I couldn't be with a man like this.

HolyPieter · 29/07/2018 08:45

His watching of porn means that he is perfectly happy with the rape of women and underage girls.

LTB.

Buster72 · 29/07/2018 08:59

In no way is watching porn an acceptance of rape.
A large proportion of the population watch porn, men and women, so it is normal.
Sharing it though is different and most men do not do that.
If you are a co- director of the business you must insist he stops sharing during working hours with employees, it could be a minefield.

On another note.....why is your child doing homework, on a Saturday, in the school holidays.....

heavandhell · 29/07/2018 09:04

I don't agree with sending it to his employees but I'm guessing he sees them more of mates. I don't have a issue with the porn videos been sent, I watch porn so don't take offence to it.

Backstabbath · 29/07/2018 09:14

Anyone who thinks it's only teenagers that send porn through WhatsApp are fucking deluded.

A lot of men will be part of a whatsapp group of some sort, Football, cycling, cars, work, hobby, general chat group... and in a lot of these groups ultimately there ends up with porn being shared. Not by all in the group but one or two generally in each group.

Sharing it with work colleague bit dim .

Lethaldrizzle · 29/07/2018 09:37

Every single device in our house is available for the whole family to use. I'd be pretty pissed off if my dh was watching porn on his phone which my kids play with alot. But so far they have never come across any!

NEFink · 29/07/2018 09:43

He will say he wont do it again anyway, after OP confronts him.

He will be relieved (for want of a better word!) that nothing else was found.

Dopplerineffect · 29/07/2018 09:52

It is not immature, it is down right pervy.

All these posters saying he needs a good talking too like a naughty school boy are shocking. If he doesn’t realise that he has done something wrong then that is a major red flag.

I would honestly leave. I would not want to be with someone like that. Icky!!

Original poster
Differentcorner · 29/07/2018 09:53

Update: so we talked this morning and I stayed very calm focused on the professional concerns and immaturity etc. I also said how could we be sure our children hadn’t already seen it and what if they went into school and said guess what I saw etc...He started off laughing saying it’s just stuff he gets sent and passes on and I’m blowing it out of proportion. I said I assumed this was not the first time then and also how did the other wives feel about him sending that stuff? He’s been pretty much silent since. I feel all jittery and upset. Thanks for everyone’s support

OP posts:
Original poster
Differentcorner · 29/07/2018 09:57

Buster she was doing a handwriting book she chose from WH Smith to help her. Just about keeping her ticking over during the summer as she is struggling with school

OP posts:
happypoobum · 29/07/2018 10:16

So he thinks it's funny?

He's disgusting and stupid.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 29/07/2018 10:25

You don’t have to justify why your DD is doing ‘work’ in the school holidays. It’s not what the thread is about, and it’s no ones business. It’s a bit dim to think that no child will read, write, learn during the holidays, especially when you’ve already said she’s a bit behind 🙄

You can’t leave it at this. He needs to EITHER clean up his phone and make sure he lets people know NOT to send porn and not to view it himself on his phone OR no longer allow your DC to use it. My phone is off limits to children because some of the content isn’t suitable for children (not porn) and it’s MY device, it’s not a toy for them. End of. I’m not putting parental controls etc on MY phone, ergo, no child uses it, ever.

Then he needs to be made to see sense that forwarding this to employees HAS to stop. They may well ALSO be friends, but in the eyes of the law they are employees and it’ll only take one of them (or their wife) to object and your company & both of you will be in serious bother.

Both of those points would be non negotiable.

bubbles108 · 29/07/2018 10:29

He is the love of my life I don’t have TRUSt ISSUES

I would have trust issues about a man who can put careers in jeopardy

Iggi999 · 29/07/2018 10:48

Never mind her telling anyone at school, what impact would it have on the child to see this stuff?

AntiHop · 29/07/2018 10:53

Yuck. He's behaving appallingly. Plus I think porn is unacceptable full stop as it's full of violence against women.

VladmirsPoutine · 29/07/2018 11:00

LTB

Metoodear · 29/07/2018 11:03

Differentcornerwere you one of these women would thought their husband would never watch porn and was above such things

I feel for you as clearly your moral universe has been shaken but all men watch porn I hope you belive this now

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