to be mad at my midwife?

[NewEP]

I find midwife appointments really nerve wracking. Had a really scary pregnancy so far, had loads of issues, am now consultant led and am having scans every two weeks. Still not sure baby is ok.

Currently at the doctors waiting for my midwife appointment. Been told she is on holiday and no idea why she's booked this appointment for me today. There's another lady here too who's appointment was meant to be before mine.

I understand mistakes can be made but I was expecting some answers to my questions today (it's my 25 week appointment) and I let myself get really anxious overnight. I feel sick to my stomach, was expecting her to go through test results with me, and am just disappointed and have no idea when my next appointment will be. It's a bit of a waste of my time and I'm annoyed I've had to miss out on a meeting at work and have wasted half a day...

AIBU to be pissed of? Or should I just let it slide and get over it. Sat in doctors near to tears whilst they try to sort it out because this pregnancy has just been so scary and awful so far...

vivienne to be fair it turns out the replacement just hasn't turned up when she was meant to, so it's not my mws fault, but still pretty shit nonetheless! Stress central...

Do call PALS or go to the hospital, don't just accept the lack of support that I did.

My midwife was absolutely crap. I only ever saw her once, at 15 weeks. At 22 weeks I was hospitalised for a stitch and deemed high risk and sent home a couple of days later. I left her multiple voicemails, all of which she ignored, as I became more and more concerned about what was going on with my pregnancy (coupled with an emergency visit to the antenatal ward where an absolute buffoon of a consultant told me to stop being a paranoid first time mother and stop wasting his time). DS was born at 24 weeks and had a very, very long and rocky journey through NICU. My midwife never even acknowledged that he'd been born (and neither did the buffoon consultant, for that matter).

Try to stay calm OP and do ask for the support you need x

@CatkinToadflax I'm so sorry you went through that and hope all is ok now. Thanks for sharing that with me and has at least helped me realise that I'm not being unreasonable. At least with a doctor you can go to walk-in centre. With midwifery appointments it's just so hard to find any alternatives. I might seem like I'm worrying over silly things but I'm just desperate for my baby to be ok. I was hoping to be reassured that the growth was ok today and now I'm back to being anxious.

@NewEP thank you, it's been a long hard journey and DS has multiple disabilities but he's a fabulous boy (just coming up to 13 now and turning into a typically annoying teenager!)

If I could go back and do it all again, I'd have shouted long and loud and insisted that my fears were listened to. He'd almost certainly still have been extremely premature but there would have been the time and opportunities for the necessary drugs and other interventions.

Could you pay for a private growth scan? Obviously not the same thing, and you shouldn't have to, but it might at least give you some reassurance in the interim.

Hope PALS get this sorted.

@NewEP glad that you were able to get through to PALS - hope that they are able to help you. I would keep on calling the community midwives if you can as they are probably just out on visits/clinics (I know how hard it is to steel to make the call and then not get through to anyone!). Just remember, your midwife/her replacement caused this problem so the midwife service should fix it for you! Hope you are able to get seen soon.

Spoken to yet another hospital who are hopefully going to deal with this for me. She wasn't very compassionate and sounded grumpy that PALS had phoned her.

I just want to know my baby is ok.

@CatkinToadflax

PALS are fantastic! I had to make a complaint about my dad's hospital care a few years ago and pals sorted it all for me!

Ok, so finally someone called me and they're going to rearrange on Monday. Still not happy as they won't be able to see me until Wednesday and I'm meant to be away with work but baby is more important to will have to get someone to cover... weirdly don't feel much better. Fingers crossed everything okay. Thanks everyone for your help and support

Don't let the new hospital make you feel bad that they are seeing you! Maybe write down what you want to ask so that you don't forget anything if they seem a bit grumpy (I know I would probably forget something)

Can you afford a private midwife? I had this sort of experience with my first baby so we used neighbourhood midwives for my second and it was great.

Good. Not so long then. Well done for sticking up for yourself. It's a shame you had to do it though.

This is precisely why I refused midwife care for my two later pregnancies after crap care in first. GP did my care, saw the same one every week and was much happier. Hope it gets resolved.

In terms of when you legally need to give your matb1 to your employer. There's a charity called maternity action who have a telephone advice line. They'll be able to advise you on that.

Was there an outgoing message on your usual midwife’s mobile?

Do the hospital you’re delivering not have an assessment unit? And I bet the midwife who was ‘covering’ had no idea she was doing anything of the sort. Community Midwifery is shockingly understaffed and the left hand doesn’t know what the right is doing.

Glad it's somewhat sorted, OP. Like you, I found pregnancy to be incredibly nerve-wracking and I was very anxious during it to the point I didn't want to believe I was pregnant just incase something happened.

When you do see a MW, can I suggest you ask to see the Perinatal Team? 6 weeks after having DS, I was diagnosed with severe PND and anxiety. One of the things the perinatal MH team said to me was that they wished I'd been referred to them before birth as they could have worked it me and helped me deal with my anxieties and stresses early. I think if that that happened, I wouldn't have suffered so much post birth with PND.

Just talking your feelings though with them once might help give you strategies to deal with your anxiety surround your pregnancy. They'll also be able to help you after the birth of you need it.

Massive congrats on your pregnancy and I wish you all the best and a healthy, happy baby!

I would love to go private but just can't afford it. I found my midwife on Twitter (linked to her number) - it annoys me that she shares dodgy posts by Donald Trump. This alone made me want to switch midwives (I realise this is silly though so didn't!).

Hopefully I'll be seen as soon as possible next week!

I'm sorry you're having a tough time OP glad you've been able to make contact with someone (eventually) and you at least know you will have an appointment next week.
In my local trust the sonographer who performed the growth scan should give some feedback as they plot it on the growth chart, it might not be in-depth but they would say for e.g. 'baby is currently between 50th and 75th centile', or 'baby's growth has dropped below the 10th centile' Then they would then arrange for you to be seen by a consultant for a follow up, or midwife if everything looked ok. A midwife wouldn't discuss in depth results as if it's outside the normal then a plan for medical follow up should have been made already after the scan.
In terms of where to go if you get stuck it would be community midwife, then community office, day assessment unit (linked to the antenatal clinic where women see a consultant or specialist midwives), then antenatal ward if out of hours.
I would second PP who mentioned perinatal mental health referral, who can help with your anxiety now and make sure you have support postnatally too x

How are you doing today @NewEP really hope you're feeling a bit less stressed out. I'm so mad on your behalf! I've had similar treatment throughout my pregnancy and it's so stressful and upsetting. Eventually I got an apology and an appointment but that doesn't make up for the stress I felt in the mean time.

Hope you're ok OP, if they don't call you on Monday could you just turn up at your midwife led unit? When you're there someone will have to deal with you

Hi folks. Feeling better today. Spent some time with my dad who has reassured me, done my fundal height (surprise surprise a GP CAN complete a MATB1) - still frustrated with the midwife but not much I can do now. I would like a proper appointment with a urine test (keep getting UTIs) and to discuss my results however as soon as possible, so going to pester them tomorrow! Trying to stay as calm and positive as possible.

Thanks everyone for your support. It's been invaluable

Hi op, just wanted to add support too. I had a v bad experience with consultant led care I. E virtually no care at all. As a first time mum I didn't have the confidence to speak up. I'd never been in a hospital surrounding before. I wish now that I had. Don't be fobbed off! Different hospital for my second delivery and a dream experience. Trust your instincts!

I am glad that you are getting sorted.