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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad at my midwife?

103 replies

NewEP · 27/07/2018 09:28

I find midwife appointments really nerve wracking. Had a really scary pregnancy so far, had loads of issues, am now consultant led and am having scans every two weeks. Still not sure baby is ok.

Currently at the doctors waiting for my midwife appointment. Been told she is on holiday and no idea why she's booked this appointment for me today. There's another lady here too who's appointment was meant to be before mine.

I understand mistakes can be made but I was expecting some answers to my questions today (it's my 25 week appointment) and I let myself get really anxious overnight. I feel sick to my stomach, was expecting her to go through test results with me, and am just disappointed and have no idea when my next appointment will be. It's a bit of a waste of my time and I'm annoyed I've had to miss out on a meeting at work and have wasted half a day...

AIBU to be pissed of? Or should I just let it slide and get over it. Sat in doctors near to tears whilst they try to sort it out because this pregnancy has just been so scary and awful so far...

OP posts:
beyondthesky · 27/07/2018 10:20

As far as I can remember by 25 weeks you only need to put in writing to your employer that you are pregnant, when you are due and what you are planning in terms of maternity leave.

Your MatB1 form can wait as this is for you to claim Statutory Maternity Leave, please see below from government guidelines:

How to claim Statutory Maternity Leave
At least 15 weeks before your due date, tell your employer when the baby is due and when you want to start your maternity leave. Your employer can ask for this in writing.

Your employer must write to you within 28 days confirming your start and end dates.

Use the maternity planner to work out when you must claim your maternity leave.

Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP)
Tell your employer you want to stop work to have a baby and the day you want your SMP to start. You must give them at least 28 days’ notice (in writing if they ask for it) and proof that you’re pregnant.

Your employer must confirm within 28 days how much SMP you’ll get and when it will start and stop.

If they decide you’re not eligible, they must give you form SMP1 within 7 days of making their decision and explain why.

Proof you’re pregnant
You need to give your employer proof of the pregnancy to get SMP. You don’t need it for maternity leave.

Within 21 days of your SMP start date (or as soon as possible if the baby’s born early) give your employer either:

a letter from your doctor or midwife
your MATB1 certificate - doctors and midwives will give you this no more than 20 weeks before the due date

Helbelle75 · 27/07/2018 10:22

This happened to me at my booking in appointment - the replacement didn't tuen up.The surgery were fab and rang the hospital for me and got me an appointment with the community midwife team the next day.
Definitely ring the hospital - any number you have, they'll put you through to the right place - and make sure you're seen asap. Stress how anxious you are and how your pregnancy is high risk.
Hope you get seen today.

Eddierussett · 27/07/2018 10:27

Definitely try and find out what team your midwife is part of. My midwife was at the GP surgery two half days because the rest of the time she was doing visits, in the midwife led unit etc. A couple of times she was booked up when I needed to see her but I phoned the midwife unit she was based at and they were able to arrange for me to see a midwife there. Do your notes include the number for a midwife led unit or hospital midwives?

In my area the supervisor of midwives is based at the local hospital.

Winterbella · 27/07/2018 10:27

YANBU this is shocking behavior, also your GP is wrong, they can examine you and provide the Matb1 form its is a confirmation your still pregnant and a GP it absolutely able to confirm this.

Winterbella · 27/07/2018 10:29

Also I would front up at the maternity hospital unit and tell them you are scared, someone should see and examine you to alleviate your fears.

Eddierussett · 27/07/2018 10:29

Oh and it was my GP receptionists who knew which community team my midwife was part of so I could phone them. If your notes don't tell you maybe go back to the GP surgery and ask for contact details of her unit/team.

Original poster
NewEP · 27/07/2018 10:29

GP won't examine me. Community midwife going to answer machine. Hospital just telling me to call community midwife who I can't get through to. My usual midwife is on holiday. I'm just going to have to miss the appointment...

OP posts:
Original poster
NewEP · 27/07/2018 10:40

Screw it this is causing me too much stress. I give up. Nobody answering. Being passed from pillar to post. I can't deal with it this is how my care has been throughout the whole of my pregnancy. They clearly aren't concerned so really there's not much more I can do.

OP posts:
StormTreader · 27/07/2018 10:42

"Community midwife going to answer machine."

Silly question, but have you left a message with your details? One of my teams I'm under is usually answerphone but they call me back the same day.

Original poster
NewEP · 27/07/2018 10:44

When I say answer machine, it just says 'sorry nobody is available to take your call, if it is an emergency, please dial 999, if not, please call back later when we hope to have someone available to answer your call'

No option to leave a message...

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/07/2018 10:51

Can you call PALS to make a complaint? You could say it's urgent as hospital said you needed to see midwife within two weeks which expires today plus you need MAT B1 which will impact on your maternity pay.

Brenna24 · 27/07/2018 10:53

NewEP I am sorry things are so hard for you. I was consultant led for my last pregnancy, which was also my first to make it to 25 weeks, and my 25 week community appointment was the least useful - they didn't do bloods, just measured my fundal height, did my blood pressure and gave me my Mat1B. 28 weeks was more reassuring. In terms of the Mat1B I suggest you inform your employers in writing what all your plans are and explain the situation with the midwife and the Mat1B, I am sure that it will be fine. I know this is really hard when you are in the thick of it but try not to stress about anything you don't have to (advice I wish I could have followed). By later on in my pregnancy I found the hospital appointments more useful than the community midwife. Hopefully the community midwives can arrange something for the next week for you. Just keep calling the community midwives, they will probably be in around lunchtime or late afternoon. Mine have a team meeting at 2pm each day, so I bet that they are in just before then. Mine had the option of leaving a message on the answering machine and did the calls for that about 4pm (suggests someone was back by then) and also answered the phone about 8.30am. I hope you get through soon.

Original poster
NewEP · 27/07/2018 11:06

@Brenna24 the fundal height is the important bit here. I'm high risk for growth restriction. Blood pressure is important too as I've had fluctuations. There's a reason I needed the appointment today but nobody is helping me to resolve this. I wish I could just not worry but in reality I'm so, so anxious. I have a 4 hour drive later and am away for a few days. Just wanted this out of the way. I need the appointment in order to ensure my baby is ok and for advice. Nobody wants to help me. No wonder women end up with pre and post natal depression. I already suffer with mental health problems in the form of severe GAD. I honestly can't cope anymore with this awful support I'm getting.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewEP · 27/07/2018 11:11

Surely someone should be able to sort this out for me? My midwife hasn't turned up, it's their fault in my eyes and whoever deals with the midwives should be sorting me out an appointment, not giving me a million and one different phone numbers to call and being fobbed off or meeting a voicemail. Someone should be sorting this out for me.

OP posts:
flamingox · 27/07/2018 11:11

Not sure about your area but I have been given mobile contact numbers for all midwives in my community "team". Maybe try another midwife if you have access to their details?

Original poster
NewEP · 27/07/2018 11:13

I do have a mobile number for my midwife but she is on holiday. The other midwife is the one who didn't turn up. I have phoned my hospital where my consultant is, the local midwives at my local hospital, the community midwife team, my GP... nobody answering or able to provide me with any care or advice. Don't know what to do in order to be seen.

OP posts:
ShovingLeopard · 27/07/2018 11:16

Get straight on to PALS. They are usually pretty good at kicking arses into gear. Pretty outrageous that there's both nobody to pick the phone up, AND there's no option to leave a message.

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 27/07/2018 11:17

Why won’t the gp see you? They can measure fundal height and take blood pressure.
Do you have a day assessment clinic at the hospital. The one I worked out would often see women in similar situations as yourself. They just either ring and let us know they are coming or just turned up and buzzed to be let in.

Original poster
NewEP · 27/07/2018 11:19

My dad is a doctor. I'm going to get him to pop round this weekend and do the appointment for me. Can't call him now as he is at work and he can't give me any forms as he's not allowed to for family/unregistered patients etc but hopefully he can ease my mind a bit by doing an informal appointment. Don't really feel comfortable with my dad measuring me but guess it is better than my anxiety being through the roof. This is so ridiculous.

OP posts:
Rogersgal7 · 27/07/2018 11:19

does The hospital that you are booked to have your baby have an antenatal day assessment unit? If you ring and ask to speak to the ward coordinator and explain the situation you may be able to get a sooner appointment. Sorry that you are having this stress.

dancingunicorns123 · 27/07/2018 11:20

Get your b1 from your doctors surgery x

Mehaveit · 27/07/2018 11:20

PALS honestly are your friends here. 1 call and they will get it sorted.

Original poster
NewEP · 27/07/2018 11:21

@Rogersgal7 I've spoken to them and they told me to call my community midwife team, who didn't pick up. I've exhausted all options I've been given. Think I'm better phoning mental health services at this point!

OP posts:
Original poster
NewEP · 27/07/2018 11:21

@dancingunicorns123 RTFT

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 27/07/2018 11:22

Is there a message on your midwifes mobile? Clutching at straws but just thought she would (should) leave a message with who to contact in her absence.

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