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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour's toddler waking entire street up

306 replies

Myheadhurtsintheheat · 27/07/2018 09:04

I've NC'd for this as it might be outing.

Our NDN has an 22-month-old DC who doesn't talk much but squawks like a parrot at top volume. I swear this is no exaggeration - it's the most bizarre noise. From what we can tell, toddler's parents never encourage him not to make the noise - they just let him squawk. I think they're from the "be expressive" school of thought.

My AIBU is that they're bringing him out into their back garden at 6.30am when he's up and he's squawking everyone awake, including my DC, whose room is at the back too. I get that it's very hot and really hard for kids to sleep at the moment, but isn't it incredibly selfish to inflict that noise on everyone else if you're not going to try to teach the child to moderate it when appropriate? Or am I just being a grumpy old moaner?

And if INBU, should I say something?

OP posts:
Sleepyblueocean · 27/07/2018 11:00

No one should be making a loud noise in the garden at 6.30am but laughing at you thinking "quiet voice now" works on every child and adult.

Original poster
Myheadhurtsintheheat · 27/07/2018 11:03

For crying out loud, we have no intention of complaining to the council! I don't know why it's being debated because it's not something I would dream of doing with regards to a child crying. I simply wanted to know whether I was BU for feeling grumpy that my DC were being woken early because some other parents have decided theirs can be as vocal as it wants at 6.30 in the morning! Turns out the jury's split. So I'm going to leave it there.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 27/07/2018 11:03

I read that it's case law from the house of lords apparently.

LeighaJ · 27/07/2018 11:03

"greendale17

6:30am is ridiculous. I would have to say something"

Agree with this and the dozens of others saying the same.

JacquesHammer · 27/07/2018 11:04

So, no it isn't included in normal household noise from what I can see

Incorrect.

Each situatiuon is taken on its own merits. So if the noise proves excessive and at an inappropriate time the redress can be there.

I've worked on two similar cases when approached by a client. Both found in favour of the complainant and the makers of noise had to make reasonable adjustments to their actions.

JacquesHammer · 27/07/2018 11:05

I simply wanted to know whether I was BU for feeling grumpy that my DC were being woken early because some other parents have decided theirs can be as vocal as it wants at 6.30 in the morning! Turns out the jury's split. So I'm going to leave it there

The jury isn't really split. Most people apart from those being deliberately obstreperous have said YANBU.

Go and have a word with them.

PomegranateFairy · 27/07/2018 11:08

no one knows if they child can help the squaking noise

My SEN child used to make a constant piercing monotonous cry and was a very miserable baby, frustrating and distressing for us as well, we just didn't know what was wrong. It was awful getting 'looks' from the neighbours who had no clue she was SEN (neither did we at the time) and that we were struggling.

She's grown up now, still non verbal, but a very happy bunny.
My stomach still ties up in knots when I think back to those awful times. It's the first thing I would think of if I heard a child making a 'weird' continuous cry.

Roomba · 27/07/2018 11:10

DS1 had an incredibly loud squawky voice when he was little. His father and I are both pretty quietly spoken and we tried everything to persuade him that such a thing as a 'quiet voice' or an 'indoor voice' existed - to no avail. It later became clear that it was related to his SEN, he just couldn't modulate his volume or tell how loud he was being at all. Thankfully, he's improved a lot as he's got older.

I wouldn't have sent him outside before 8am though as I knew he'd disturb people. He could play out happily after that and we'd keep an eye/ear out so we could remind him to pipe down if needed.

RadicalFern · 27/07/2018 11:10

I think there’s also a key difference between a child crying inside a house (unavoidable, all children cry), and a child playing noisily in the garden before the cut off time in the morning. You can’t remove all possibility of your child making noise, but you can keep them contained inside your house until a reasonable hour...

enbh · 27/07/2018 11:11

Grumpy old moaner! It's a baby for god's sake! Have a bit of compassion for a fellow mum.

JacquesHammer · 27/07/2018 11:17

Grumpy old moaner! It's a baby for god's sake! Have a bit of compassion for a fellow mum

Nice bit of ageism chucked in to make a fairly crap point.

Why does the toddler need to be outside making noise at 6.30am?

howabout · 27/07/2018 11:18

The seagulls round our way are getting up noisily round about 6 just now. We live an hour away from the sea. They are easy enough to zone out. The bin lorry proclaiming manically and beeping to warn it is reversing is more annoying but not something anyone could complain about either. YABU

Silentnighttwo · 27/07/2018 11:20

No wonder your grumpy if you’re being woken up early every morning! There’s compassion, and then there’s enabling unreasonable behaviour.

Ask NDN politely if they can keep the noise down until 8am or keep toddler inside.

Silentnighttwo · 27/07/2018 11:21

*you’re

FrancisCrawford · 27/07/2018 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fieryginger · 27/07/2018 11:22

Before say 8:00 you should say something about him going in the garden so early. Any later and yabu, he can't help how he talks.

I have a niece who would scream, instead of saying no, she would sqwark. She's grown up into the most lovely adult and we still rib her about it. I wouldn't have liked to have been their neighbour, my poor sister was pulling her hair out.

formerbabe · 27/07/2018 11:23

Ask NDN politely if they can keep the noise down until 8am

Why 8am? Why pick an arbitrary time and expect a neighbour to obey you?

kaytee87 · 27/07/2018 11:25

Grumpy old moaner! It's a baby for god's sake! Have a bit of compassion for a fellow mum.

I'm 30 and have a child of almost exactly the same age. I would find this unacceptable. Am I a grumpy old moaner?

Igorina · 27/07/2018 11:26

For goodness sake, Former there are multiple ways we could all choose to make life difficult for our neighbors off that aren't technically against the law.

Do you think people are only respectful and courteous to each other because of laws?

Igorina · 27/07/2018 11:27

Random off there*

swishbish · 27/07/2018 11:27

@enbh hows about the ignorant mother have compassion for he neighbours and not let her squawking child wake every one up at 6.30 am?!?! just because they are awake doesn't mean the whole street needs to be!

@Myheadhurtsintheheat YANBU - just have a word with ur neighbour and explain its woken your children up and can they wait till least 8... you will more than likely find they will be ok and apologetic if they are not a twit like some of the posters on here

FrancisCrawford · 27/07/2018 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe · 27/07/2018 11:29

For goodness sake, Former there are multiple ways we could all choose to make life difficult for our neighbors off that aren't technically against the law

The neighbours aren't choosing to make the ops life difficult. They are taking their toddler out into their garden. If that impacts the op negatively then that's a consequence rather than the reason iyswim.

Again, why are posters picking arbitrary times for the op to give to the neighbour and expect her to abide by?

Norugratsatall · 27/07/2018 11:32

YANBU OP. As I tossed and turned last night in this fucking heat and didn't fall asleep until nearly 2, being woken unceremoniously at 6.30 am would make me seethe! I'd have to say something.... albeit politely.

If that fails, then grit your teeth and know that 'this too shall pass' - soon the mornings will be cold, dark and too unpleasant for playing out, console yourself with that thought. You have my sympathies.

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/07/2018 11:32

But They are choosing.

They know the kid is being loud.

They know it's early

They could keep the kid inside. Read a book or give breakfast or take a bath or watch a cartoon, play a game, etc

But they choose to do the one thing that disturbs an entire street.

Misery loves company and all that...