... about "natural birth" and "your body knows what to do"?

[ParsnipsAreTheDevil]

I keep seeing the whole "don't worry your body knows what to do" thing thrown at pregnant women and it was a massive part of the hypnobirthing course I did before
DS was born (he's 2 now). When it came to it it turned out my body didn't have a bloody clue what to do. In labour for 3 days, wasn't dilating, emergency c section and we both got sepsis. Felt like a massive failure afterwards thanks to the massive emphasis on natural birth and my body categorically NOT knowing what to do?

Aibu that what we should be saying to pregnant women is to keep an open mind about birth? I've met a few women since who had very similar experiences to me. Breathe the fecking baby out my arse.

YANBU

I remember the midwife who facilitated the birthing class gushing about her two "lovely, lovely births" without any pain relief. I now know that such a thing is an anomaly.

I also took some bullshit expensive 'breathing classes' to help prepare for a natural birth, which didn't help at all and I was even told to stop doing what I had been taught there by the midwife, as it was actually counterproductive.

Had to be induced and given every drug available and felt like a massive failure.

As always, I think your post is spot-on and incredibly sensible, Bertie.

Grandmaswagbag I also thought I wanted an epidural because I was coping so poorly with 'latent labour', only to be told that the baby would be there within an hour (was actually 45 minutes) and so that time had well and truly passed! Like you, I was sort of grateful in the end, though I was furious when my placenta didn't come out and they said that if it didn't come soon I'd have to go to theatre and have an epidural - wtf, I'd had to do all of giving birth without one and then might have one anyway?! Definitely no one ever mentioned that as a possibility! (In the end the doctor manually removed it in the room, which was probably one of the worse bits of the whole thing, but did mean no theatre, thankfully)

Your body might know what to do, but might choose not to do it.

Millions of women in the undeveloped world die in childbirth, as they did right here not so long ago.

Natural does not equate to good.

We need to be open to whatever results in a well Mum and well baby.

3cm isn't established labour. Baby's that are back to back are usually like that for a while, where you told by your community midwife to do any exercises or positions to turn baby? Unfortunately antenatal care is lacking in most places and when you go in in latent phase, there just isn't the facilities hence why being sent home.

Baby's that are back to back are usually like that for a while, where you told by your community midwife to do any exercises or positions to turn baby?

No. I was literally told to go away, have a paracetamol and come back when I was in "real pain".

My mum has had four children and was with me, and she could see I was having real, proper, agonising contractions. But I was made to feel by the midwives that I was just being a wuss.

Yes Juju Sundin. I haven't road tested the techniques yet ;) I'll come back in 5 weeks and let you know how it goes...

I was never told any horror stories and only had my mums "4 hour labour with lovely toast afterwards and then I was home by the 6th hour" to go on.
Although I have heard "your body knows what to do" and that sentence haunts me, mine didn't know what to do and I kept wishing I would just die as I was in so much unrelenting pain. I was induced by the drip at 40w, and then at 40&2 I was taken to theatre as I was minutes away from an emergency section but in the end, my baby was turned and had a broken shoulder but came out with forceps. I was so disappointed in myself, in my body, in my naivety. I now have to have c sections due to what happened so I constantly feel like a failure and would love the chance to try a vaginal birth again but the risk is far too high now. I wish somebody had said that sometimes things go wrong, I was very unprepared

My body grows amazing healthy babies. My body is a milk machine. My body had no fucking idea how to get the babies out however. 10 days overdue, baby hadn't descended, no dilation, failed induction, c section. Baby 2 I went straight for elcs. I never even had a braxton hicks!
Even when I lost a baby, it was a MMC and I never bled at all. Had surgical management in the end. Some bodies just don't do it! All the whale song in the world won't change that. I get really cross when i think of all the shite they spouted in our nct class. 2 of us had sections, 2 had horrendous labour with distressed babies, forceps, blood loss, the works. 2 had ok births. 30%.

In my NCT class we had:

• 3 emergency sections
• 2 forceps births
• 1 third degree tear
• 1 lovely natural water birth

I remember in the classes they showed us the epidural needle and I was like "blimey no way am I having that thing anywhere near me". I tell you, when it came to it I didn't give a SHIT - I still remember the moment the epidural kicked in and it was fucking bliss, I got more of a high from that than when DS was actually born.

I’m so glad I went for the cesarean. With my son being back to back and no progress, I think it would’ve been awful.

Yes Juju Sundin. I haven't road tested the techniques yet ;) I'll come back in 5 weeks and let you know how it goes...

I found it really really helpful. It made a lot of sense to me, the idea of adrenaline needing something to do.

My mum has had four children and was with me, and she could see I was having real, proper, agonising contractions. But I was made to feel by the midwives that I was just being a wuss.

So many people have told me similar stories.

Yes Juju Sundin. I haven't road tested the techniques yet ;) I'll come back in 5 weeks and let you know how it goes...

I’m due in just under 4 :) best of luck! I have a section booked but in this heat I suspect early arrival isn’t totally out of the question.

Hope it all goes really safely and well for you bertie

I bought into hypnobirthing, and to be fair to helped remove the fear of labour whilst I was pregnant, and I we even looking forward to it.

In the end I got to 42w with nothing happening. I was so desperate for a natural/hypnotherapy/water birth I wanted to keep waiting. My waters broke and I thought this is it, but I didn't go into labour. I was induced which was horrible, but baby was back to back and labour slowed. In the end I had an EMCS. At the review after I was told that I shouldn't have waited, that it was the reason for all the complications after, the reason why I had an EMCS, why my baby stopped breathing, and probably contributed to my struggle to breastfeed advert that made the next few months a misery.

I'd love to have another baby but I'm even more terrified of labour than I was before. I thought I'd been prepared for the possibility of intervention, but in truth I was blinded to the idea, and deep down I didn't want to consider it.

I also did hypnobirthing with both my dc. I knew it was a crock of shit by the second time round, but did like the relaxation techniques.

I knew I was having a big baby because ds1 was a decent size, and I was a fucking beast of a size by the end of this pregnancy. But still the hypnobirthing teacher kept saying that I didn't need to worry as the baby would only grow to the size my body could manage.

Well ds2 was a 10lb baby. I'm 5 foot and very petite. THANK FUCK I had an epidural this time round.

@Lisasimpsonbfff

I totally agree. I bought the ‘calm birth method’ book. It claims to be promoted at all types of birth but most of the case studies focus on spontaneous, natural births without pain relief and imply that all woman should aspire to achieve this or can control it. The best outcome of birth is s healthy baby. I actually wrote to them and complained. There is quite a lot of good stuff in that book but it should include a more inclusive range of birth stories.

I know this isn't what people mean but I hate this "modern medicine has made it safe" thing. Not for the majority of women giving birth worldwide, it hasn't. Women still die all over the world in childbirth.

Baby's that are back to back are usually like that for a while, where you told by your community midwife to do any exercises or positions to turn baby?

Mine was not back to back throughout pregnancy, but it was kind of sideways. I was never given any advice that this was something to worry about, all my appointments led me to believe that every thing was great. At my review, the midwife said that the nhs were not allowed to give advice about baby positioning because there was not enough evidence based research, even though in her experience most complications in labor were because of sub optimal positioning. But going by their experience, we could have done a few things to encourage the baby to move into an optimal position.

Op, i hear you .
Get hold of a book by Ina May Gaskin called Spiritual Midwifery. It’s about a commune she lived in in the 70 s , (complete with hilarious pics of hippies on flares) and how they could not afford obstetricians, so she birthed all the women there. It was natural, because it was in a natural setting with the women being really heard and coached through labour.
The stats at the back of the book are amazing, I tjink1% c section rate.
It’s all proper hippy stuff about listening to the body, listening to the labouring woman and giving labour all the space time and support needed.
I think it falls apart when you get holistic stuff shoved into a rushed timeframe.
Midwives trust their skills less and less because they are less experienced as births are medicalised readily. A negative spiral.
Sounds pie in the sky , but it’s very grounded and all there in the stats.
Hope you have a really different experience if you have another birth.

YANBU. Giving birth is a painful, shocking experience. Natural or otherwise.

Don't listen to any fool who tells you otherwise. Don't fully accept what doctors tell you - they don't tell you about tearing and the possibility of it. They opt to rely on the mother's ignorance first time round and heap stigma and pressure on women who have reasonable doubt and fears.

All preparation for giving birth is just best guess and can only help so much. Midwives and HVs aggressively pushing great feeling also annoys me. Women know their own body best.

Women should be in charge of what happens to them. If they want a c section then it should be available - no questions asked. It's a cultural norm in other parts of the world. Birth plans should be flexible and realistic.

YANBU but just want to say that my first was a breathe it out, body did it all for me and used breathing from hypnobirthing. Not extremely painful. I thought that I was just very good at coping with pain. Second also straightforward, but about double the pain. No idea why, if anything I was less stressed as I was at home. So you don't know what you're going to get.

YANBU. My body didn’t “know” what to do, any more than my diabetic friend’s body “knows” how to make insulin. I failed to dilate for a day and a half, and as the pain increased beyond a maneagable level I eventually had EMCS.

"DwangelaForever

Deffo not natural birthers above all else annoy my happiness!! I've seen on crazy online VBAC groups women saying "babies know their due date""

I think mine actually did, I was being induced for 4 days before waters broke, then I still didn't go into labour so they used the hormone drip 12 hours later and she came out the next day on her due date.

I sure AF never thought labour was going to be some beautiful natural experience, I'm shocked anyone would. Natural as in my body was designed by nature/God to give birth, yes, beautiful...only if you have a really warped idea of beauty. 😂

YDNBU.

My body didn't have a fucking clue. It was confused before, during and afterwards.
It still hasn't forgiven me.