Too young?!

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Is 10 months old too young to put into nursery full time 5 days a week 8-6?

Would I be unreasonable to do so?

Ionly you wrote I’m pleased I did it as I still have an incredibly close relationship with my teen dds
I went back to work when my DD was 7months and worked fill time (teacher). My relationship with her is incredibly close (she’s 22 now). I don’t thin’ you can say SAH is the 9n,y way to be close to your children.

Bumpitybumper- from the research I've read it shows that nursery for under 2s isn't ideal because of a lack of 1 primary care giver to form an attachment too. Under 2 years old children need a secure attachment to a single person and that can be hard to achieve in a setting with high staff turn over or other factors that may mean a child is cared for by lots of different people. The results of the different research papers I've read seem very mixed and vague about whether it is detrimental or not.

I didn't give my experiences I'm my first post because I feel that other people's outcomes might not benefit op. My dd went to nursery at 14 months. She had a designated key worker and was looked after by the same person every day. Dd was happy going to nursery and seemed perfectly content. She's now 12 and very independent, well rounded and confident. I can confidently say nursery had no negative effects on her.

My ds attended the same nursery from 13 months. While he was there it underwent a massive change and many staff left. The 18 months he spent there he never seemed particularly happy going in. There was a high turn over or staff and he never had a permanent key worker. Ds is 9 now and isn't very confident or independent. He's a very different child to dd. I often wonder if the experience he had at nursery impacted him and had played a part in the kind of temperament he has. Obviously I will never know if it was as a result of his early experience or if that's just how he is.
I've decided on a childminder for dc3. I still feel nursery can provide a lovely nurturing start for children but there isn't one local to us that I'm comfortable with other wise I would be happy to put dc3 in nursery.

Op if you are happy with the nursery and feel confident that they can provide the care your baby needs then there's nothing wrong with putting a baby in nursery for you to work.

Learn to drive ( this will make your life so much easier in the longer term) and take a better paid party time job when your baby is older that may be further away but now possible.
Are you feeling isolated op?

Party - part

I do agree that many nurseries seems to have a high staff turn over, add in that many are on zero hour contracts and work shifts and you can't explain to a baby that her favourite person/key person will be here in 30mins, or has left because it's the end of their shift, is on holiday etc.

I feel most of this is overcome through the use of a childminder. You take annual leave when they do and are prewarned if they decide to look for a different job, it's a pain finding a new one but hopefully, you will have plenty of notice and time to figure something out and it seems much rarer than a nursery worker leaving. The same person is there all day with your child, so the same bonding and development is happening. I agree that children under 2 need primary carers, with a childminder that is only adding one more carer, with a nursery setting you can be adding quite a few more depending on the setting. Never worked in a nursery with less than 4 staff in the under 2s and often staff rotate in and out for lunch etc.

@RafikiIsTheBest how do you go about finding a childminder? Totally new to this. Childminder does seem like a good option.

My daughter has been at nursery for 3 days a week since she was 6 months old, she's now 3 and a half. If I didn't have my mum for the other 2 days she'd have gone full time, no hesitation. She loves nursery, its a brilliant environment for her - the staff are so caring and now that she's in the pre school room, are helping her develop her writing and numeracy. She's incredibly confident and sociable. If you need to do it, as long as you're happy with the nursery close to you, go for it.

Bear in mind with a childminder, especially if its just one person, that if they are ill/ their kids are ill you could be stuck with no childcare at the last minute... not ideal if you're working

@rainforesttreeswinging I have a driving licence. I know how to drive. I stopped driving three years ago due to various reasons. Firstly for my own and other road users safety Secondly because every time I was about to drive somewhere, I spent several hours beforehand panicking and stressing out about it. It made me really nervous and I felt sick with fear.

I don't feel isolated. Not yet anyway.

Although sometimes I do feel somewhat restricted without having a car. Things would certainly be easier if I was driving again.

Mine both did 4 days of 9hrs from a young age I actually went back on contract 4days a week at 9mths old but I used a day a week annual leave for 4mths so they on,y had to do 3 days until over a yr old.

Ds1 did 3 days cm and then the 4th day was nursery switching to 50/50 at 22mths
Ds2 couldn't find a good enough cm that I was prepared to take the v slight inconvenience if covering holidays etc so we chose a small nursery and he did 3days a week from 10mths and then 4 days from 14mths and at nearly 4 is fine.

We could have just got by but we have had 2 incomes and enjoyed other things too and had the security of if one loses their job then the other still has one.

@Camsie30 that's a really good point. I think that's perhaps why I only initially looked into nurseries rather than CM.

sorry op, was just meaning to say that at 22 you can afford to take a couple of years out career wise, if that's what you want, and still catch up by the time you are 30ish, so long as you keep investing in your skills. Depending where you live there may be help with study costs.

Well most on here will tell you it's a fantastic idea and nothing should stand in the way of your wants or your career!

But what do you honestly think?

I'm a sit on the fence kinda girl... and my reason being that I was with a chikdminder 07.30-5.30pm 5 days a week from 4 months old - 11 years old.

My mum absolutely did this for the right reasons; she was a primary school teacher and my dad left. She needed to provide for us and set me a good example.

I had a fantastic childhood with my childminder and still have a great relationship with her now. I never felt like an only child as there were always 4 of us - 6 including her own 2 girls. So I had a community, a family around me. I learnt to be independent and sociable with people from all walks of life.

As mum was a teacher we got the school holidays together which were even more special. She made sure we went back to Shropshire to see relatives and had lots of happy holidays both in the UK and abroad.

I'm now pregnant aged 24 with my first baby and am completely undecided with how we will manage childcare next year. But we will make it work for our family.

Only you know what is okay. X

@stressedtiredbuthappy I can see pros and cons to both. So honestly. I have no idea what to do for the best.

Anecdotally my dc who had longer nursery hours are more introverted and socially less confident than my dc who had little or no nursery. Particularly pronounced with the one who had no nursery who is much the most confident and outgoing child of all his peers. All anecdotal of course. But supported by the research. I would add that the least confident dc had one key worker all the way through to school who was relatively old by nursery worker standards so not the case, as is quite common in nursery settings, that it's a low qualified school leaves. Large numbers of lower ability girls end up doing childcare qualifications. For this reason I would definitely favour a childminder if needing full time care.

I would also like to refute the idea that sahms get brain rot. Absolute rubbish. It's very easy to keep the brain active.

I regret sending my first dc for such long hours (still not ft).

I absolutely wouldn’t.

I would have done anything to make sure I had that precious time with my child. I only work two short days, and have family help. It’s 12 hours a week. Work didn’t like it but I would have left if they’d said no.

You really will miss out on so much. I even miss bits during the 12 hours I’m not with her. It’s amazing. Watching a baby become a toddler and then beyond is just the most fascinating thing.

It’s not for everyone I guess.

Are you based in the uk? If so its your right as a parent to propose flexible hours. The employer must seriously consider reasonable requests and only offer alternatives if its genuinely unsuitable to business

Could at least help you go part time

@ferrier this is why you choose your nursery carefully. Ask about staff turn over and do your research. Our nursery had some very highly qualified staff, very few are school leavers and most have worked there for years. There is a mix of male and female staff and a mix of ages. This can provide an enriching experience for children.

Nursery also offers a greater deal of flexibility - they tend to be open all year round so you aren't affected by staff holidays or sickness.

The key is to visit a mix of nursery's and childminders and see which you prefer.

@Jessiemay88 Yes, in the UK. Assumed that any position that's Full time and hours have been asked to be reduced, etc, would be seen as unsuitable for the business

I am planning on doing it with this baby at ten months because my MAT leave will be up and I teach so ideally must return in September. DP also works FT 9-5 so nursery is our only real option. I don’t feel guilty about working and won’t be made to either...

My twins were fine doing that from 9 months.

DD was not. She hugely struggled. Tried several times to integrate her at different ages but was only successful from age 2.5.

Every kid is different!

@Mousefunky it's not that I feel guilty because I don't and wouldn't if that was the decision I made. I'm just torn between making the decision because I can see pros and cons to both options.

I suppose really I'm conscious of missing precious moments and milestones with DS if I return to work FT if he's only ten months old. That's more for me though rather than DS and guilt etc.

Will your salary cover the nursery fees? Unless you love admin work I think I'd be tempted spend some time training for a job you will really love rather than working just to pay nursery fees.

OP

1. My mum says her biggest regret is not spending more time with me because she was working My mum's biggest regret was not working and being financially independent from my abusive father
2. All years in a child's life are precious, not only up to when they are 4 years old. I don't understand people who say they don't want to miss a moment when their child is 2 years old but are happy to "pack them off" (see what I did there ) to school, university etc. a few years later. There will be plenty of special moments and activities/cuddles with your child when you are not at work and you will make every moment matter rather than wishing time away because you are at home all day long.
3. Speaking as a researcher with a background in developmental psychology, I can assure you there are plenty of studies showing that nursery for under 2's is good for them. You can use research to prove completely opposite things, as your results depend on the questions you ask, how you analyze your data etc. and this is an area that can be hugely influenced by current social trends rather than the other way around.
4. MN is full of SAHMs from the UK/US and similar countries where there is no free childcare for young children, so the opinions you get will be biased.