Too young?!

[popitk]

Is 10 months old too young to put into nursery full time 5 days a week 8-6?

Would I be unreasonable to do so?

Does you OH Work Monday-Friday? Could you get a weekend job to top up the family budgrt!?x

Sorry about the x

Could your DP ask to go part time, 4 days a week, or work compressed hours to allow him to do a day's childcare? What would the finances be like if you did that?

@loonoon just mums not dads??

It’s old fashioned I know but I do think mums are best (particularly when breast feeding) although dads are also good. As are any loving, attentive, consistent primary care givers.

I agree with those pointing out that teenagers need you more. My DDs went to full time nursery from 6 months old. I'd have liked to do part time, but it was not an option in my job, nor was flexible working available back then. Fortunately both DDs were obliging about taking their first steps and speaking their first words in our presence, not at nursery.

These days I work 7.30 - 3.30. Secondary school is walking distance and so we have the evening together. Having that has been invaluable - far more so than it would have been in the baby years. I can support with after school events, assist with GCSE stuff and generally be a listening ear.

I'm also now a single parent and I am so glad that I haven't had a career break to be a SAHM - my STBXH is an alcoholic and has no job, but I can provide for the DDs out of my wages. That wouldn't have been possible if I'd been out of the workplace or had less progression.

You have to do what's necessary, and a good nursery with low staff turnover does work really well.

@loonoon yes out dated and insulting.
Honestly , sometimes I read threads on here and think I've been transported back to the 1950s

I love the guilt trips that come out in these threads I'm sure fathers don't have this dilemma.

A child under 2 does need a primary care giver to form strong attachments but as long as your baby has a key worker in nursery they will have that.
If you are happy with the nursery and feel it's a good environment for your child don't feel guilty or that you should be a sahm. Give it a go and if it doesn't work out then give up your job . No harm in trying it. I say that as someone who has a 12 year old so I'm very aware of how quick the time goes.

DS went at 16 weeks, 8 - 4.30 every day. He loved it.

Like it or not the research suggests that FT nursery wouldn't be ideal for your child. Of course lots of posters on MN that chose to put their DC in FT nursery will defend it and explain how their DC emerged completely unscathed and in fact positively thrived, but I personally would value the findings from independent studies over such anecdotal evidence where quite frankly the parents are incentivised to champion nurseries as it fits in with their own world view and makes them feel better. After all none of us actually want to believe that we haven't done what's best for our child. Children are all different and I'm sure some do indeed thrive in a nursery setting but generally this isn't ideal and anyone that thinks that pointing this out is an attempt to guilt trip mothers seriously need to question their own motives. Sorry for the rant but I get really frustrated when people dismiss studies and research because they don't like the findings.

What I do also believe however is that family decisions should be made in a manner that ideally balances everybody's wants and needs. If working is important to you then it must absolutely be a major consideration and you may well decide as a family that the sacrifice of you not working exceeds any detriment your child may incur from FT nursery and therefore nursery is right for your family. As other posters have said, something that may be potentially suboptimal for your DC now may be beneficial in the future, so it's important to play the long game.

@AssassinatedBeauty not something I've looked into but OH earns a lot more than me so probably not doable finance wise

I went back earlier than I had wanted. Was made redundant on maternity leave but then found another job in walking distance of home but had to start when baby was only 4 months. Was worth it though as has been so great not having a long commute for the last 11 years which has meant a much better work life balance overall. So perhaps one thing to consider is how likely it is you would find a job near home if you did have a few years off. Also agree with others re you talking to your boss about shorter hours. From what you've said I think he might agree to that.

@Pinkgeorge he does work Monday to Friday. Would hate to get a weekend job as I'd feel we weren't spending any time together as a family if i did that

@MarieMorgan I'd have to have a job near Home as I don't drive. Never had to commute on public transport before either and would be petrified of having to do this so that's a good point. Lucky I have a job within walking distance and might struggle to find another one ^^

@bumpity can you link to these studies please?

If you're considering what has a detrimental effect on young children the poverty comes at the top. Poverty has wide ranging effects on development - and children from families living in poverty tend to attend poorer quality childcare provision. Poor childcare provision does have a negative impact on children.

The results are very different when looking at high quality childcare and more affluent families.

Bear in mind that these threads are self-selecting. Most posters who wouldn’t approve of your plan will just read and run and keep their thoughts to themselves. Posters who have used nursery for 50hrs a week themselves will naturally post in full support, either because it worked for them or because there is solidarity in reinforcing your choices.

You won’t get a balanced view.

Bumpitybumper - the issue with posts like yours is that there is an assumption of a consensus from research and often there isn't. Research is also prone to being interpreted in different ways depending on someone's agenda
For example there was a study done on the saliva of children in nursery which showed they had raised stress levels. However this was interpreted by some researchers as negative and others as positive (on the basis that some stress is good and therefore perhaps the children were being better stimulated). Much research appears to give a particular finding but when looked at further there are often particular factors in play which means it's difficult to be sure. Most people don't look beyond a simple headline so miss the qualifiers in the detail.

Why would you need a cleaner? The house will be empty all week??
My eldest two went to nursery at 20 weeks, they loved it. I planned to stay at home longer with my youngest but was bored, depressed and got fat. I wanted to be 'guest and not just mum!
The financial aspect is just one small part of the benefits of work.
You have holidays, evenings and weekends. And as pp have said your child will do so many different activities that'll be far more entertaining than food shopping at asda or watching paw patrol while you clean.

If you are not married do NOT give up your job. You have absolutely no protection under the law.

It sounds like your employer is desperate to get you back so use this to negotiate 4 days.

Check your eligibility to tax credits etc too.
Make a long term plan - perhaps when your D.C. turns 3 and you get your free hours you could go to college and eventually make your dream of becoming a teacher?

@SometimesMaybe could you explain the marriage thing to me? A few people have mentioned it but I'm confused as to what protection I don't have as I'm not married...

I'm definitely going to speak to my employer and see what we can negotiate in regards to reduced hours. Can only hope they want me to return as much as they say they do!

Hopefully one day in the future I'll be able to think about studying, just doesn't seem doable any time soon.

@MarieMorgan Yes I do understand what you're saying and don't necessarily disagree, but I'm really worried that we are turning into a society that just rejects the generally agreed "best guess" findings and conclusions from studies because they quite frankly aren't very convenient and don't fit in in what what we want to do.

I view the issue of FT nursery for babies similarly to how I view a lot of parenting decisions such as screen time for kids, not giving kids enough vegetables etc. The studies may indicate that lots of things aren't optimal for our DC and yet for many different reasons most parents (including myself) will still do some of them anyway. I don't necessarily see anything wrong in accepting that sometimes we all do things that aren't the absolute best thing possible for our DC (within reason of course) as sometimes it's not possible or sensible to do the optimal thing and sometimes we prioritise other things. I think there should be a greater acceptance that parenting is often about compromised solutions and not achieving perfection as I think it would allieviate a lot of guilt from a lot of people.

You won't need a cleaner so I wouldn't worry about that.

Work is about so much more than money. It's a pension, having the means to support yourself should your relationship break down, a social aspect, work ethic bring shown to children, using your brain etc.

Children do a lot in nursery as well as receive the early years education.

@boxset you are so right. What worries me sometimes is that the decision to not return to work or significantly reduce hours is often made in the context of their DH/P's job and all the things you mentioned are forgotten or the assumption is made that they can be picked up in years to come.

There is so much more to a career than the salary it brings.

Im going to present a different view - my DS1, despite being a confident and outgoing child in our care, is actually fairly shy , clingy and anxious in new environments. He is 3.5 now and I’m only just increasing his nursery hours to 2 days a week. He has always been like this. I have always socialised him- since he was born we have been to playgroups, music groups, tumble tots, soft play etc etc etc. I don’t think full time nursery would have benefitted him but fortunately we were in a position that we had the choice.

Tbh I think if you can go down to 4 days a week, that would make a huge difference. Also consider a childminder which are often cheaper and can provide a more homely environment. Looking back, I probably would have gone for the childminder option instead of nursery with DS1

I was looking at another thread a couple of days ago about the link between income and achievement at school. Even with all other factors accounted for, income levels are still by far the most reliable predictor of school attainment. So from that pov op would be better going back to work, building her career, and increasing her earning power.

Also op, i would have a browse through the many threads on here from sahm who are trying to return to work after a few years out. Many are finding it next to impossible. I'm really worried about this myself as I'm about to go on mat leave with my 2nd and don't intend to return to my job (teaching). An employment gap now may well be very hard to get past later, especially as you are still quite young and so will only have a few years of work on your cv.

The marriage thing others can explain better than I can, but basically if your dp walks out on you and your dc and you are unmarried, you have very little legal protection.