Too young?!

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Is 10 months old too young to put into nursery full time 5 days a week 8-6?

Would I be unreasonable to do so?

In your shoes at your age I’d work now ft and put in s flexi request when your dd starts school. You’ll have five more years experience/track record and school is harder to work round than private Nursery.

I reduced my hours and went back to work part time. This worked well for us, was manageable financially and I was able to spend an extra day a week with DD until she went to school.

It's obviously not uncommon, but I also don't think it's ideal, so I don't know why someone would do it if they didn't really need to.

Most of my friends had to do it around a year or so (some earlier, some later), but we've managed to avoid childcare altogether, and it's been great. We don't spend on anything extravagant, hardly spend any money at christmas (just gifts for nephews and nieces, actually!) and who cares? Our son is 2, he doesn't care how much money we do or don't spend. He just wants to go to the park with us!

@Blaablaablaa exactly right, my ds key workers loved him to bits and even now have made effort to contact him to send best wishes as he now moves to secondary school.
Have any of you considered that actually having child at nursery makes you value the time with them far more?

Also, I could've been a SAHM but I love my chosen career and the subject I teach. This also feeds back into making me a damn sight happier at home than being a SAHM. Personally I would've gone crazy...just had Year out with DS2 and am ready to go back now.

I wouldn't have done it, unless I had absolutely no choice. Babies don't even know that Christmas exists, so you really don't need to worry about that. I gave up my job when the DC were born, and money was certainly tight, but they gained far more than they lost.

@deadhead exactly!! Not to mention the development side of things - both academic and social.

My DS has another year in pre-school but is easily ready now to go to school now. That's due to nursery and everything they do.

Our nursery put on amazing events for parents and kids. It's a real community and enhances his childhood no end...in a way I couldn't if I was at home alone with him.

@Deadheadstickeronacadillac i'm the same, definitely not SAHM material! Loving being a mum, but i need to work

@deadhead I think you're me!! I'm much happier when I get to go out to work!

On the other hand at 22 with an admin job you are not going to lose career ground by going part time or taking a longer career break, especially if you use the time to gain some qualifications and do other things as well. Talk to your employer. If they value you a jobshare/ part-time role may be possible, giving you and your ds a better balance. Make sure they know you want to be with the business longer term and will be looking for greater responsibility at some point. Either way, plan to have skills, qualifications and a driving license by the time your baby starts school.

Is it not possible to go part time in your current job?

@diego some people choose to do it because that's what's best for the whole family. Not just the child.

Some women want to keep their career and financial independence and don't see why having a child has to alter that.

Some women are happy staying at home ....for others that their idea of hell.

I chose to go back to work. I chose to put my DS in nursery one day a week at 6months while I was still on mat leave. It's 2018 - we have those choices now.

Op what are your options like for flexi/ wfh/ taking baby into the office with you 1 day/ 1 morning a week.
These are all things I’ve seen in admin roles before.
I did a f/t NHS admin job from home and managed to condense it into 3.5 days (long ones)

@missymayhemsmum I have good GCSE grades but that's as far as my qualifications go. I had some MH issues whilst studying for my A Levels and dropped out and started working FT. Gutted when I think back as I'd have loved to have got my A Levels and gone to Uni and eventually got into teaching.

I do have a driving licence but decided to get rid of my car and stop driving for the safety of myself and other road users haven't driven for three years now. Luckily I live in a town and shops and schools are walking distance.

Can you afford a combo of nanny and nursery?

@Penisbeakerismyfavethread I went into work the other day so my colleagues could meet DS.

My employer made it clear he is desperate for me to return and wants me back ASAP. (Have only been on Mat leave since May). He even said i could bring DS in with me everyday 😂 but obviously in reality that's not doable. Definitely not the environment for a baby

Employer might be open to me say only working Mon- Thurs but not sure any less would be doable as it's really a FT and I can't see them wanting me to job share

It's always worth asking and opening up a discussion with employer though, especially if they really do want me to return as much as they say they do!

@Wonkypalmtree have no idea. Not sure what costs for nannies are like.

Have just looked at one nursery so far. Fees FT are £960 a month. My wages are £1300

Oh op there’s so much bollocks and guilt around motherhood and other people’s opinions.

Look a sahm who doesn’t want to be so snd is bored with the kids isn’t in any way as good as a nursery. A crap nursery is a crap nursery. Just like CMs.

A child will thrive surrounded by loving stimulating adults be they mum, dad, Cm, granny, nursery etc.

You stay in your job and don’t let anyone guilt trip you I wish I had and I adore my kids but u gave up a good career and now am a bit lost now they are grown up.

To be quite honest you need to be around more for teenagers in my opinion. Small children are far easier to manage and mind.

It's 2018 - we have those choices now.

True. I suppose I was just giving my opinion. Which I maintain.

I would sacrifice pretty much anything to be with my babies for as long as possible. Children don't need anything beyond the essentials (obviously if you could not afford the basics there would be no discussion) All they need is time with their parents and to enjoy their babyhood and early childhood and learning secure attachment. There are some pretty compelling research that the first few years of life is when a baby forms certain neurological pathways and separating a baby from his mother at this age is not ideal.

You may come to regret rushing back to a FT job, as you can not get the time back ever again. It is lost, and yes you will miss pretty much everything as he will only be home long enough for you to put him in his cot to sleep.

I wouldn’t want to put a young child in childcare. But if don’t want to lose job security then I would speak to your boss about going down to 4 days.
If you want to be a teacher could you use these years when your son is young to study? A part time access course and then on to uni?

My youngest went to nursery (mornings) from 10 months . Loved it, learned loads, bright and very sociable little one who went on to get really good exam results and go to a good uni.
He may well have taken his first steps at nursery, but they never told me if he did, so as far as I was concerned, the first time I saw him do it was the first time that he did do it!
It helped my sanity to return to work and helped my career.
Do what you feel you need to do. Your child will be fine whatever you decide.

@3WildOnes I'd love to do that but wouldn't be able to afford the costs of studying. I've not looked into it but assume it's not free

If you can afford to SAH and you want to SAH, do it. When DC were little I was mainly a SAHM (A bit of p/t work here and there in the evenings). We were totally skint, once mortgage and bills were paid we had very little left. I haunted second hand shops and nearly new sales. The toy library was a godsend. We ate very frugally and only from budget supermarkets. I can honestly say they were the happiest days of my life. The privilege of being a full time SAHM was worth every sacrifice.

Little kids don’t care about frills and luxuries and designer names. They just want their mums around as much as possible.

I think this needs to be looked at as a what are the advantages and disadvantages of going back to work FT as opposed to SAHPing issue. As there are downsides to both really.

If you're in admin, I'd be fairly surprised if you can't find a new part time job though.