Too young?!

[popitk]

Is 10 months old too young to put into nursery full time 5 days a week 8-6?

Would I be unreasonable to do so?

@pop honestly don't worry. I'd you find a high quality childcare provider it will be fine. Like I said my DS has been in nursery since he was 10 months and is exceeding all his milestones. He's such a happy boy and nursery has been nothing but a source of joy for him .

Your worries about you career are well founded .....like it or not taking a significant career break or going part time is likely to have a detrimental effect on your career success.

Lots of people will tell you it's a terrible thing but it doesn't have to be. It's been an incredibly positive thing for me and my family plus my career has continued to soar which now actually gives me an enormous amount of flexibility.

An under 3 will benefit much more from being cared for by someone who loves them than from the family having extra money.

I understand the worry of struggling to get a job.

I don't understand why you're worried about xmas versus missing precious years.

Surely xmas is unimportant in the grand scheme of things?

Babies go from 7.30 to 6.30 Monday to Friday. Won't they be confused as to who their primary caregiver is? They must go to bed soon after coming home?

Oh and for those laying on the guilt telling you under 3's need to be with someone who loves them......my DS's key workers adore him and the feeling is mutual. He feels cared for and loved at nursery and at home.

Children need to be with people who care for them and provide a safe and stimulating environment. That doesn't have to be you 24/7

I'm going back to work full time and am lucky i have family to help. But if i didn't i would send LO to nursery full time. I love my job and am looking forqrd to going back when LO is 9 months old. I think its important i carry on my career. A break of even 1 or 2 years would set me back. I'd rather work full time and now and get up to a decent pay grade, then me and my partner have options in the future, such as reducing hours for shool drop off/pick up. These are the things she will remember whether i am there or not

@WorraLiberty another good point that's why I posted here. Needed different opinions to put things into perspective and you're right in the grand scheme of things xmas does seem far less important

mine went from 4 months on or 6 months on and are fine. get a good nursery or childminder and you are fine!

My daughter has been at nursery 8am-5pm 5 days a week since 11 months old, and my 11 month old son is due to start the same hours in the next couple of weeks as I return to work. My daughter loves nursery, and is a happy and sociable little girl. I don’t feel I’m missing out as we spend the whole weekend doing activities as a family

@sagasleathertrousers not married no

Although I'd like to be but that's another thread entirely

My dd was never confused about loving me and her dad! How bizarre.

Also, her nursery workers have cared for her amazingly. Her key worker from when she was in the baby room gave me a teary hug when I collected her on her last day. Find a good nursery and your little one will be more than fine!

Blaablaablaa no-one is 'laying on the guilt'.

The OP has started a discussion and that's what this is.

@Blaablaablaa thanks for the advice!

Did you or do you ever feel that you've missed out on things with your dc? That's what I worry about the most, missing memorable moments and such

@popitk do not give up work and be a SAHM if you're not married. You havr very little protection in regards to loss of income/pension contributions etc.

Also, don't forget you're only paying half the fees so will have more than £300 leftover, your partner is paying for the other half!

Assume your Oh is agonising as we speak over whether or not he should give up his job to stay at home. However will your LO know who its father is if he's out at work every day instead of at home?

We're talking about nursery, not boarding school. Don't let people guilt trip you into making a decision that isn't right for you.

@lazypuppy makes an excellent point. It's when they start school that a greater deal of flexibility is required. That flexibility is often much easier to get when you've worked for an organisation for a long time and proved your worth - and maybe even gained some seniority.

It's very difficult to walk into a job that pays well and offers flexibility when you've been out of the labour market for a while.

A lot depends on your OH’s job security and how likely you are to get a job in your field once the kids are at school. In our case, DH’s industry was pretty insecure at the time, and he had been made redundant previously. Me stopping work would have made life extremely difficult had he been made redundant at that time. In addition to that, my job is in a very specialised field, posts don’t come up that often, and it’s very difficult to get back into this line of work after a career break. I am also the bigger earner, with about as secure a job as you can get these days.

Obviously you have to weigh up what will work for your family. Yes, we did more or less just hand DH’s wage over to nursery, but it’s only for a relatively short while until they start school (seems forever away when they’re only 10mo but it soon comes!)

For what it’s worth mine both started nursery at 10mo. The oldest is 6 and still good friends with the group of kids he went to nursery with. Out youngest is under assessment for asd, and nursery staff have been brilliantly supportive in this process. We wouldn’t change the decision to put them in nursery.

Not unreasonable, and certainly not unusual. My LO has been in nursery and with family for a few days a week since 6 months old, doing very well. I went to a childminder from 9 months old and haven’t felt any ill effects because of it. As you suggest my mum went part time when I went to school, and I do remember cooking with her after school etc. I’m not going to lie you will get the working Mum guilt, but it’s whatever works best for you. If you really don’t like it you can always leave knowing moneywise you’re secure.

@AnoukSpirit OH is skilled and earns 10k more than me per year and i think is probably getting a pay rise soon too so makes sense that it's me that does the agonising over whether to return to work or not

@pop not at all. Nursery are fab at sharing pictures and videos and we make the most of our time together in evenings and weekends. He's got such strong bonds with the staff that he feels safe and cared for.

What I absolutely love is seeing how much he progresses....they really challenge him and do so much with all the kids. Things I wouldn't even think of doing. Plus they get to do all the messy play there and not at home!!

I've also kept my career going which was important and I know I'll have the flexibility when I need it - that's more important when they start school than when they're nursery age.

@ipswichwitch OH job is definitely secure. Even if it wasn't i don't think he'd struggle to find something pretty quickly due to the field he works in and the skills he has.

My job less so. I work in admin . Am only 22 so don't have a lot of experience behind me anyway. For me to find another job as I'm unskilled would be competing with lots and lots of other applicants, probably with more experience and skills than me. Hence why I don't want to lose my current job. It's good pay for what it is, my boss really values me, close to home as I don't drive. Think I'd really struggle to find another job

@Alibaba87 my mum worked full time when I was at primary school and I spent a lot of time at after schools clubs etc. My mum says her biggest regret is not spending more time with me because she was working. Although she was a single mum and did her best. She was a SAHM when I was in nursery but I don't even remember being in nursery! 😂

@Lazypuppy OH and I have a joint account and our wages go straight into that. All our outgoings come out of the same account.

OH wages would be paying rent, bills, food, etc so my wages would be covering fees but as it's a joint account, wages all go in and outgoings come out and jointly we would have £300 left over

Do it and in 6 months or so if it's not working for you all then stop. Plenty of families do it and it's works for them. Plus you never know what life is going to throw at you. I've been in work and out whilst bringing up young children and it was tough both times. There is no right or wrong answer, only what works for you. If you find the right childcare provider your child we be well looked after.

Could you reduce to a 4 day week? Only if you want to of course. Mine both went to a CM from 6-8m old.