to think that I should be able to visit my parents for a couple of days when on maternity?

[PinkEred]

26 weeks pregnant, baby due in November. My parents live about a 3 hour drive away and I was hoping that as I'm taking a year of maternity leave, that once baby is 6 months+ I could go and visit them. This would likely be during the week when DP is at work so I would still have my weekend with DP.

I would only visit 2/3 times most likely in my whole maternity leave and not until baby is much bigger.

DP can't get the time off. 100% of his leave is used on having his DD for his share of the time over the summer and Christmas holidays. This is absolutely fine, but means he can't visit my family with me at the times which suit them best (not school holidays as they struggle to get time off).

DP thinks it is unreasonable for him to have to be away from his DC for 2/3 days during the first year of their life.

AIBU to think that if all DPs leave is going on his DD, meaning he can't take time off unless it is in the school holidays, that I am perfectly reasonable in going away with DC for 2/3 days once in a blue moon?

Genuinely don't know if IABU or not. We haven't argued over this and I am being sensitive to how he feels, and have just said that we will discuss it at another time so discussion didn't go much further than that...

My DH doesn't really see the DCs during the week as he gets home from work after they're asleep.
He would bloody love it if I took them away for a weekend, and TBH I would be pleased if he did the same for me. We see it as a really kind thing to do for each other- letting the other one have a proper rest. Just wait until you've had the baby and he's experienced how relentless it can be- he'll be encouraging you to go.

He's being ridiculous and no doubt forgetting what having a baby in the house is like. He'll bloody love the quality of sleep when you're away! It's not like you're leaving him for a month at a time. Even a week or two would be perfectly reasonable tbh.

He is being really childish! YANBU

I regularly visit my parents with the kids, staying ove for 2/3 days. I think it’s important for my children to have a relationship with their grandparents. My brother lives 600 miles away and I’ve also taken the kid to visit him.

If my husband had tried to take my DS away from me as a baby for a couple of nights I'd be very upset. The first time he spent a night away from me he was 14 months.
I don't see what's wrong with a man not wanting his baby away from him.

"DH's family live a couple of hours away and he's suggested he's going to take the baby away to stay with MIL for a few nights. I can't go, aibu to not want my young baby be away from me?" - you'd get different answers.

Surely it would depend on how old the baby was, if she was breastfeeding and the reason for not being able to go.

Lots of parents are away from their children overnight/ for x number of days, and in this case it is a few days, most of which he will be at work or asleep.

Nobody is " trying to take a baby away" from anyone. The op is planning to visit her folks .

@MsPavlichenko you might want to quote the rest of that sentence

Lol wait till the lack of sleep is getting to him and he will be delighted to have a few nights without you both. It's totally normal and I'm sure he will realise that when baby is here. Good luck.

My parents where 4 hours away, I visited them monthly sometime with dh, mostly on own, sometimes for a week as 2/3 wasn't worth it. He was totally fine. I think if I did the same now she's 3 it'd be different as he'd miss her to much.

kaytee87 No. I assume people can read, and my point stands.

It does sound weird and possessive. We live 10 hours drive from my family and 5 times in my year off on mat leave DH drove us the 10’hours there and then flew home. He would fly back either a week or 2 later to collect us and drive us 10 hours home again. On one occasion he stayed the whole time and the others He stayed various amounts of time from 1 night to 1 week.

He has to be realistic about this - you have this one chance of being off work for a year and therefore can go and visit your logistically difficult to get to family more often than usual. How much will he really miss out on with you going away for a few days. You taking all the leave means you’ve jointly decided that you are the primary carer therefore baby does what you do.

If he's going to miss the baby too much why don't you do a few trips, some you leave the baby at home with him and some you take the baby? Or can you not both go at weekends? Make a mix up of it all.
That way you both get a break and he might be a bit less anxious to be apart from the baby if he sees you doing the same and treating it like the break that it is.

That would have been 100% my dh, his face would drop when I suggested my mum and I might go somewhere with baby without him.

So many hypothetical conversations like your one when I was pregnant and actually in reality we did not care one iota. The thought of it was worse than the reality- he was also afraid the baby would end up preferring my mom, basically his brain was running 10 miles ahead of reality. I think it’s just fear of the great unknown.

As for controlling and abuse- if when the baby is born he still is pushing for you not to go that’s when I’d worry. All sounds normal to me now.

Always find it weird that mums get to decide when and how they spend days and nights away from their children but dads do not.

And then mums complain about how Dads start to pull away from anything to do with the kids.

Only you can decide OP if this is right for you and DP but never, ever, take a stance against your child being away from you when you dont want it.