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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by people who let their kids run round supermarkets 'playing'

669 replies

ProperLavs · 26/07/2018 15:04

Actually screaming and running into people.
I had an interesting 'conversation' with a woman when i muttered for someone to stop them screaming and running around. This woman, who didn't actually have anything to do with the kids, who were roughly 4 and 2, told me they were only playing.

I told her it was a very busy supermarket and they shouldn't be playing here
She then muttered about some people having to take their children shopping. I told her I had had to take all of mine (6 under 8) and no they were't ever allowed to run round screaming whilst I ignored them.
Wtf is wrong with people?

OP posts:
Happygoldfinch · 29/07/2018 13:36

"we laugh at the children and parents who can't seem to behave appropriately" - yes, that came across as fairly awful. I didn't mean in an out-loud, bullying way - more of an observational amusement shared between the three of us. That being said, I'm not sure I should be the one feeling chastised here...

Teateaandmoretea · 29/07/2018 13:37

TBF Maisy I think that it is most evident at school (and in primary schools as well) rather than in the supermarket.

Teateaandmoretea · 29/07/2018 13:39

That being said, I'm not sure I should be the one feeling chastised here...

Why do you think that? Bringing your children up to be smug and judgemental is hardly something to be proud of either. I also doubt that they are as perfect as you are making out anyway.

Happygoldfinch · 29/07/2018 13:49

I'm bringing them up to be able to control their behaviour and, yes, to be able to recognise inappropriate behaviour in others and to be confident enough to judge situations - and that includes judging people. And their behaviour when we shop is impeccable. My problem now is that they are not confident to stand up for themselves because they are almost too polite. But that's for another thread. Anyway, I'd much rather they were happy, polite and respectful as we shopped than the children described by OP. I think we have earned the right to be smug and judgemental - it was hard work.

likeacrow · 29/07/2018 13:49

I don't think anyone wants to feel chastised do they? Particularly when it comes to their parenting...

Spikeyball · 29/07/2018 13:52

It is better not to bring your child up to be a person who laughs at someone who behaves differently however quietly observational they think they are being.
I've seen it done to my child and have told the children doing it off.

RainbowBriteRules · 29/07/2018 13:52

Well if being a good parent means being smug, laughing at others and discussing how their ‘active choices’ led to their children being excited in supermarkets then I think I’ll stick to being a shit one.

Teateaandmoretea · 29/07/2018 14:06

I think we have earned the right to be smug and judgemental - it was hard work.

Good luck for the future. The old fashioned saying 'pride comes before a fall' comes to mind.......

Happygoldfinch · 29/07/2018 14:07

I'm trying to think of the last time we shared a smug moment, and it was this. A mum told her dd that she would have to wait until they were at home for an ice cream. The dd (aged about 9) started shouting, "But mum, no, mum, mum..." The mum walked away. The daughter followed and then went for the mother's handbag, trying to pull it off her mother's shoulder to get inside to the purse. The child got the ice cream, and I got to squeeze my dd's hand in a moment of private praise. We all enjoy smug moments during which we judge others - have you really never compared yourselves favourably to others in order to feel a little better about yourselves?!

Teateaandmoretea · 29/07/2018 14:17

have you really never compared yourselves favourably to others in order to feel a little better about yourselves

Isn't this actually the mindset of bullies?

Original poster
ProperLavs · 29/07/2018 14:17

i have never felt smug about my own children being very well behaved and considerate in public. I expect them to be that way because it is my job as a parent to ensure they are that way. I do judge parents and children who clearly cannot be arsed to put the effort in though. I don't feel smug I just feel annoyed.

OP posts:
Spikeyball · 29/07/2018 14:25

Happygoldfinch you are bringing your children up to be bullies and I hope my vulnerable child never has the misfortune to come into contact with them.

Happygoldfinch · 29/07/2018 14:29

I'm really struggling not to come across as some smirking, self-righteous banshee here...

gandalf456 · 29/07/2018 14:34

I had ths done to me in Clarks when ds was about 3 and getting impatient, tantrum y and running off.

As we left a mum said to her kids 'you've been very good' clearly directing the comment at me. It didn't feel very nice and it wasn't even really for the benefit of her children either. It was a very sneaky way of being a bitch.

A lot of parents get over this bitchiness when they have teens to contend with, ehen they realise it isn't always easy even if you do the right thing

Original poster
ProperLavs · 29/07/2018 14:53

teens are another matter altogether of course!

OP posts:
threecee · 29/07/2018 14:57

Who else is responsible then ?

Original poster
ProperLavs · 29/07/2018 15:04

responsible for what?

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 29/07/2018 15:05

Teateaandmoretea
It's all features of the same/similar mindset.
Kids running around in the supermarket because they're just kids and isn't it funny/I'm too lazy to parent.
Primart school - so what if my child was talking when they should have been listening, they're just a chatty child and spirited. Yes my child did X Y Z but it's just kids being kids and they are energetic. Yes by boy shoved another child, but boys will be boys. What can you do? You can't keep my child in at playtime. No wonder they misbehaved again because you took their playtime off them aged 10 so it's not their faukt they were loud and disruptive.

Secondary - (having been told all their life that rules don't apply to them) So what if my child argued back, teachers are not God and I have brought my children up to know when to ignore people who give stupid instructions. The teacher claims my DC disrupted the lesson by arguing but really the teacher disrupted their own lesson by answering my child back over whateveer rule their child felt didn't apply. If teachers actually spent more time teaching and less time on power trips then maybe we'd get somewhere. DC has been in isolation for just asking a question. The teacher gave my DC a detention for only having a drink etc. (Reality is teen DC doesn't behave, knows mum will back them, thinks they are above rules and ruin the learning environment for other students)

likeacrow · 29/07/2018 15:10

@Happygoldfinch we all feel smug and judgemental sometimes, of course.

Sometimes we just give in and give the kid the fucking ice cream to stem off a public tantrum. (I've personally not done this as DD is too young to tantrum for ice cream, yet...)
We're all just human.

Original poster
ProperLavs · 29/07/2018 15:12

If you give in to a tantrum you are really asking for trouble. The child knows that you will give in, so the next time they do it again. You try to dig your heels in so they up the ante and you give in.

OP posts:
likeacrow · 29/07/2018 15:18

Oh I know. I'm just realistic.

Baumederose · 29/07/2018 15:20

We are all responsible for ourselves, out actions and our feelings

Teaching the opposite of this to children brings them, and the rest of the world, a life time of pain and misery.

For those who are teaching them if they badger enough you give in, they find it so much harder when the rest of the world says no, and they don't get their way. You are doing them zero favours and setting them up to be very unhappy.

gandalf456 · 29/07/2018 15:39

My dd is undergoing a possible adhd diagnosis at 14. She could tantrum for England at 2. The difference beween her and ds is that, if you dig your heels in, eventually he'll comply. She will go on for hours.

Some parents do just have to work harder than others with less to show for it. Unfortunately, that is not always obvious to the general public and one needs to keep an open mind sometimes

noeyedeer · 29/07/2018 15:42

Gandalf456 I could've been that mum in Clark's.
It might not have seemed like it was for the children's benefit (and if it really wasn't it was a horrid comment).

My son's (3&7) are hard work when shopping. If they see others playing up, they want to too. Oldest can/has been a nightmare. Yesterday I was making a point to praise them both because they behaved really well when out and about doing some very necessary jobs. To onlookers, it probably looked over the top or unnecessary, but after the epic tantrum we'd had that morning, and the dread I'd felt about getting out the house, DSs needed to hear that I did recognise and appreciate their good behaviour.

If it was me, I apologise.

gandalf456 · 29/07/2018 15:45

I doubt it was you. My ds is 9 now. Smile

But thanks for offering a different perspective Flowers

I guess that was how I was feeling at the time