Who gets to decide about child's haircut?

[Tigertotea]

Assuming the child doesn't really have an opinion on the matter. We've asked her and she has no fixed ideas, says something completely different each time.

3 year old girl, I want to get her hair cut shorter because I find it quite messy and harder to deal with and I think short hair is cute. Plus it's always slipping out of clips and getting in her eyes and I think it looks annoying. It's currently down to around shoulder blades but is a bit curly so looks shorter when dry. She likes wearing hairbands and clips so I'd leave it long enough for that, but just more manageable.

DP is opposed as he thinks she looks cuter with longer hair. AIBU to ignore his opinion since he's hardly ever the one to wash, brush her hair or put it up? I always said that no child of mine would be allowed long hair until old enough to deal with it themselves. However I changed my mind and would do it for DD if she expressed a clear desire for long hair but she hasn't.

Tie it up?

If your DP agrees to taking over washing and styling it, he gets to choose!

I only take my daughter in for trims. She has curly hair too and I always know it’s due for a trim when it starts to get more tangled. My mum used to get my haircut short until I left Primary school and I hated it! She never asked what I wanted and when I told her what I wanted she never listened.

If you’re the one dealing with it and dd has no preference get it cut. You’re dp has no say if he doesn’t do any of the maintenance.

AIBU to ignore his opinion since he's hardly ever the one to wash, brush her hair or put it up?

YANBU

If he protests again, tell him you won't be doing anything with DD's hair for a week - it's up to him to wash, brush, and style it then if he wants it longer. I suspect he'd change his mind pretty quickly.

However, I'm biased because I hate long hair on little girls - always looks so messy and irritating for them

So a man thinks a girl looks cute with swishy hair that is impractical but who cares. It’s not his problem how it’s kept nice as long as it looks nice.

And so it begins.

I’ll tell you who decides about children’s haircuts.....society.

If the child really has no opinion then I would say the person who looks after the hair gets to decide.

I also hate long hair on girls, not because it’s messy but because it has nothing to do with being a child and having fun and all about looking ‘pretty’.

Keep it the way you find convenient. As I have told DH if he wants a say in the kids haircuts he has to book the appointment, take them there and pay for it. To be fair he has now done that but DS looked like an old English Sheepdog before he did!

A 3 year old probably doesn't understand the permeance of that decision. Once it's gone, it's gone for a long time in her little eyes.

Agree. The person who looks after the hair.

I always said that no child of mine would be allowed long hair until old enough to deal with it themselves

That sounds really controlling.

Just tie it up ...

I do tie it up, it's a major operation every day! She doesn't like me doing it, although she likes it when I've finished.

It's her hair, therefore its her choice. I've a DD who couldn't care less about her hair, its always untidy. But its her hair, she lets me wash it once a week and if/when she wants to brush it/plait it/whatever, I help her do it. I wouldn't "decide" how she was to have her hair, just like she or anyone else wouln't decide how I am to have my hair. Her body, her choice.

Thedutchwife......

My little girl has a short bob. It's very cute and extremely easy to care for!

I agree with tripping

At least wait till she has more of a grasp of what you want to do to her.

I'd say it should be the person who has to look after it who decides.

But then I much prefer short hair on little girls. You could have it cut to chin length, she could still wear hairbands and clips.

“Looking cuter” isn’t really a good argument either way. Hideandgo nails it.

If your DD has no preference and you are the one left detangling it, have it cut shorter. She will still “look cute”, as if that is the most important consideration here , with a bit less knotty hair on her head!

Everyone is talking as if long hair is an asset on a child. The only reason little girls love their long hair is because they’ve been told it’s soooo pretty. I don’t see any boys lamenting the loss of their pretty hair,

I do tie it up, it's a major operation every day! She doesn't like me doing it, although she likes it when I've finished

Isn’t that just standard ?

At least wait till she has more of a grasp of what you want to do to her.. It’s a hair cut FFS - it will grow back in a few months.

Whoever deals with her hair on a daily basis should decide.

I always decided how and when kids had their hair cut, as I was the one responsible for what was acceptable at school/ practical.
I never thought to ask what they wanted and they never seemed to mind.
Apart from when dd asked for a daft fringe in front of her hair and I refused.

I wouldn't "decide" how she was to have her hair, just like she or anyone else wouln't decide how I am to have my hair. Her body, her choice.

I would love to see if this will still be the case when your DD is a rebellious pre-teen and wants to shave it all off!

I’m all about bodily autonomy and allowing children to be who they choose, but when my 11 yo DD decided she wanted to be Eleven from Stranger Things and shave off all her hair, I intervened. Sometimes parents do know best and if that means having your child’s hair cut - or not - to make it easier for them, that’s part of being a parent.