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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who gets to decide about child's haircut?

92 replies

Tigertotea · 26/07/2018 14:52

Assuming the child doesn't really have an opinion on the matter. We've asked her and she has no fixed ideas, says something completely different each time.

3 year old girl, I want to get her hair cut shorter because I find it quite messy and harder to deal with and I think short hair is cute. Plus it's always slipping out of clips and getting in her eyes and I think it looks annoying. It's currently down to around shoulder blades but is a bit curly so looks shorter when dry. She likes wearing hairbands and clips so I'd leave it long enough for that, but just more manageable.

DP is opposed as he thinks she looks cuter with longer hair. AIBU to ignore his opinion since he's hardly ever the one to wash, brush her hair or put it up? I always said that no child of mine would be allowed long hair until old enough to deal with it themselves. However I changed my mind and would do it for DD if she expressed a clear desire for long hair but she hasn't.

OP posts:

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 26/07/2018 15:36

Leave her with some paper scissors for 15mins and a mirror she may resolve the issue for you. Lonecat

Happyhippy45 · 26/07/2018 15:36

Long hair is relatively easy to maintain imo. Easier to style. You get away with having fewer haircuts. My mum didn't want any of us having long hair because she thought it would be hard to look after. Her dad was the same and she'd get a short back and sides. He used to cut her hair. He was a hairdresser in the army.
I always wanted long hair but my mum always severely discouraged me even when I was old enough to look after my own hair. I wasn't brave enough to go against her wishes.
She used to cut our hair too to save money......and she wasn't a hairdresser. I'm still traumatised by some of the knife and fork jobs she did.....and accidental bald spots when she used the wrong end of the trimmer.
I started growing it as soon as I left home and have had long hair ever since.

KennDodd · 26/07/2018 15:42

Cut it short, much easier.

seventhgonickname · 26/07/2018 15:45

Cut it shorter,less painful for her.Youll be glad you did when you are wielding A nit comb and conditioner

SoupDragon · 26/07/2018 15:48

AIBU to ignore his opinion since he's hardly ever the one to wash, brush her hair or put it up?

I wouldn’t ignore his opinion but I would point out that he hardly ever has to deal with it and that is why I wanted it cut.

OpheliaLeghorn · 26/07/2018 15:49

Does your DD have a slightly older sibling, OP? If so, I suggest you leave scissors where s/he can find them. Job done.

I did love my toddler DD's gorgeous long floppy hair (despite it being a pain to brush etc). She looked like a plucked chicken by the time slightly older toddler DS had finished with her.

Isawthelight · 26/07/2018 15:52

I wouldn't "decide" how she was to have her hair, just like she or anyone else wouln't decide how I am to have my hair. Her body, her choice

Bizarre. I like my DDs hair to look neat and tidy therefore I make the decision to tie her long hair up neatly or whatever other style I may decide if she doesn't have a preference that day...you know because she's a child and doesn't always make the best decisions.

HermioneGoesBackHome · 26/07/2018 15:52

Cut it short.
Much easier. At 3yo, she doesn’t have a say in my book anyway. And nor is your DP as he is never the one who is doing all the hair brushing, styling and all the aggro that comes with it.

Also agree with a PP
who decides what sort of haircut a little girl has? society society who says that girls should have long hair and it’s cuter and feminine.
Whether it’s practical or not doesn’t matter. Not for girls or women.

Blobby10 · 26/07/2018 15:53

My DD (now 18) regularly tells me how 'cruel' I was, making her have a bob for years!!

The reason? 1) she was a scruffy little thing and always looked like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards 2) her hair was really fine and by keeping it cut fairly short (chin length) it grew (and looked) thicker and didn't get all wispy and we didn't have daily fights about tying it up. When she was a bit older ie 6+ we let it grow longer and she tied it up - or rather her dad or I did . The number of times her dad did pigtails and she had one high and one low one was so funny - he thought he did an amazing job!!

MissLingoss · 26/07/2018 16:02

Long hair is relatively easy to maintain imo. Easier to style.

Short hair doesn't need styling. Wash it, comb it through, job done.

ElementalHalfLife · 26/07/2018 16:04

It may have looked thicker but it didn't grow thicker, Blobby, that's the same old wives tale my mother gave me when she kept my hair cropped in pixie cuts all through in primary school. Rebelled at 10 and started growing it, regular blunt trims keep it looking not straggly or wispy on the ends.hen all I wanted was to wear what the other little girls were wearing.
Kids like to fit in with their peers, I didn't want hair down to my bum just maybe a bit past the shoulders to look a bit more like the other girls in my class (not be taunted about looking like a boy or always get mistaken for a boy) and be able to put it up in pigtails or a ponytail occasionally. It's not a crime to want long hair or look pretty.

haribosmarties · 26/07/2018 16:05

My 3yo son has long curly blond hair. Never been cut. It sits at his shoulders because of the curls but is much longer when wet. I dont really understand this argument that shorter hair is easier? My sons hair just is how it is and has never been styled or cut and I only comb it once a day (as it would go massive because of the curls if I did it more often)
Easiest hair ever! and he always gets compliments on it so it cant look a mess.
Surely its more difficult if you start cutting hair into a style as you have to then keep it in that style which takes regular seeing to?

noeffingidea · 26/07/2018 16:08

Long hair is relatively easy to maintain imo . The OP finds otherwise though.

BounceAndJump · 26/07/2018 16:10

I wouldn't, keep it at least long enough to put up in a pony tail for school. Having hair flapping around too short to tie up would be a pain!
My daughters hair was very curly at that age and is just wavy now shes 5 and it's longer. Usually the shorter hair is the curlier it will be.

Original poster

Tigertotea · 26/07/2018 16:12

I don't think peer pressure comes into it very much at her age. About half the girls at her nursery have short hair.

OP posts:

Original poster

Tigertotea · 26/07/2018 16:18

And she's had it cut before so I know exactly what it's like in the style I want to have again and it is much easier.

I guess I thought we had let it get a bit out of hand and she was long overdue a cut, but when I mentioned it apparently DP thought we were growing it long. We're growing out the fringe so I suppose that was the source of the confusion, but then we disagreed about what we should do.

OP posts:

ElementalHalfLife · 26/07/2018 16:23

My post wasn't directed at you, OP, sorry, I think you're quite right to be the one to make the decision since your daughter hasn't yet expressed a preference and you're doing the hair care.

Oysterbabe · 26/07/2018 16:33

The chance of my 2.5 year old sitting for a haircut atm is zero, she'd scream and have to be restrained which is not likely to result in a neat cut, so it's getting pretty long. At least now I can plait it at night so it's no longer in dreadlocks when she wakes up. I think once it's long enough to tie up neatly then longer hair can be easier than shorter hair, which still gets tangled and ratty.

Glumglowworm · 26/07/2018 16:50

If the child is too young to have a fixed preference then whoever looks after her hair gets to choose (assuming no extreme styles, I’d say either parent could veto shaving her head for example).

You’ve considered what is easy to manage while still allowing for things she likes like hair bows. He just wants her to look cute she’s not a doll she’s a person

Get her hair cut and get DH a doll with long hair.

habibihabibi · 26/07/2018 20:03

As a child my mother never let me have a haircut and I endured vigorous and painful washing and brushing. It wasn't even nice and always looked a knotty mess.
When i was a teen at boarding school I shaved it all off to spite my mum.

Original poster

Tigertotea · 26/07/2018 20:05

I told him that I've made an appointment at the hairdressers and I think he is actually genuinely annoyed..

I thought it was really a mild difference of opinion and wasn't aware he felt so strongly. I suppose I do also feel reasonably strongly about prioritising practicality over aesthetics, especially for girl children as it's so often the other way round for them. But I do factor in aesthetics as I suppose the most practical haircut for everyone would be a buzzcut.

I know he'd prefer it if I had my hair long too, but thankfully he's not enough of an arse to think his opinion has any bearing on that.

OP posts:

PamsterWheel · 26/07/2018 20:07

Whoever has to care for it on a daily basis

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 26/07/2018 20:07

Like a man ever notices when a girl gets her hair cut....

Cut it 💇🏻‍♀️

Original poster

Tigertotea · 26/07/2018 20:20

And by the way, if he was responsible for her hair she'd look like a scarecrow on a daily basis and it would mat and all be in her face when playing, because he doesn't touch it unless I specifically ask him to sort it and she is minus cooperative with him doing it if I'm there anyway. I suppose I could specifically ask him every day and he can chase her wailing round the house..

OP posts:

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 26/07/2018 20:44

The child, it's their hair and most are capable of deciding if they want it long or short. Unless they want it shaved off or something that goes against school rules.

You can usually tell when a parent has picked the hairstyle not the child especially with boys.

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