Who gets to decide about child's haircut?

[Tigertotea]

Assuming the child doesn't really have an opinion on the matter. We've asked her and she has no fixed ideas, says something completely different each time.

3 year old girl, I want to get her hair cut shorter because I find it quite messy and harder to deal with and I think short hair is cute. Plus it's always slipping out of clips and getting in her eyes and I think it looks annoying. It's currently down to around shoulder blades but is a bit curly so looks shorter when dry. She likes wearing hairbands and clips so I'd leave it long enough for that, but just more manageable.

DP is opposed as he thinks she looks cuter with longer hair. AIBU to ignore his opinion since he's hardly ever the one to wash, brush her hair or put it up? I always said that no child of mine would be allowed long hair until old enough to deal with it themselves. However I changed my mind and would do it for DD if she expressed a clear desire for long hair but she hasn't.

She really doesn't have an opinion. She is always keen for a haircut as once a hairdresser gave her a lollipop afterwards and she knows I will let her watch videos on my phone whilst it's being done. But as to the length of her hair, she honestly doesn't have any strong feelings. Like most 3 year olds when she has opinions on her appearance she's not shy with them but when it comes to hair the only opinion is that she loves hairbands and clips, and I certainly wouldn't take that away from her.

She's declared previous haircuts to be smart and said that now her hair isn't in her eyes but I know she's just repeating what we've said to her.

So a man thinks a girl looks cute with swishy hair that is impractical but who cares. It’s not his problem how it’s kept nice as long as it looks nice.

And so it begins

This in spades. He does no work to achieve it but wants women to do work so he has something 'cute' to look at.

DH is better at doing DD's hair than I am now. And has no opinion on the cut. She has the second shortest girls hair in her class. By her choice now.

The person doing the hair decides, he's teaching her that being uncomfortable is fine as long as men (in this case her dad) think she looks "cute".

Is he really happy with that message?

I'd get a cute bob. My DD had a bob at this age and it was so much more practical than long hair.

Let the hairdresser decide.

Just have it trimmed a bit shorter but still keeping it a long style. The knottiness will be cut out and it will be easier to handle.
Both of you happy!

Get it cut
My DD had typical shoulder length little girl hair, wavy (tangly) and it looked so cute. But she wanted it shorter, so shorter it is and it looks great and is so so much easier to look after. Wish I'd agreed to it sooner!

My DDs both had bobs until they were about 8 or 9 and wanted to grow it. Then I let them. DD1 decided to have a pixie cut aged 11 and did it. Then she grew it...I don't feel emotional about hair because it's hair.

If you're the one who tends to it then it's your choice as long as DD has no opinion. If it's DH who washes, brushes, delouses, ponytails it...then it's his choice.

I don’t see any boys lamenting the loss of their pretty hair,

Admittedly I and many of my friends are a bit 'alternative' in how we parent but I know lots of little boys with long hair that they love very much. My DS used to always prefer longish hair but in the last year he's taken up a couple of sports that involved a helmet/headgear which makes his wavy/slightly curly hair really messy so as a result he's decided to keep it shorter. Though it's not extremely short, just kind of like this.

Your DD will be happy with what you want. Your DH therefore has two choices - do ALL the hair care himself, to an acceptable standard, or suck it up.

YANBU.

Short hair it is then!

Depending on how long it is, could you ask for it to be cut shoulder length? Still girly, able to be put in ponytails, but easier to tame. It was the length my parents kept mine my entire childhood

Having said that, you take care of it, you choose how long it is. I'd watch out for your husband telling your daughter how long hair is sooo much prettier...

It tends to be mother who decides as she's the one who gets lumbered with the upkeep. I think it's a good point that when a child can deal with it themselves they get to decide.

When I was a child I was desperate for long hair which I wanted to wear in a ponytail but was over-ruled until I was about twelve which I massively resented.

I really dislike long hair on small kids - it gets in the way, it gets caught and hurts. She’s a child, not a doll. If she doesn’t have a preference for it being long -cut it.

and I think short hair is cute

Why has no-one mentioned this? So a man gets berated for wanting a certain hairstyle for his daughter based on looks, but it's ok for a woman or mother having a preferred style because it looks cute...?

How short and how curly? I have thick curly hair and made the mistake of having it cut chin length when I was younger (my choice) it wasn't easier to manage it was worse

this is cute