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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets to decide about child's haircut?

92 replies

Tigertotea · 26/07/2018 14:52

Assuming the child doesn't really have an opinion on the matter. We've asked her and she has no fixed ideas, says something completely different each time.

3 year old girl, I want to get her hair cut shorter because I find it quite messy and harder to deal with and I think short hair is cute. Plus it's always slipping out of clips and getting in her eyes and I think it looks annoying. It's currently down to around shoulder blades but is a bit curly so looks shorter when dry. She likes wearing hairbands and clips so I'd leave it long enough for that, but just more manageable.

DP is opposed as he thinks she looks cuter with longer hair. AIBU to ignore his opinion since he's hardly ever the one to wash, brush her hair or put it up? I always said that no child of mine would be allowed long hair until old enough to deal with it themselves. However I changed my mind and would do it for DD if she expressed a clear desire for long hair but she hasn't.

OP posts:
Hideandgo · 26/07/2018 15:05

....because cutting off hair on a girl like ripping out their soul. 😒 If hair is such an important part of a child’s being, something is going very wrong.

Thedutchwife · 26/07/2018 15:05

Hide no that’s your perception of why people are saying wait.

My reason is that three year olds change their minds like the weather. And if she doesn’t like it it’s unchangable. Her idea of short might be different to to OP and like she said - she likes her hair when it’s done.

But also - unless you sit your child in a box with no cartoons, movies or don’t let her play with friends, then yes she might like her longer hair. Choosing a three year old to push agsinst society norms is not really good idea is it Hmm

Thedutchwife · 26/07/2018 15:06

my depends how short OP is going tbh

Original poster
Tigertotea · 26/07/2018 15:08

It wouldn't be standard if it was a bit shorter, that's my point. I somehow doubt this will ever be standard for DS. Nobody minds parents keeping a boy's hair short and easy/practical.

I'm not even looking to give her a 'boy's' haircut though, just a bit shorter.

OP posts:
Hideandgo · 26/07/2018 15:08

3 yr olds don’t get to decide on practical issues like where they sleep, wearing a coat or hair and nails being kept clean and practical for daily life.

It’s adults imposing this ‘oh but it’s so pretty’ importance on hair and beauty that I have an issue with. They are children! Hair and beauty shouldn’t even be on their radar at 3.

Just like with boys.

MrsJayy · 26/07/2018 15:09

She is 3 you decide if she needs a haircut or not why would you ask a 3 yr old if it is a pain get her a haircut

Thedutchwife · 26/07/2018 15:09

hide Hmm

You sound very imposing tbh ..

Sleepyslops · 26/07/2018 15:10

It's up to you... until she wants to make a decision.

Just make sure it's still long enough to tie up. I once had my long hair cut and I couldn't tie it back properly for ages. It was a right pain!

IggyAce · 26/07/2018 15:10

At a similar age we kepty DD hair in a jaw length Bob, people were shocked at first. I loved it and was so easy to care for. However from about age 7-8 she wanted it long so it's now past her shoulders age 11 she can care for it herself, I normally help style it (plaits or pony tail).

LittleOwl153 · 26/07/2018 15:10

I'd say have a think about her hair type and how quickly it grows. My dd aged 6 wanted hers cut very short. We compromised at the time on a chin length bob so she could still yse her headbands etc. Within a year it was down to her shoulder blades and much thicker, so she didn't really loose anything. Her friend however has only had 2 haircuts and still only just has Bob length hair - I'd probably be reluctant to cut hers as it could take a long time to grow back.

In terms of who has the say - yes I'd tell him to look after it for a week and see what he thinks then but I would - and have - gone ahead anyway with similar issues. The next debate here is going to be getting ears pieced which she wants, I know DH is going to be against and I don't have a problem with and had mine done at a similar age!....

Hideandgo · 26/07/2018 15:11

Sigh. Just be careful about the importance you give a girls hair and how that rubs off on the child. Even dithering and saying to a 3 yr old ‘oh but it’s so beautiful, are you sure’ is so loaded.

Notonthestairs · 26/07/2018 15:12

Our DD had a chin length bob until she was 7. She loved it, I loved it. Somewhere along the line she was told or picked up on the fact that long hair is required of girls/women - wasn't from me, I have a pixie hair cut - and now she can't wash or dry it herself, there is acres of it and we have the morning dust up over what to do with it. Sigh.

AveAtqueVale · 26/07/2018 15:15

In your situation I would say you get to decide (unless your DD herself is vehemently opposed to having it cut shorter). To your DP I would just say ‘it’s hair, it’ll grow’; it’ll soon grow out from the short cut again. DH and I disagree about DS’s (4) hair - he thinks small boys should have army-style buzz-cuts, whereas I’d probably never have cut DS’s hair at all until he asked. So now I decide when it gets cut and DH decides how short. DS has currently got longish hair but I’m about to say he can get a hair cut so the scalping has had time to grow out a bit before he starts school. Once DS expresses a preference though it’ll be up to him (within reason).

OutOfControlSpirals · 26/07/2018 15:15

Myrealationshipisweird, that has already happened! My second DD is very particular about her hair and clothes, always has been, total opposite of her sister. When she was 4 and she saw her older brother getting a buzzcut she was adamant she wanted the same hairstyle. I tried to talk her out of it but she just said "my body, my choice ". Could hardly say no to that. So off it came and she was thrilled with it. She's 8 now, with shoulder length hair but she still remembers and laughs about the time she wanted to be just like her big brother. Who, incidentally, now has longer hair than her!

BlueBug45 · 26/07/2018 15:19

The person who decides is the person who has to care for the child's hair. When the child can do most of their hair care themselves then they can decide.

SlowlyShrinking · 26/07/2018 15:20

I find it hard to understand the argument that a 3 year old might regret having her hair cut. Too much emphasis is being put on her appearance. She’s going to spend her whole life with her appearance being commented on and judged. This is probably the last 2-3 yrs of her life where she won’t be aware of this. If short hair is easier and gives her less pain and more time to play, then have her hair cut and let her get on with her innocent little life before she starts school.

Lonecatwithkitten · 26/07/2018 15:23

Leave her with some paper scissors for 15mins and a mirror she may resolve the issue for you.

InfiniteVariety · 26/07/2018 15:26

In the situation you describe I think your decision overrides your DP's because it is about the practicalities. When my DD was 3 I used to get her hair cut into a bob and it looked gorgeous plus it was very easy to manage.

daisypond · 26/07/2018 15:28

Have it cut. In my experience with all three of my DDs, they had short bobs (about chin length) until about five-six. Then they all grew it to about shoulder length. At around age eight, they went for a chin-length bob again. Then they started growing it again at about age 9-10. All went for very long hair throughout their mid-teenage years, and now in their late teens are having it cut a little shorter again. It seemed to be a standard pattern. But at age three, you decide - and base it on practicality. I personally don't like long hair on very young children.

MikeUniformMike · 26/07/2018 15:29

Cut it. She'll look just as cute with short hair and it will be less hassle.

elephantfan · 26/07/2018 15:30

Short until they can manage it themselves.

elephantfan · 26/07/2018 15:32

Much easier to deal with the inevitable headlice too.

Trinity66 · 26/07/2018 15:33

Yeah if he's not the one who has to look after her hair then he doesn't get a say I'm afraid

happymummy12345 · 26/07/2018 15:35

Surely the best way is to keep it manageable? If that means a trim now and then then so be it.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 26/07/2018 15:35

Myrealationshipisweird, that has already happened!.

she saw her older brother getting a buzzcut she was adamant she wanted the same hairstyle. I tried to talk her out of it but she just said "my body, my choice ". Could hardly say no to that. So off it came and she was thrilled with it.

Brilliant! I love to see girls who don’t worry about conforming to expectations. Life would be so dull if they all grew up to be Love Island wannabes.

My DD settled on a compromise of a short pixie cut, à la Emma Watson, as I knew that if she went full Eleven the minute anyone said anything mean she’d wish she hadn’t shaved it off!

As it was, most people told her how beautiful she looked. A few asked “why do you have a boys haircut” or called her “he” in passing, which bothered her more than I thought it would, but she loved being different. She is now growing it again Grin