to ask how much you enjoy motherhood and what are ages/genders of your children?

[beclev24]

Recently I've been feeling that motherhood can be a bit of a slog. I have 3 DC, all boys. I adore them all but the days tend to feel fraught with breaking up fights/ dealing with mood swings/ managing their behaviour etc on top of all the day to day stuff like cleaning/ washing / cooking etc. I rarely feel relaxed around them and always feel "on duty."

I'm interested to know if there is any correlation between how many kids people have and their ages and genders and how much people enjoy being parents on a day to day basis. I'm not talking about how much people love their kids- I think most of us do. I'm talking about the day to day experience of it and how much it feels like a joy, and how much a slog or a challenge. Would love to hear other peoples' experiences.

I’m 55 & have ds aged 10. I work full time, am now a single parent and I love being a mum probably 98% of the time.

But having been told I couldn’t have kids and then ds coming along at the last possible moment probably contributes to that.

One DS, he's 2.5. Early 30s. I love him. A lot. He's been alert and a handful since birth but besides the sleep deprivation, he's a joy to parent. He's obstinate and a fussy eater, but he loves to travel and isn't a child who goes nuts when overtired (on the contrary he finds it difficult to wind down for sleep). He loves to read and play and wake me up at 6 on my days off, I just enjoy him.

I don't think he was ever an easy child, but I think a combination of things we have in place helps. My DH is incredibly supportive, I work full time, his mum helps with child care and he usually can occupy himself when I need a break from him lol.

I've always been around children, easy and difficult ones. I babysat a lot growing up because my family is huge. I knew what to expect, although the sleep deprivation is something nothing else but insomnia can prepare you for. I plan on having another (which will be my last) in the next two years.

I've read all these honest accounts of motherhood, and it's great to read the full spectrum. I've sympathised with the ones who are struggling and gotten excited for the ones having a blast

Boy aged 4
Girl aged 2
Girl aged 4 months

I love it nearly all the time!

I’m mid-40s and have teens age 14 & 16. This is the best time beyond a doubt even though we have teen dramas and strops I can understand it more as remember being a teen (just!).
I wasn’t keen on the baby stage - def preferred it once they could talk.

Two DDs - 22 months and 7 months. I find it immensely difficult most of the time so I feel somewhat relieved to read that others do too! I think (hope) I'll enjoy it more when they're at school age, I'm really not a baby/toddler person it seems. I'm a bit of an introvert so I think this is part of the reason I get so stressed, I just want to be left on my own sometimes. That said my mum is a great help and I fully agree with the pp who said fMily support makes a huge difference, on the days my mum helps out I finally get to enjoy my girls somewhat and to step back from the slog and see the good parts. I'm a SAHM but I'm thinking I should definitely find some part time work as I did some freelance work for two days last week and I felt like myself for the first time in two years - it was wonderful! I felt energised and I lost bed coming home to the children and could have fun with them because I hadn't been dealing with the crap all day.

I *loved coming home

I hate it. DS 2.5 and unhappily pregnant with DC2.

I'm 33, one 18 month old daughter. I LOVE being a mum. Best thing I ever did, I just find her so much fun, so interesting. Occasionally infuriating that she won't let me get anything done, but frankly she's bloody charming and can get away with being a pain.

I would love to have another one, but at the moment I'm worried I won't because DP really doesn't seem to enjoy parenthood at all

She was a VERY challenging baby, even I didn't love the first six months as she was so cross all the time, and I think he's still a bit traumatised by that - and he just dislikes how everything is focused around her now, when she eats, when she sleeps, what she's doing, who's picking her up or dropping her off at nursery, not being able to just go out of an evening. All stuff I just kind of assumed was part and parcel of parenting but which he obviously didn't. He seems to enjoy it when she learns a new skill or does something clever or funny but the day to day loveliness of her just doesn't seem to do it for him at all!

Hopefully he'll enjoy her more as she gets older and more independent. But I think he frankly resents not having things his own way any more, and it wouldn't be fair on another child to bring them into that now I realise this. Makes me very sad though as really, I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but motherhood is (to my total surprise) what I was made for and I absolutely love it.

Ifeelshit can I ask why, if you hate it, you're having another???

Ennirem I would guess it wasn't planned since she said she was "unhappily" pregnant

Quite a few of the people on here currently happy being a parent might have answered the same as Ennerim if you’d caught them on the right (wrong) day.

Hide why?

I agree hide. On a good day I feel like I have this mothering gig down and I'm really positive about it. On a bad day when there's crying and whinging from dawn until dusk it's a very different matter - I couldn't repeat to anyone what DP hears from my mouth when he gets home on those days or they'd call social services on me!

I have a DD who is 2 and a half. She is wonderful and I don’t regret having her at all but goodness, it’s damn hard work. Maybe I would enjoy it more if my DH (works long hours) or family helped more? I resent this immensely.

One dd who is 4 and I find the constant responsibility and worry draining but I love her company and think she is fabulous. I do think that people aren't always honest about what a drudge the toddler years can be - constantly cleaning up messes. We are kind of through that phase now. I found babyhood easy and the toddler years very challenging. Me time is absolutely a thing of the past with a child and full time job.

thanks everyone- such interesting replies- and yes a real spectrum of enjoyment and non enjoyment which doesn't seem to correlate too much to gender or age of kids.

The family support thing is huge. we live far from family and even when they visit they often seem to create more problems than they help. My mum is very well meaning but she's got serious mobility problems related to her weight, and so can't do any of hte physical aspects of childcare, and has no real interest in the sit down and play a game with them type aspects. She is very generous with gifts for them etc, but gets bored very very quickly playing with them, and generally wants me to sit and chat to her for ages and ages and can't understand why the DC won't just quietly amuse themselves while we do this. So they of course play up, and then I feel very very judged by her, which makes it all much worse.

HAving said all of this- yesteday we had an uncharacteristically great afternoon. I picked them up from camp/ preschool, they played really nicely at the park, then at home, then we had a lovely dinner with them where nobody complained about the meal i cooked and nobody argued and we all had a really funny conversation joking about random stuff and having a laugh together then a really lovely easy bedtime. This NEVER happens (parts of this happen all the time but the whole thing from start to finish being a pleasure is unbelievably rare.) . Went to bed thinking motherhood was glorious!

I have a 7yo ds and 20mo dd. I love being a mum and have loved every single stage for different reasons.

Except today. Today, dd is a melting mess and ds is vying for attention, knowing full well that his sister is being a little madam. Today I can't wait for them both to go to bed.

I'm nearly 40.
My kids are DS (15) DDs (14 and 11) and I feel like I'm failing everyday.

Ennirem I have another thread going about my feelings on this current pregnancy and whether to continue with it. I'd prefer not to go in to it in detail on this thread.

I'm 32, have DDs 8 & 5.

Absolutely love parenting at the moment, it's so enjoyable and enriching compared to when they were babies/toddlers/preschoolers.

I'm 37, two children - girl aged 7 and boy aged 1.5. When I had just one, it was easy and enjoyable. Life went mad after my son arrived, as he's more demanding. I anticipate things settling down in a year or two - I really hope so! I work 28 hours a week and find that quite restful.

I've got 2 girls aged 3 and 5 and love being a Mom, they have their fights but on the whole get on well.

I love being able to play games with them that i remember from my childhood and go places I never went before I had them.

I have 3 - 2 DSs and a DD aged 8-12. I have enjoyed motherhood at every stage, but have also had days in every stage where it all seems like a hamster wheel of hard work.

The baby stage is both tiring and boring, but there is a huge amount of cuteness. Much less cuteness now, more banter and interesting chats, not quite as much work as they’re becoming independent, but much more complex.

I don't enjoy it as much as I always thought I would - I thought I would love every second though so that was clearly wrong!

I have a boy aged 9 and am expecting DS2 in a few weeks' time. I would say that maybe 20% is active enjoyment, 50% just normal (maybe I'm just used to it? I don't know!) and about 10% hard, irritating, a drag, boring, whatever.

When he was between 3 and 5 it was really really tough and I struggled a lot of the time. It got slowly better when he was six and then the year he turned 7 was like a corner turning. I do enjoy his company most of the time now. If I think of the time I actively spend with him then it's probably 60-80% enjoyable, some drudge, some frustration (especially as we're getting into preteen stubbornness and pointless arguing now). Of course as they get older you spend less time directly in their company so it's hard to quantify as much as when they're little and you are basically spending all of your life directly interacting with a child.

38, DS (9) DD (6).

Average day - grit your teeth tedium mixed with flashes of genuine joy and contentment...

Hard day - I want to disappear!! Low confidence, exhausted, unimaginative.

Great day (rare!) - Feel like an amazing mum, wife, job person and successful person generally.

So - it depends on the day .

Things that help - humour, distraction, tickles, chatting about their favourite things, reading together, enough money, enough space, being outdoors.

Things that hinder - work getting in the way; generally trying to be perfect, trying to keep tidy, trying to keep a big space tidy, oh and MN addiction...

My kids aged under 5 =
NOT FUN!

It's much easier now.

Does that help answer your questions OP?