Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how much you enjoy motherhood and what are ages/genders of your children?

164 replies

beclev24 · 25/07/2018 17:39

Recently I've been feeling that motherhood can be a bit of a slog. I have 3 DC, all boys. I adore them all but the days tend to feel fraught with breaking up fights/ dealing with mood swings/ managing their behaviour etc on top of all the day to day stuff like cleaning/ washing / cooking etc. I rarely feel relaxed around them and always feel "on duty."

I'm interested to know if there is any correlation between how many kids people have and their ages and genders and how much people enjoy being parents on a day to day basis. I'm not talking about how much people love their kids- I think most of us do. I'm talking about the day to day experience of it and how much it feels like a joy, and how much a slog or a challenge. Would love to hear other peoples' experiences.

OP posts:
scolotti · 25/07/2018 19:25

One boy, 9.
I love motherhood. I would put it down the the fact that I have a very well behaved child and there is only one of him.

BakedBeans47 · 25/07/2018 19:25

I certainly don’t find parenthood “fulfilling” or “the best thing I’ve ever done”, or other similar plaudits that are often doled out

unadventuretime · 25/07/2018 19:28

juneau I relate so much to what you've written! My boys are 3 and 6 so we're 4 years "behind" where you're at but what you've said is so good to read. Good chat, good sleep and people you can reason with is far more my thing than wrangling toddlers. Already I find my 6yo so much more enjoyable to parent than I used to (despite him being pretty hard work compared to most his age).

peoplearemean · 25/07/2018 19:29

It's hard really hard and I wish people were not honest - doesn't mean I don't love them just it's hard. I have one friend who won't say a bad word against her kids always claims they are perfect and I just don't believe her!

I'm 38, 2 girls age 5 and 3, I work almost full time in a demanding job. I get the guilts about them going to nursery/holiday club etc but they love it, however by the time I get home I'm stressed and they are tired and it isn't good. I get quite emotional this week seeing everyone arrange play dates and off to the park etc when we can't. I love spending nice time with them, they are a bit fractious with each other at the moment but that's as I now have two girls who can speak and I can't see that changing! I love the fact they are outgoing and confident and to be honest whilst I'm not a shrinking wallflower I think our nursery really encouraged that so I am happy with that as I couldn't cope with a shy child. I adore them and they amaze me every day don't get me wrong but it is hard.

WTFdidwedo · 25/07/2018 19:29

I have two girls, 3 months and 20 months. I hate it about 95% of the time and honestly struggle to understand what other people enjoy about it so much, especially those with two under 2. I haven't left the house alone in 3 months. Both of my children were clingy, whiny, reflux babies who have/had to be held all day. And not in a sling because they both hate slings, carriers, car seats, pram etc.

NameChangingParanoid · 25/07/2018 19:29

I am a single parent with two kids by two different fathers. I am 39 & work full time.

My 11 year old son is amazing but has quite complex medical needs so it’s a strain.

My 6 year old daughter drives me shitless, I love her so much but parenting her is so fucking hard.

If I had my time again, knowing what I know now - would prob not have kids.

peoplearemean · 25/07/2018 19:30

Wish people were honest - not "not honest" (!)

shinyredbus · 25/07/2018 19:31

I am 34 - have a 4 DD and a 21month son. I enjoy it to some extent but I also like goi g to work and being away from the insanity.

megletthesecond · 25/07/2018 19:32

LP, 2 primary age dc's. 90% slog.
They're amazing but most of my time is spent keeping everything ticking over or breaking up fights

Original poster
beclev24 · 25/07/2018 19:34

really interesting replies- thanks so much. From what people have written there doesn't seem to be a huge link to gender- seemt o be happy mums of both girls and boys and the opposite. Age seems to maek a difference? Older is generally easier?

With our lot it just seems to be everything,. Mine are 7, 4 and 7 months. DS1 is very emotional and sensitive and we often feel as though we are walking on eggshells. DS2 is more straightforward emotionally but very physical and often wild- the combination of those two can be totally explosive- htey can't seem to get along at all at the moment and it quickly descends to physical fighting. Then our baby is adorable but is obivously a baby so a lot of work and lack of sleep. I adore them all but God is it hard work

OP posts:
IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 25/07/2018 19:37

I didn't particularly enjoy the early parts of motherhood I must confess. I was very ill with PND and went through most of the first 12 years in a bit of a fog Sad

I didn't really enjoy my children until they turned 16/17. They're grown up now with only the 21 yo at home and I adore being a mum now! I have a fantastic relationship with both of them - really close and we can talk about anything but also really good friends.

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 25/07/2018 19:39

I was 22 and 27 when I had my kids.

Liffydee · 25/07/2018 19:40

I have an 14 month month old. I am a sahm but looking at getting back to work ASAP for my own sanity. She is incredibly difficult, and doesn’t sleep. She also screams a lot. I certainly don’t want anymore. There are good days but mostly I find it so hard and incredibly draining. I try my best but she’s just so miserable. She has always been this way I think it’s just her personality. I feel bad feeling this way tbh.

Teeniemiff · 25/07/2018 19:41

I’m 33 & have a nearly 5 year old & 15 month old, both girls. I love being a mom but usually at some point most days feel pretty stressed. They are both incredibly stubborn & strong willed. 15 month old loves to climb so constantly need to keep an eye on her. 4 year old is a fashionista & complains most days about what she’s wearing & it not matching.
There are certain factors not to do with the kids that make life harder... some days I work til 6.30/7pm so when I get home I don’t have a lot of time to do all of what is needed. We have a very small house & it’s constantly cluttered. These 2 things impact my stress & sometimes I snap at the kids (tidy up the toys, tidy your room etc).

AgainPlease · 25/07/2018 19:42

Interesting thread.

I have one DD 7 months. I'm perma-exhausted and waiting for it to get easier.

hairylegsonshow · 25/07/2018 19:43

I think it is far less to do with sex, and much more to do with personality, ages, additional needs of the children, or wider pressures (such as finances or health issues) on the family. It is definitely more intense when little ones are in the mix!

Echobelly · 25/07/2018 19:43

I'm 40 with a 10yo DD and DS who turns 7 in a few weeks. I don't enjoy the repetitive slog of parenting and being the 'default parent', I do find the great moments make it all more than worthwhile.

I'm not hugely patient with little kids/toddlers and love that DD is old enough to have a good conversation and share a joke with (DS is still a bit like a minion but I love him too!)

Lifeisabeach09 · 25/07/2018 19:46

1 girl of 9.
I don't enjoy parenthood but I do like it at times. Sometimes, I hate it.

EscapistTendencies · 25/07/2018 19:54

One boy, 9.
I love motherhood. I would put it down the the fact that I have a very well behaved child and there is only one of him.

Same. Most people I know have 2+ and seem to spend a lot of time sorting out squabbles, I don't think I'm cut out for more than one. I think number of children rather than gender is what makes parenting easy or difficult, and personality of DC as well obviously.

Amanduh · 25/07/2018 19:57

I love it. I’ve got one ds of 20 months. He is a joy. It probably helps that he’s well behaved and has always slept though, I know I’ve been lucky so far. He enhances our lives a lot.

GivenAndDenied · 25/07/2018 19:58

I'm married, in my 40s, with one pre-teen DD whom I love very much. And I really don't enjoy parenthood at all. Nothing wrong with my DD - as kids go, she's always been quite easy I think - nothing more than normal kid behaviour. It's not her, it's me. I'm an introvert, like lots of quiet alone time, and have had quite a few health issues, which has made it all an awful struggle.

Parenting is not the all-fulfilling dream that we're all sold, for everyone. It's a boring, annoying, hard slog for some of us.

Having said all this, my DD is awesome - funny, kind, clever. We went for lunch today, and had a lovely time chatting about things. I do enjoy time with her - it's just that dull daily slog. I have enough problems sorting myself out each day, without dragging another reluctant objecting being through life.

Gigis · 25/07/2018 20:05

25 years old, one 4 month old.
Most days are hard, but recently I have noticed they are getting less hard iyswim. I start every morning cheerful and sunny determined to stimulate her little mind. By 10am we've played with all the toys in my house, gone on a walk and sang all the nursery rhymes I know. The rest of the say is spent trying to get her to nap and going on more endless walks. I practically fling her at dh when he comes home.
Going back to work in just over a month and I'm looking forward to it!

Allyg1185 · 25/07/2018 20:05

I am 32 and I have a 7yo boy. I enjoy motherhood most of the times. Some days are great and hes well behaved and other days not so much but wouldn't change it for the world

Hideandgo · 25/07/2018 20:08

I’m 36 with a 5, 3, 2 and 6 month old. We have a very blessed life but I do find the parenting relentless and I struggle to cope with the constant demands/noise/high tension. I spend a lot of time trying to work out how we can function better and reduce the stress in the household. It’s the fighting that causes all issues for me. I can handle the lack of sleep and the long hours of my husband, my job and keeping the house running, meals and bedtimes. If only they wouldn’t fight and whinge and hurt each other. I guess in reality those fighting times are only for short periods maybe a couple of times each day but it really affects my stress levels. I can see my eldest coming out of the unreasonable stage and it’s bliss with him. The others are just gorgeous in their own ways but kids aged 1-5 are maybe not my thing. I have however enjoyed my babies more and more with each one as the anxiety has reduced.

WTFdidwedo · 25/07/2018 20:09

Gigis
I think this is a great description of parenting babies and why it's so shit. At 6am every morning I am so determined to be a better parent than the day before but inevitably by 10am my patience and ideas for activities have already gone and, before you know it, my toddler is watching baby shark on YouTube for four hours until she falls asleep while my baby feeds constantly.