to ask how much you enjoy motherhood and what are ages/genders of your children?

[beclev24]

Recently I've been feeling that motherhood can be a bit of a slog. I have 3 DC, all boys. I adore them all but the days tend to feel fraught with breaking up fights/ dealing with mood swings/ managing their behaviour etc on top of all the day to day stuff like cleaning/ washing / cooking etc. I rarely feel relaxed around them and always feel "on duty."

I'm interested to know if there is any correlation between how many kids people have and their ages and genders and how much people enjoy being parents on a day to day basis. I'm not talking about how much people love their kids- I think most of us do. I'm talking about the day to day experience of it and how much it feels like a joy, and how much a slog or a challenge. Would love to hear other peoples' experiences.

40, with two sons, 7 and 4 yo.
Very similar to yours OP, sensitive and testy DS1 (also autistic), and wild DS2.
Honestly, I've only come to enjoy motherhood since I had DS2. DS1 has been consistently hard work, and his first year was just awful. I feel I almost have PTSD. When he has a meltdown or tantrum it has a physical effect on me.
DS2 is utterly joyful, as well as a giant pain in the arse (he's a bit kamikaze!). He's made me see why people enjoy having children!
DS1 has his lovely moments too, of course.
They're both away this week, and I shocked a friend today when I answered her "Are you missing them?" honestly; yes, I'm missing DS2, but no, I'm not missing DS1 yet, it's nice to have a few days off from being yelled at and hurt.
I don't enjoy the relentlessness, but overall yes, I do now enjoy being a mother.

I have one DD who is almost 6 months. I loathed the first 3 (PND) and have adored the last 3. It's taught me that I'm not going to love parenting all the time but the bits where I do will be so worth the wait. I'm hoping I can hang on to that in the next difficult patch.

such interesting replies thanks so much.

To the PP who asked why I asked this question. Not sure- I'm not researching it or anything . I think I sometimes feel really guilty that I don't enjoy motherhood a lot of the time .I adore my children but just feel I'm often totally on edge that something is going to kick off and that there always seems to be some issue or another. We are incredibly lucky that we are financially ok, that my DH is wonderful, that none of our kids have any particular additonal needs etc so I feel as though I should be way more on top of it than I am. Then I look on social media and see my friends (often with girls) looking as though they are having hte most wonderful, relaxing time with them all getting along so well/ playing nicely togehter/ doing wonderful creative crafts etc and wonder whether it's a)a gender thing b) a personality thing c) an age thing or d) me being a kind of crap mother. I also wonder how much of it is just being dealt a hand of easy or difficult kids and how much of it is to do with what I do or don't do wrong. It's so fascinating hearing everyone's experiences.

ANd my heart goes out to the PPs who have lost children. that really puts things in perspective.

I feel on edge a lot of the time too. My child is pretty highly strung which really doesn't help matters.

Ah yes, good old FB - I see those posts all the time too. I have one friend who has 4 under 5 and makes it look easy. I just remind myself that everyone struggles, everyone finds it stressful and FB is not an accurate representation of life.

I'm 34, I have a DS(13) and a DD (9)

I love motherhood but like everyone else we have good and bad days! They can fight like cat and dog and wind each other up but then one of them will come hug me and tell me they love me, or the teen will offer me a cup of tea or ask if he can cook dinner.

I think parenthood is a proper mixed bag of emotions!

I can total relate to this, I have definitely had times when it has been hard work. Don't believe what you see on social media either, people only post the good stuff.

I am 46, two boys 17 and 19. I love being a Mum right now, it's a lot of fun and so rewarding seeing them make their way in life. Maybe I appreciate them because I know I won't have them at home for much longer, who knows!

I'm 39, one year old daughter, happily married. Adore being a mum.

I'm 44 with an almost 8 year old DS. We tried to conceive for years before he came along so I'm very thankful but boy it's not easy! I think I'm lucky as I work PT, DH earns well so we don't have any money worries, have supportive parents who help loads with childcare and my son was a brilliant, easy baby and now a great older boy. One is my limit though. Motherhood has been an amazing ride so far but nothing could have prepared me for how difficult it was/is. It dominates my every thought and is the source of all my anxieties. I haven't felt relaxed in the eight years I've been a mum. I salute those who choose to have more than one.

Oh and to answer your OP I very much enjoy motherhood with one as I feel I can immerse myself in every milestone and activity as I know his firsts are also my lasts. However I don't think I would enjoy it as much with more than one as the 'grunt work' of motherhood would get me down. But that's just me!'

I'm 38 with 2 DDs, aged 9 and 11. Happily married to a kind and helpful husband, who does more than his fair share and we both work, but are perpetually skint.

I've always been told I'm a 'natural with children', and on the surface, you'd have thought those first 4 years of parenthood, we were living the dream, but underneath it all I was a crippling mass of anxiety, pnd and wine. And vodka. And more wine. I was utterly miserable - I had everything I'd ever thought I wanted (great husband, 2 healthy, happy daughters, our own home and a career I loved) and felt incredibly empty - just; "Is this it? Is this all there is?"

I got help and finally started to enjoy being a Mum. Just little glimpses of fun, here and there to begin with and then they got longer and more frequent as our DDs grew up and became a bit more independent and I had the space to breathe and to just 'be a Mum', rather than feeling like I was 'playing the role of being a Mum'.

They get on well 95% of the time, the other 5% is usually the younger one wanting to play with her big sister and being turned down, or a mixture of bossy vs. whingey. I'm glad we have girls, as I don't think DH or I would have the energy to keep up with the demands of 2 physical little boys (stereotyping, I know, but also true for most of my friends who have boys) - I'm definitely more talk, less action!

I have different relationships with both girls; elder DD - 11 is interested in everything and wants to talk to me for hours about whatever springs to mind - I love these chats and that's the reason I'm up so late tonight (well it IS the first day of her school holidays!) She loves to have this private, concentrated time, just the two of us.

Younger DD - 9 is my little shadow; she's bright and confident, but never happier than when she's with me, which makes me happy too - it certainly helps me to feel that I can't be too terrible a parent (these days!) She likes us to spend time doing something together, rather than just chatting and will always come with me on errands or just to pop to the post box or something, just to have those few minutes to herself with me.

These days being a Mum is wonderful - in the truest sense of the word. Watching and helping them to develop and become people I would choose to spend my time with, even if they weren't my daughters (although it might be a bit weird!) is fascinating.

So, the first 5 years or so were shite. Literally drove me to drink. The last year or so has been the most fun and rewarding so far, although the teenage years aren't far away so perhaps I'd better not count my chickens!

Thanks @beclev24, it's been good to stop and smell the roses.

I have twin DDs age 9. I love them and think they are amazing but can't stand the mother role. It has been getting better as they get older, though.

I have 2 boys 8 and 4 and a girl 1. I do enjoy it most of the time but they get along well, are reasonably well behaved for their ages and I have a lot of family support. I try to split them into 1s and 2s as much as possible!

We have one DD aged 7 and parenthood is great 90% of the time. We have an only for a reason!

I am 26 married with 1 dd (9) I love every second, always have, but I wouldn't have any more.

I love spending time with dd. I loved showing her how to ride her bike, How to rollerblade and how to use her hoverboard.

I didn't really have a favourite age. We look back at photos and videos and I think 'that was the best age' then we get a bit further and I think 'no that was the best'

Me and DH both work full time so Dd is shipped between childcare, neighbours and both our sets of parents (who also all work full time, but will change hours to accommodate dd) dd doesnt bat an eyelid, and that's amazing. She just checks the family planner and goes off happily wherever she is going.

She has my attitude and my temper though, So we will see what the pre teen and teenage years bring us though.

I think I'm a fairly typical parent. Some days I love it and other days I want to walk out of the house and scream into the wind.

I have two DD aged 4.5 and 3 and am expecting a DS in October.

Oh I'm 32

My DCs are 12 and 14. They really are great most of the time, I enjoy them more the older they get. But I really feel now my time with them is running out and maybe I should have appreciated them more when they were younger.

I'm 30, one DS age 11. Honestly, I struggle to think of a time I really loved it

It's a slog. I love him fiercely, but enjoyment? No, not really at all. There are moments of pride, moments of shared laughter, moments of closeness which I really treasure but overall I spend a lot of time amazed that the human race hasn't died out yet.

I love my kids more every year. I really lucky though, so far they get on fabulous and don’t stvje much (boys, 9&6) but I was a totally inept new mother and struggled til he was 2

Your issue is probably in the three kids! Don’t underestimate how hard it is to manage the dynamics, esp wrt fairness and ganging up, my parents had three and struggled

Really interesting thread OP. My heart goes out to those who have lost dc
Your post really resonates with me OP, your situation sounds v similar to mine. Before I had dc I was the fun, v hands-on auntie, people often commented on what a great mum I'd make.
I have 3 ds and while I love them more than anything and I'd do anything for them etc, I find it extremely challenging. I actually feel really disappointed in myself
I found the baby stage an absolute doddle in comparison to 2-5 years and my babies were pretty bad sleepers!
I think that there are a few factors in how difficult it can be for some. Personality is a huge factor, two of my ds are actually quite laid back and well behaved but one is extremely challenging, I'd probably be quite smug if it wasn't for this ds. I love him to absolute bits but his tantrums and behaviour in general has caused such tension and stress in our house. I just hope and pray as he gets older it improves, I very tentatively say there is slight improvement. There is so much fighting in the house but once we are out it's great which I guess is positive but I would sometimes love to be one of these parents who has lovely days at home,we.cant.do.this. It just decends to chaos once 10am hits and I can't stand it. I read threads on MN all the time about what people are up to for the weekend and there is a lot of chilling at home at the weekend etc, I don't relate to this at all.
I am lucky in that I am healthy, fit and have a interesting part-time job and a wonderful, energetic dh.
One huge factor (I wonder with pp who enjoy parenting more have this) is family support. I come from a large family, they send lovely WhatsApp messages etc but none have ever, ever helped practically. It's not even babysitting as of course they shouldn't feel obligated, I am talking popping in for a couple of hours and interacting with the boys for a while. Instead it is v brief , cup of coffee call-in once every few months where they'd prefer if the dcs sat quietly. My dm has never gone for a walk with me and my dcs despite sending really lovely messages. I see lots of my friends with dcs and their mums/dad/pils are over just keeping them company for an hour or so. I have never had this and I think it makes a huge difference.
I don't say anything about this in real life and I try and be as positive as possible. There are wonderful moments with my dcs nd I am very lucky in that their births were magic for me and I am someone who can run around a lot but I am also a human who is alone a lot dealing with screaming, physical fighting, sleep deprivation and of course that is very, very hard.
I just hope it gets easier, at least with my eldest I can see that it is much easier.
To conclude I feel personally there is a slight difference between boys and girls with energy levels/concentration spans from what I have observed around me but it's just a sample and I could be totally wrong. Personality and more importantly if a dc has any SN is more of a factor than gender.

whereiscaroline I feel this way too, that's really well articulated. I love DD, go all out to support and champion her and she's a great kid. But I feel like I'm in a prison of my own making every day.

I agree with those who mention they have no family help. We never have either. It makes a massive difference in my opinion.

I'm 27. I have one dd who is 4. I thoroughly enjoy motherhood about 90% of the time. The other 10% it's shit. I think that is quite normal and I think I get a much easier ride than those with more children.

I'm 39 and have DD (3) and DS (8 months). Right now I feel like I'm in the trenches of early parenthood, plus both DC are poor sleepers so me and DH are constantly exhausted. I often wonder how easier it would be if my children slept!

That said, they are a joy and when it's good it's amazing. Most of the time I genuinely enjoy their company, pre kids I didn't think I would. I just need sleep!!

I'm 33 have 1 ds aged 9 then 4 dsc aged 21, 18, 7 and 5 I enjoy mother hood though stressful at times I wouldn't change it for the world.