Heartbroken that I'm being forced to sell mum's house, she worked hard for it and paid her national insurance

[Jkoakham]

And now her savings are running out I will need to sell her house to carry on funding it.

It all seems to very unfair, her house was supposed to be passed to me but instead it's affectively passed to government and private companies.

I thought the dimentia tax had been can cancelled?

O dear op you made a MN cardinal sin and mentioned inheritance now everyone has labelled you an entitled money grabber. Sorry you are going through this.

People renting their whole life may have worked just as hard as a homeowner but don't have the luxury of a property at the end of it!

Last year my mum and dad both died. 8 weeks after she died, my Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. His care needs meant he needed specialist nursing care - Dad had worked hard all his life and paid his mortgage off, he had a couple of thousand in savings. That money he worked hard for enabled him to have the best care possible in the time leading up to his death. I was the only child and everything was left to me in my parents will. What mattered to me was that Dad had everything he needed and the best of everything with the money he worked so hard for. He moved into the best nursing home near to my house - I bought him what he wanted and needed to make him comfortable. I didn't care about my inheritance, I cared about my Dad.

Hotpinkangel 💐

It's sad OP but you are not the only person who has been affected by this - there are thousands of homes sold in the UK to fund care such as this. We did the same for my grandmother, by the time she died there was no money left but in all honesty we couldn't put a price on the piece of mind we all got from knowing she was in a controlled, safe environment. We all miss her terribly, no amount of money left in her estate would have eased the pain of losing her.

Renting the house probably won't cover the costs of the care home, sadly.

I would be gutted too, OP, and I'm sure it's not what your mother wants. It must be especially hard to think about clearing the house etc when she is alive to be upset by it.

Unfortunately good care costs a lot, and it is right that those who have assets should bear some of the costs. That doesn't make it any less painful or upsetting though, to see all your mothers saving and sensible economy just eaten away when she meant you to benefit.

I have no desire to inherit a penny from my parents. I hope they spend everything on enjoying their later years. The house has no mortgage so when the time comes I fully expect we’ll use it to pay for whatever care may be needed.

The idea that it should remain untouched for me and my siblings to cash in after they pass seems supremely selfish to me.

There’s no such thing as government money. It’s taxpayers money, collected from each of us. Any benefit handed out in any form (however well-deserved) is a donation from your neighbours, friends and family.

With that in mind, you can’t morally expect to hang onto your mother’s house and ask someone else to pay her care.

Also, NI stamp is for the NHS which I would guess she has used plenty in her lifetime.

Could you not let your mother's house to fund her care?

I can’t speak for the OP but a month’s rent on my mum’s home will fund a week of her care. It will hold off having to sell the house but it by no means funds her care.

Could you not let your mother's house to fund her care?
We've been renters in that situation - was crap for us and they refused to spend any money to fix things and tried to get out of boiler checks as it would cost them some money.

Property will still require upkeep if it’s a prolonged period of time but the advantage is house isn’t empty.

If you do this make sure you have some "spare" money for time when the property is empty between renters of if you end up with shit renters who miss payments or look into insurance to cover that and factor in any management costs if you use a company to vet of manage the property - they can charge a lot.

It's very sad. Same happened with both my grandmothers houses

ohreallyohreallyoh is correct I don't think our rent would have covered an entire month - more eeked out savings they did have.

My local authority is a rich London Borough. A friend of mine sent he mother to a very expensive home. When her money ran out, she was told she would have to be moved to a cheaper home. My friend, who is very wealthy, threatened legal proceedings and had a doctor supporting her insistence that she not be moved because change is upsetting for those with dementia. She has stayed in the £2,000 a week place for the last 5 years, funded by the LA.
People on middle incomes tend to choose (or have chosen for the) cheaper homes which have large numbers of LA funded residents). In my experience, nothing is gained by self funding unless you can afford top of the range and have wealthy family prepared to threaten court action to maintain the same level of care.

You could become her carer in your own home or hers .

I fully expect to sell my home to pay for a care home should I need it. YABU and ridiculous to think your DM's NI payments would even begin to cover the cost of a home.

I don't understand why some seem determined to dispose of all equity before they need a home. Don't you want the best for yourself rather than being at the mercy of the local council where you get put in a home smelling of pee and cabbages?

It's a bit of pisser to see your nest egg of a £100k house disappear if your parent/parents need to go in a home, but that's the system.

I don't think there is any way (dodge basically ) round it now either, like the house being transferred into your name , or it being sold and the money gifted to yourself.

I believe you can keep some savings or house profit , but at the end of the day her care , accommodation , food and outings need to be paid for . If you aren't going to do it then you have to pay someone else to.

National Insurance is to fund NHS treatment and pensions. It isn't to pay for a care home.

Isi it fair that people with no assets end up with the same care as someone who has chucked in £100k via a house sale? . Arguments both way I guess, but at the end of the day the person with the assets has a care option, the person without hasn't.

I think it's interesting that someone , like my auntie, who led a quite affluent lifestyle for 95 % of her life with exotic holidays etc ended up selling her house and living her last days in a smelly nursing home being fed egg and chips for tea every night, because believe me even the best care homes are pretty awful.

It's interesting that in some cultures and countries, this isn't an issue as the family are expected to look after the older generation no matter how ill they are. The concept of care homes and nursing homes is a big no no.

I agree with you OP because I believe a very dangerous situation is going to happen over the next 30 years.

As the boomers die of and house prices remain inflated we are going to very much create a society of haves and have nots based entirely on inheritance. People whose parents require long term care, or live in a council house or a private let or for any other reason don’t own a property are going to become very, very much the have nots with only a few ones who earn a lot able to afford to buy their own property.

The haves will be people who are lucky enough to have parents who don’t require much in the way of care before death and get an inheritance to buy their own home and fund their retirement too.

Increasingly this will mean the have nots become poorer because many of them will be paying rent to ‘have’ landlords and enriching them at the expense of the have nots.

And have nots will have to work until they’re very old while ‘haves’ won’t have to.

Having such a steep divide in society often based on not much more than a genetic lottery is going to cause huge problems in the long run.

Op, I think people are being harsh.

I can see why your upset. It makes me angry that people pay tax and NI all their working life yet they are not entitled to free care when they need it, yet there are people who haven’t worked, don’t own their own homes who get it all paid for (my grandad has most of his care paid for).

Considering you wouldn't be living in the house that used to be your home, yeah. You're not losing your home, you're moving somewhere more suitable for your medical needs.

This ^
If she was moving into a bungalow because she had mobility issues then I'm sure you'd have no problem.
She needs to live somewhere suitable and cannot afford to own two properties... like most people.

It's interesting that in some cultures and countries, this isn't an issue as the family are expected to look after the older generation no matter how ill they are. The concept of care homes and nursing homes is a big no no.

Yes, but this isn’t necessarily because family are uncaring. Many countries where this is the case are still places where it is unusual for women to work outside of the home so it’s feasible for them to provide full time care. It’s frequently unaffordable for many families for one person to stay home to achieve it in the UK.

The second thing is that families are frequently not near each other anymore, lots of people with parents in London and the SE just can’t afford to live near their parents.

It also disproportionately impoverishes migrants who have moved away from their family and don’t have the family around to care for them.

Plus, migrants who moved here post 1997 won’t have the benefit of parents who lived here pre 1997 when housing was affordable and therefore can provide a substantial inheritance.

It really is very unfair, and when the boomers wealth starts to trickle through and it becomes clear that lack of inheritance is affecting some of the poorest and most vulnerable people I can see huge problems arising.

It is sad that so many people worked hard it was so important to them to be able to leave property to their children as they didn’t have others funds to leave them or accountants to advise them on how best to make sure they could leave as much as possible for their children

I know others who have signed over their houses so should they go in care (after it’s been signed over for I think seven years) it can’t be forced to be sold and little money will be given to the tax man

Its consecutive governments who have not wanted to raise taxes it NI, haven’t encourage people to think about their future but encourages the buying of property (that creates high tax payments) as an investment

We should have and been encouraged to think about future costs and they wouldn’t be so high of the private sector didn’t control the costs for housing the elderly

Re care homes, having looked at masses and chosen for two relatives with dementia, I can't say I think that the most expensive or apparently luxurious are by any means necessarily the best.

The most ostensibly 'luxurious' I ever visited, sea views, you name it, was where an aunt of dh (no dementia) placed herself for a month while her helper was away.
Despite appearances, staff were surly and miserable and the general atmosphere was neither warm nor welcoming. The aunt hated it and couldn't wait to leave.

When looking at so many, I often got the impression that 'stylish' decor and 'luxury' extras were largely there to impress relatives who were choosing. Particularly with dementia, cosy and homely, and cheerful looking staff are IMO far more important.

can't you rent her house out and make up the shortfall for the care home fee yourself if you want to keep her house? our neighbour did this, when his DM passed away they sold the house.

Someone who dies of cancer or heart disease for example would likely be bed bound, very ill and require medical treatment to the end, which would be provided by the nhs or charities such as macmillan or local hospices. They are often also easy to care for in their own or families homes with free of charge nurse care.

Whereas people with dementia may have a totally sound body and therefore be very difficult to care for in a family home, but not actually need nhs provided health care until their body starts to fail.

Some of the people on this thread seem to assume that this happens to everyone and you may as well spend all your savings/not buy a house to save it going on a care home, when in reality this must be the end for comparatively few (judging by the number of care Home beds vs the general population).

It’s a risk that if insurance were available, many would choose not to insure against anyway. Also, I believe that dementia and Alzheimer’s are much more prevalent amongst the working classes anyway due to associates lifestyle factors which must lead to a much greater burden on the state than on home owners.