Heartbroken that I'm being forced to sell mum's house, she worked hard for it and paid her national insurance

[Jkoakham]

And now her savings are running out I will need to sell her house to carry on funding it.

It all seems to very unfair, her house was supposed to be passed to me but instead it's affectively passed to government and private companies.

I thought the dimentia tax had been can cancelled?

[BottleOfJameson]

I can actually see OP's point. In other areas of our lives we expect care for conditions we can't help. If OP's mum had cancer she would be treated in hospital free of charge. As it is she has a condition which means she's not mentally able to care for herself and needs help. It does seem unfair to work all your life then for it be the luck of the draw whether you get to pass on the result of that hard work or burn through it all in a few years of old age. If OP's mum had given her house away to her children years ago she would be entitled to state care.

Personally I'd prefer a system of much higher taxes through out our life then proper medical care until we die.

[Enko]

Op I do get why you are upset. Selling your family home is hard. We are currently in the process of selling FIL and MILs home after MIL passed away earlier this year (Fil died many years ago) None of dh or his siblings ever lived in this house but its still memories and very hard to accept she is gone and its a tough thing to do.

Sadly money is needed for carehomes and to me it is a good thing she has the access to some so she can pay for a good quality of care. Are you in a position to buy the home?

[Bluelady]

Decent care is definitely worth paying for. My mum's care home was £1k a week and it was brilliant. Our local council will only fund £400 a week for people with no assets and I wouldn't put a dog in the homes they use.

[Doobydoo]

The care you receive if you pay 1k plus a week or have it funded by the state is no different. The people with 'assets' pay the difference for those paid for by the state basically. It is a travesty.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Slow down!

It isn't 'the care' that is largely being charged for but housing. The NHS can not afford to house the increasing numbers of frail elders. You know, those people who used to go to live with their adult children and receive health care at home.

We as a society decided we didn't want to have that responsibility anymore and so the government has made arrangements to do it for us... and that includes asking those who have assets to sell them to pay for it. It's easy, sell a house to pay for a place to live that will accommodate your health needs. That's what used to happen anyway - kids took in parent and maybe got a house as payment!

Kids get to inherit anything that is left over [bites lip on next sentence]

[StepBackNow]

It's a lesson to us all not to be prudent. We should all live in rented houses and spend every penny as it comes in. Then the state will pick up the tab when we are old.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

We had to sell my mother's house to fund her care home (she had dementia and it was pretty bad by the time a care home was needed).

I often felt it was something of a 'luxury' to be able to self fund, rather than be at the mercy of cash-strapped social services. I was often grateful that we didn't have to involve them at all - we didn't want anyone who didn't know her telling us what was best for our own mother.
Or trying to insist (as often happens) that she'd still be fine at home with a bit more help popping in, when we knew that 24/7 care was urgently needed.,

[Hadjab]

Just to clarify what NI is for.

[FlyingDandelionSeed]

How do those without tangible assets like houses pay for care homes and the like?

The government pay some of it and the care home makes up the rest by putting it's prices up for people who do have assets.

[PurpleTigerLove]

I think it’s unfair that someone who has worked and paid for their own home is penalised when so many don’t bother to think about their retirement. You only have to read the renting threads on here to know that a huge number of people will expect the government to step in and look after them in old age .

[BigChocFrenzy]

NI funded her pension
The NHS is mostly funded by direct taxation

If care is to be totally state funded, then taxes would have to rise. A LOT

So people who can never own their own home should pay higher taxes to fund other people inhering a fully paid for home ?

[Pinook]

Sorry haven’t read through the thread. A few years ago, I think around 2010, the Labour Party wrote a report suggesting a National Care Fund which would be funded by a universal tax on a person’s estate after death, for example about 10% of the estate. In this way everyone would know they could get care if in their last years they were unfortunate to get an illness like dementia that required a lot of care in their last few years of life. However, they would not lose all their estate, bar the last approx £20,000 as happens now. So it wouldn’t be a lottery as it is now.

It would be the same principle as how we fund NHS, everybody pays in, so everybody is covered if they get ill and nobody is faced with bankrupt inducing healthcare bills. Everybody pays in with the knowledge some will need to use it more than others.

[Bluelady]

Doobydoo, you couldn't be more wrong. LA funded residents never get near the best care homes, they have waiting lists of self funders.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

StepBack How right you are! Madness isn't it?

I feel the need to be financially reckless coming on.

[VladmirsPoutine]

@FlyingDandelionSeed Might a person then logically conclude that it 'might' be better not to have such assets when one reaches that point in life?

[dannydyerismydad]

We have had to do similar for both my grandmother and my aunt. And I'm sure in 10 years or so I'll have to make similar arrangements for my mother.

I don't care about the money. I'd rather my relatives use their money to ensure they are as well cared for as possible.

However I do struggle with the tight turnarounds places on selling the property and accessing the funds. Social Services putting pressure to sell up immediately, often meaning the property is sold at a loss. It's stress that the family doesn't need. And having to decide what personal items the person going into a home should keep or have to get rid of is such a tough thing to do. It's emotionally draining and made harder by the time pressures put in place.

[Celebelly]

My mum is avoiding this (although it's mainly to avoid inheritance tax) by signing over assets and giving me and my step-siblings some of our inheritance now. Given she's still quite young, by the time she potentially needs care, long enough will have elapsed that it won't be judged as trying to dodge paying for care (and we won't get stung by inheritance tax either). Obviously it's more difficult if the sole asset is the house that's being lived in, though.

Look, you can agree that it's necessary for economical reasons but that doesn't make it any less heartbreaking to see people stung by it because they were unfortunate enough to develop dementia or another long-term condition that requires a care home, as opposed to just dropping dead of a heart attack one day. My great aunt's assets were almost entirely used up in a long decline into dementia: my grandfather's were barely touched as he was able to stay in his home because his condition didn't require that kind of care. It's about being unlucky as much as it is about being 'fair', as is a lot of stuff to do with healthcare.

[Pinook]

You only have to read the renting threads on here to know that a huge number of people will expect the government to step in and look after them in old age.

Due to the country’s massive housing inflation, some parts of the UK are so expensive now that people simply can’t get on the housing ladder and there are more renters now.

[user1490465531]

Why should someone who works hard all there life have to sell assets to fund care when someone who has done nothing to save get exactly the same treatment.
This country does not encourage to save

[beachysandy81]

I think you have to think about it like it gives your mother the option to to be looked after well in her old age and she (you) will have the choice of the best care. She is never going to be able to live in her house again anyway.

Inheritance is something that we have to treat as a bonus if we get it but not an expectation.

Could she stay at home or with you with carers for when you are work and rent her house out to pay for it?

[FolderReformedScruncher]

I think there's a loophole whereby Mum could have signed the house over to her proposed inheritor and providing Mum lives ten years prior to needing care the house goes to the proposed inheritor. Correct me if I'm wrong. Part of 'estate planning' as they call it? One of the problems is that children sometimes then throw the parent out of the house in order to access the asset.

[KitKat1985]

I work in a hospital ward for patients with dementia. I can understand it's upsetting having to pay £££ for care home fees, but there simply isn't enough money in the NHS to pay for this. If your Mum has very complex health needs you may be entitled to CHC funding, but the criteria to get this is very strict and you usually need to have very high care needs, or multiple health issues to qualify.

For people wondering what happens if you don't have any money / assets to fund your care, there are social services funded places in homes for people with limited financial assets. BUT, be mindful that these are often real 'budget' care homes and often aren't as good as privately funded ones (although obviously this is a generalisation and there is a massive variation in homes).

OP could you look into renting your Mum's house out and putting the rent towards funding her care?

[bigKiteFlying]

IIRC having assets means you have choice, the better places charge a lot more; so done without assets has to go wherever placed whether it is the preferred place or not.

It was this way 20 years ago with my DGP - if you exhaust your money assets then the house has to be sold. Could be worse you might have to make top ups from your earnings to have choice.

The state isn't going to pay for care homes - we are already facing a reduction in taxable workers and rising health and state pension costs for aging population. Politian’s don’t want to touch it as having any kind of debate on the subject is politically unpopular – there have been attempts over the years last one in last election which is thought to have cost Tories votes.

On a thread not too long ago someone said their mum's care home was something in the region of 1k a week. I thought that must have been a typo but alas not

No – I can’t get that through to IL – my parents had to arrange payment for DGP so they have an idea – I can’t even get IL to consider moving to a property with downstairs loo.

They have “expectations” about us – but we live a huge distance away and I need to pay into my pension, pay down our mortgage and put some savings away. They don't want to listen.

[DieAntword]

So reading this thread has me wondering, is there some kind of insurance I can get now when younger (so hopefully not too costly) to cover these potential costs?

I know there’s such a thing as longievity insurance.