Heartbroken that I'm being forced to sell mum's house, she worked hard for it and paid her national insurance

[Jkoakham]

And now her savings are running out I will need to sell her house to carry on funding it.

It all seems to very unfair, her house was supposed to be passed to me but instead it's affectively passed to government and private companies.

I thought the dimentia tax had been can cancelled?

[sociopathsunited]

It's bittersweet isn't it. On the one hand, you've got the luxury of knowing you can make powerful choices for your Mum, as if she's unhappy somewhere she has the financial clout to be moved somewhere else. On the other hand, she knows (assuming she has the capacity) that the longer she lives, the less she can give you when she goes.

Until she dies however, that's an asset that can be used to help pay for her care. We paid for my Dad's care, and whilst it was financially painful, we knew he was contented and much loved in the nursing home we chose for him. I don't grudge him a penny of it, and you won't either. If your Mum worked hard all her life to buy a house, then I assume that she also worked hard keeping you safe and warm and well loved. She's done her job. Now her savings (the house IS her savings, I presume) look after her, when she needs it. It's not selfish of you to wish it were different.

[DonutCone]

Maybe you could look after her yourself?

If you can't or won't why shouldn't you pay for her care?

[MeltingPregnantLady]

Sorry to hear your mum is needing this level of support. However she needs to pay her board and lodging as well as her care Bill and if the only way to do this is to sell an empty house than so be it. The state can't keep funding people's inheritance

[elliejjtiny]

I know it seems very unfair but your mum has care needs that have to be paid for. It's not really like healthcare, it's more like childcare but for elderly people. My sons have sn and I will either have to look after them until I die or pay someone else to do it.

[BigChocFrenzy]

As I posted, there was a HUGE difference in the standard of home my mum got, choosing and paying ourselves,
than if she and I hadn't the assets

Assets / money brings CHOICE

Those who advocate spending all their money before that age:
You have far more faith in the state than I ever would

You can't predict how politics will change, as the demographics and the world changes

Pensioners could become the new "scroungers"
Will state homes still be decent in 20 years, or will they be more like Victorian poor-houses ?

[Mrsmadevans]

If you don't like it, why don't you look after your mum in her own home ? Then the house will remain yours in full upon her death. Seems obvious to me . I gave up my career to look after my parents a year ago . They haven't a lot of money either, it is because l love them and don't want to put them in a home.

[TheClitterati]

It's not just health care though is it. We all need to pay for our housing, utilities, taxes, where we live. Your mum now lives in a care hime or sheltered housing and has to cover those costs, especially as she has a massive asset she isn't able to use.

Or do you think she should make money from her house asset by renting it, and then get her living costs paid by tax payer. That wouldn't be right would it?

[TimeForANewNameIThink]

We had to sell my dm's house to pay for her care. After seeing some of the really awful care homes out there, i am really pleased that she had her assets that meant that we could choose a nice care home. She gets upset knowing that all her savings, that she wanted us to inherit, are gone, but i tell her, it was always her money, (never ours) and if we want money, we must go and earn it...same as she did!.

[Akaroacanon]

There was a time when children would care for their parents when they became unwell. There is now support for this, with respite, home nursing, social workers etc. we care for my MIL between us and it has allowed her to stay in her home. She’s 96 now. She’s happy that she hasn’t had to leave her home and we keep her safe and comfortable. It’s better for us too, as her home will not need to be sold and she feels loved by her family. After all, she fed and washed my dh and helped him to thrive. It’s only fair that we return that love and kindness as long as we can.

[Bombardier25966]

Why should someone who works hard all there life have to sell assets to fund care when someone who has done nothing to save get exactly the same treatment.

Why don't people bother to read the thread before posting? Having assets gives you choice, you're not just shoved wherever costs the least.

Care homes are for care, "treatment" is a very small part of that (and often is nothing more than having medication dispensed). Treatment is available at no cost, care is not.

[wagil]

What happens when the money runs out, does the person have to leave their lovely care home and move to a less lovely one?

[BigChocFrenzy]

Francis It's about numbers and budget
There are vastly more elderly people needing extensive care - about 1 in 4 in their last years - than younger people.

It's fine saying nobody should pay for their care,
but it just means someone else has to

Would people really rather have a really big tax increase, so that some other people can keep their inheritance ?

[noselimit]

I don't understand the problem.

Your mum worked to support herself. This is a continuation of her supporting herself. It's what you are supposed to do.

[Auntpetunia2015]

We rented mums house out and the income plus her saving she paid for her care is that an option ?

[BigChocFrenzy]

wagii Yes, they have to move to a state-funded home if the money runs out
The homes my mother went to recommended that people should have at least 4 years of fees available.

[ComtesseDeSpair]

If you were moving house, you’d expect to sell your current house to pay for your next house, wouldn’t you? Why is a residential home seen any differently? Your mum is selling her current house to pay for the one she needs now.

I understand it’s hard emotionally when it’s your childhood home - but essentially you’re expecting other people, many of whom also work very hard and would love to own their own home but simply can’t afford to do so, many of whom will not have inheritances of their own to receive, to protect your inheritance.

[TheShapeOfEwe]

Social care isn't the same as health care. If she was ill and in hospital she wouldn't be charged for it - that's what NI is for.

You're not wrong that there needs to be much better provision for social care in this country. Not because you deserve to have your inheritance protected, but because for those who don't own their own homes and can't fund places in decent care homes, the options are pretty dire.

The only answer of course is higher taxes, but that's never a welcome suggestion.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

MrsMad, not everybody by any means can afford to give up work to care for a parent full time. The vast majority of people who go into care homes do so because they do need full time care - by which I mean someone on hand all day, all night, 365 days a year.
Which is often difficult or impossible to provide anyway, in a normal family setting. And I speak as someone who has done it, for my FiL who also had dementia. It was around a year before the stress and exhaustion - not to mention the endlessly disturbed nights for us all - became just too much, and we found a lovely care home for him.

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

If you don't like it, why don't you look after your mum in her own home ? Then the house will remain yours in full upon her death. Seems obvious to me . I gave up my career to look after my parents a year ago . They haven't a lot of money either, it is because l love them and don't want to put them in a home

Thanks for that. I have just put my mum in a home. I didn’t want to but nor did I want my children to have the sanctuary of their home ruined by their grandmother’s hallucinations and associated behaviours. Dementia is a dreadful disease, requires 24 hour care and is utterly relentless. As a single parent With an ex who pays no maintenance I also didn’t feel bringing up my children on benefits was an option.

I am glad you feel able to support your parents. We don’t all have that option. And like the OP, I will miss out on inheritance as a result.

[TimeForANewNameIThink]

wagil the care home my dm is in, says that when the money runs out she will be moved, on paper, to the council funded side of the care home. In actual fact, nothing will change for her, same room, same level of care. I hope they are right and do not come looking to the family to top up her care costs, as we cannot afford £1k/week.

[ElBurroSinNombre]

The trouble with the current policy is that it creates peverse incentives that can be perceived as unfair (as many have pointed out). If you do the right thing (what the state would want you to do) and accumulate assets you get penalised, if you spend as you earn you get the same care for nothing. It is also a reasonable aspiration to pass on your accumulated wealth to your children.
There was a policy suggestion, made a few years ago, that those that had assets could make a one off insurance payment of about £20K or £30K on retirement (65 or whatever) that would protect them from care costs later on. This seems like a reasonable, workable, cost neutral compromise and it would also be voluntary. I am surprised that no political party is including this (or something like it) in their manifesto.

[PuntCuffin]

We have been through this with two relatives who had to move to nursing homes. One sadly died just before the house had to be sold. The other used all her savings bar the £23k reserve. Once it got to the point where she was no longer self funding, the LA immediately tried to move her to a cheaper home, with worse facilities, in a town 30 miles from all her family. DH had POA and was able to fight it, and in the end they backed down and she stayed where she was for her last 6 months.

If she hadn't had some cash, she would have been straight in the inappropriate home, without any choices. That is what having savings allows.

It does feel crap that people have to sell their house to find their care. On the other hand, it is not unreasonable that they should pay for their new accommodation somehow. And they no longer need the house.

[Rebecca36]

Could you not let your mother's house to fund her care?

I'm quite shocked about this, some years ago I read that sick elderly people would no longer have to pay for their own care. Obviously if the desired residential care home cost more than government allowance, they fund that themselves but the days of having to sell their house were over!

Most people want to leave a decent inheritance to their children.

I do hope you find a solution, it's scandalous.

[CanineEnigma]

I assume that if you needed to stay somewhere long term for a disease that happened to not be dementia, eg, cancer, you would think it OK to lose your home to pay for it

Considering you wouldn't be living in the house that used to be your home, yeah. You're not losing your home, you're moving somewhere more suitable for your medical needs.