My mother passed away suddenly two months ago, no warning, no nothing. She was just gone. It’s tore my family apart.
I’ve been with DP for 7 years. Tragically, his parents had a stillborn DS in their late 20s. They then had my DP’s DB, then my DP two years later. I was first told about DP’s other sibling on the anniversary (a year into us dating) as DP was expected to visit the grave with his parents, this had been going on ever since he was a child. His DB had gotten a tattoo of the deceased child’s birth date. 2 years in i was asked (along with DP’s DB’s partner) to visit the grave) I thought this was something quite personal but went none the less. The issue is I’ve been expected to go every year since then, I refused after the third year stating I just wasn’t comfortable doing this.
We have 2 year old twins who they expected me or DP to bring, I couldn’t do it. I told DP I didn’t find it appropriate. Not because of the idea of children and death (I have a hardcore catholic family, been to a lot of funerals for my relatives!) but because this is his family’s grief, not mine or DC.
Things have kicked off now with the anniversary being upon us as MIL wants us all (me and DC included) to go and “grieve together”. And then go for a meal this evening. I can’t. I simply cannot share my mother’s grief with others as it has literally killed me. It hurts so much. I don’t have the energy for it. I’ve told DP this who has passed it onto PIL, they think I’m being selfish. How the fuck do I deal with this. Are we both unreasonable in our grief?