First day of holidays and neighbour complained about children playing outside

[smileycath]

My new neighbour called round this afternoon to complain about my children playing outside. She is retired but works from home as a translator and needs to concentrate and my children's screaming and football games are making this impossible.

I feel gutted. It's the first day of the summer holidays. I'm a lone parent to three boys aged 6, 8 and 9. We don't have a garden and it's only recently that I've felt able to let them go out with friends on the street. They play on the road below and I can keep an eye on them from the window. They are a bit noisy but there's never more than half a dozen of them and they're not a nightmare.

She suggested that we have a compromise and that they be allowed to play out for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon. I couldn't agree to this and she obviously thought I was being unreasonable but honestly when the weather is nice I don't want them stuck in front of screens.

She said they should be in the park and that the street wasn't a playground. Fair enough and we do go to the park a lot and I try to take them out at some point every day but some days we're at home for longer periods and I want them to play out. I'm self-employed working from home too and have to squeeze in a few hours each day and this is often when they play out.

She argued they were old enough to go to the park on their own but my youngest is only six and my eldest is slightly autistic and certainly not able to look after the others. Plus there's a road to cross and somebody was recently stabbed in the park during the day!

My next door neighbour overheard our conversation on the doorstep and said FFS but his children are older and go further afield now. I feel like this woman is not going to let it drop and I hate confrontation. What can I do?

@ImAIdoot that's a brilliant measured post!

How long do they play out at any one time?

I am a mother and have an autistic 11 year old who is not responsible enough to play out. But we do have a small back yard and because of high energy levels needs to be taken out to park or something everyday.

Is it right to assume you dont have any family or friends who could look after your children for a day when you work and with whom you could return the favour?

I know play centres that do holiday schemes are expensive.

It seems you are flexible with your work times?
I have some with my job and do different hours in school hols and can take work home to do in evenings although this is interrupted a lot.

Although I think they are a bit young to be in street . I also know from where i live many younger children go out to play with siblings but not in the road.

I think you are in a difficult situation with work and child care but would be reluctant to let them out on their own and try to look for other options.

Noise from kids for prolonged time is annoying and my neighbours and stbex complain if the noise does go on all day as it can be annoying, but i appreciate your difficulties.

But we, as people generally live in communities made up of different people and while half an hour twice a day is a bit unreasonable . Having to listen to it all day for six weeks is also, especially if you work from home or sleep in the day as work nights. There needs to be compromise and tolerance on both sides.

@matchingpjs you do realise you're in for a dressing down for letting your children play with water pistols.....you know like replica guns !!

Op you can’t win. Clearly if your kids were on screens all day you would have judgemental posts about that too.
Your dc to be free and to play. It ya a fundamental right of the child.
Your neighbour can work in the library during the holidays if she can’t locate to another room

Playing outside is fine but I don’t think ball games are ever an appropriate street activity, balls fly around out of control and will inevitably hit others property (cars, houses, plants) which is unacceptable, bikes scooters, tag etc are fine but balls should be for the park where there is the space without causing possible damage.

Agree with Buntyl & others. It’s the summer holidays and a bunch of kids are playing outside. What a miserable selfish attitude the neighbour has. What next, insist the birds stop singing.?
Let them play, ask them to keep the noise down and bring them inside by 9pm.
And don’t let her spoil your summer.

For anyone saying they should stop screaming and shouting - they're kids!! They're on their holidays and playing with their friends and they are excited so its unreasonable for anyone to say that's wrong.
She'll just have to deal with it - if she wants total peace and quiet she should move to the country! It's the holidays also, she gets peace the rest of the time, it's not forever so tell her to suck it up.
My kid is only 1 but in the future if someone told me that he was only allowed to play outside for half an hour in the morning and afternoon I'd tell them where to go.
All the kids on my street all play together and run up and down the place chasing each other and having the best time and I would never dream of telling them off.

My dsis has just had similar from ndns. Apparently just because it's the holidays doesn't mean that the ndn want to hear bloody kids all day every day.

They live on a normal street of 3 and 4 bed houses. Dsis is upset by it.

If you live in a residential area you have to expect to hear other residents occasionally and those residents might be children.

I also work from home and get up at 5am in the holidays to get stuff done. If she days anything again suggest that she gets up early and you won't let the dcs out until 10am.

If they can keep screaming under control it sounds like it is the ball that is the problem, mainly because of the noise it makes but also because of the slope. Could you compromise on the amount of time they have a ball out there? When they aren't playing ball games then the slope is no problem, they can be outside your home rather than hers.

They are homes not offices and children should play courteously.

we ditched football/basketball for large chunks of the day as the bang, bang, bang was too annoying - the kids play badminton now which is surprisingly quiet.

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here Op. Some people seem to forget they were ever a child (who probably made more noise than they think).

Tell the kids to try and keep the noise down. Which in turn means you can tell her you've told them to keep the noise down. (Noise is almost impossible to measure if they have actually kept it down or not).

Do people seriously supervise their children every second of every day?

People also recommending softplayz the op would probably be £20 to get 3 of them into softplay for 2 hours. A lot of money to a single parent.

I'm all for children ( of appropriate age ) playing out, letting off steam, getting exercise etc instead of sat in front of a computer screen/tv but it's not fair if they consistently scream and shout. There's noise from dc playing and having fun and there's dc screaming and being noisy non stop.

The latter isn't fair. Not rtft so don't know whether you've agreed to sitting them down and telling them they have to keep the noise down or they will be coming inside. If you haven't thought about this, you must do.

Another working from home person here, also in a cul de sac with lots of families. Yes, it is irritating, especially the thud thud thud of a football going against a wall again and again, but it is part of community life and they are generally good kids with parents who rein them back when they are shrieking too much. And sometimes it can be really amusing to watch the nerf gun fights, and the falling off of roller skates... And I keep reminding myself that all the noises that we make are being magnified this summer because we've all got our windows open and are living outside a lot more than usual - I may also be irritating my neighbours by listening to Radio 4 when I start work at 7.30 in the morning. I'm also looking at the longer term - the footballing 11 year old and his mates will soon be of an age where they want to hang around further away from their parents, and I'm also keeping an eye on them for potential tasks in future - there'll be a time where I can pay them to feed the cats while I'm away.

I’m completely on the fence on this op, and for the record I think you sound lovely. Welcome to MN
I suffer from misophonia and one of my bugbears is footballs being kicked repeatedly especially against buildings. The screaming I’d find annoying but not so much.
It sounds as if your ndn must have been at the end of her tether yesterday; I wfh and it took a lot of repeated dog barking next door for me to finally say something, and it came from a place of pure exasperation.
I agree that your neighbour needs to be more tolerant seeing as it is the holidays and I agree that the theory of children playing outside is far preferable to them sat around indoors on gadgets. I agree that maybe you could agree a time limit with her morning and afternoon so she doesn’t hear them go out first thing and think ‘oh shit this is it now until 9pm’ or later. However an hour a day is highly unreasonable of her.

I would suggest that open communication is best. As a misophonic I find that it’s the inconsideration behind the noise that sets me off more that the noise itself IYSWIM (that may not apply to her of course). Perhaps tell her that the boys will be out playing but not before 10.30am and no later than 5pm. During those times you will endeavour to get them out to the park and to call them in for breaks, also to ask them to keep it down a bit and definitely get the soft football out!
Other than that it’s difficult to suggest what else. I hope you get it resolved x

As per usual on these threads many posters seem to suggest the only two options are “stuck inside on a screen” or “outside doing as they like”.

There is no reason whatsoever for children to be screaming and kicking balls against walls. So there’s an immediate compromise there - no footballs or softer balls and zero tolerance for screaming.

I can see why the neighbour would be irritated as OP is taking measures to ensure she can work from home which are impacting on the neighbour. An amicable compromise which includes teaching the kids to be mindful of surroundings is the best course of action

I feel her pain.

We've just moved from a "quiet" cul-de-sac. Every morning before school, the seven children living around my house would be out in the street at 7am, incessantly kicking and bouncing a ball off the walls, houses and cars, shouting and screaming. They would then do this from 3pm to 11pm after school. During the summer holidays, it's literally all day from 7am to 11pm. They don't ever seem to go anywhere or do anything. They all have enormous back gardens with trampolines, goal posts, playhouses and climbing frames and our houses are surrounded by fields and woods but they choose to play on the road.

I've never said anything, because they're children having fun, and it's not up to them to parent themselves. DH told them to keep away from his car once and was met with an absolute torrent of abuse from both the children, then the mother of two of them who came bansheeing at our door.

I am SO glad we've moved. That ball noise really got inside my head and it felt like I was constantly on edge waiting for it to hit my window or car. There are no children on my street now, apart from mine, who hate football. It's fucking bliss.

I agree with Jaques RE consideration. I wish more kids could be taught it then we wouldn’t have so many selfish adults who are now upsetting fellow mumsnettters with their loud music in the garden every weekend and shit parking all over their drives!
We don’t tolerate our dds screaming in the garden for the sake of our neighbours and I can’t say either of the girls has suffered massively as a result.

Kicking a ball against her house is just not on. Ball games aren't usually suitable for on street play. I let my dog out and she popped a ball some twat kept bashing against my car after repeatedly being asked not to!

That said, shouting & running is how kids should be!

Gosh ProfessorMoody that sounds like absolute hell. I cannot understand parents who behave like that, no wonder the kids are such entitled little shits. I’m pleased you’ve found your way out of there!

thanks lucky stars that we live on a busy road full of old and very lovely people

I don't think you are BU OP, but I did not like my neighbours DC playing out front with a ball, mainly because it kept landing on my car! The noise was not the issue for me. Definitely get the soft ball out!

are there no gardens at all? I am puzzled why having a garden will prevent the complaints about noise- a garden won't stop people hearing it!

Playing outside is fine I think and I think 6 year with older brothers is also fine. I don’t think it’s fair to play out with a football in the street though. Save that for the park. The noise from footballs hitting ways is awful and ball games are banned in many estates. I haven’t seen a soft ball so not sure if that is any good.

I actually suggesting the library to your neighbour is fine. She needs to do something to minimise normal noise for herself.

It was hell, pictures. I do have diagnosed anxiety anyway, it made me feel worse than I've felt in years.

They really were entitled children, totally down to how the parents were. If I dared to look out of my window when a ball hit my car, the children would swear at me, name call and make rude gestures. Absolutely vile, but the parents were the same so it figures.

We live in a cul de sac I have always worked from home. My kids were out in the cul de sac playing from around 7 years, although my eldest at 7 would have been allowed to supervise my then 5 year old up to a point. As the years have gone on the little group of girls we had then (who were a bloody nuisance) changed to a group of boys so out came the footballs hitting cars and windows, damaging plants. Indeed as we live in the cul de sac, people from the main street would send their kids round to play to get out of their hair.

Its taken 2-3 years of constant complaining (from me, no one else would say word) to get it sorted out but after one of the parents involved got a new car they didn't want scratched, its finally resolved. But of course, I can't do much about the neighbours in the next road running car repair businesses or constantly revving engines, nor the people next door who run a dog boarding business and have 12 dogs going apeshit in a garden 30 foot square. Then there was the year someone had an extension built so I was listening to the builders' Smooth radio and the like from 6am onwards.

But apparently, according to some posters here, providing I kept my own kids indoors all their lives and stopped them playing shops etc in my front garden, I would have been entirely reasonable, and in fact ENTITLED to get all my neighbours to stop all their activities whenever I liked so as to suit me beavering away in my dining room. Wow. I never knew I was so special.

On the other hand, my neighbours would have told me to fuck right off.

I hope you said this is the first day of 6 weeks. It can be irritating listening to other people's children playing but they're CHILDREN and as entitled to a life as she is. This would irritate me beyond words and my children would be out every day. With their friends.

Six is old enough to play outside and only in Britain would it be thought too young.
But when mine played out they were told off if they made too much noise and constant ball-kicking would probably count as this.