First day of holidays and neighbour complained about children playing outside

[smileycath]

My new neighbour called round this afternoon to complain about my children playing outside. She is retired but works from home as a translator and needs to concentrate and my children's screaming and football games are making this impossible.

I feel gutted. It's the first day of the summer holidays. I'm a lone parent to three boys aged 6, 8 and 9. We don't have a garden and it's only recently that I've felt able to let them go out with friends on the street. They play on the road below and I can keep an eye on them from the window. They are a bit noisy but there's never more than half a dozen of them and they're not a nightmare.

She suggested that we have a compromise and that they be allowed to play out for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon. I couldn't agree to this and she obviously thought I was being unreasonable but honestly when the weather is nice I don't want them stuck in front of screens.

She said they should be in the park and that the street wasn't a playground. Fair enough and we do go to the park a lot and I try to take them out at some point every day but some days we're at home for longer periods and I want them to play out. I'm self-employed working from home too and have to squeeze in a few hours each day and this is often when they play out.

She argued they were old enough to go to the park on their own but my youngest is only six and my eldest is slightly autistic and certainly not able to look after the others. Plus there's a road to cross and somebody was recently stabbed in the park during the day!

My next door neighbour overheard our conversation on the doorstep and said FFS but his children are older and go further afield now. I feel like this woman is not going to let it drop and I hate confrontation. What can I do?

It doesn't seem it is the playing that is the issue, but what they are playing and the subsequent noise; balls hitting a wall and screaming would get annoying pretty quickly! I dont think either of you are being unreasonable, she is entitled to say it is disturbing and you are entitled to encourage them to play outside.

I think you are being selfish and unreasonable, OP. You say you need to work from home but you are telling your neighbour, in effect, that you are not bothered if your own dc sabotage her work. If she is a translator she needs quiet. Frankly I am shocked that you told her to 'go to the library' - were you taking the piss?

I would think carefully about this one- there may come times in the future when having a friendly neighbour who has got your back will be extremely useful. You aren't handling this well.

They are YOUR kids - and your responsibility. You are creating bad feeling and resentment which will come back to bit you IMO.

I think yanbu. I work from home and my office is at the bottom of the garden which backs onto my neighbours garden, and next to the road. I just have to accept that during the school holidays, if the weather is nice, that their kids will be in the garden kicking a ball around and playing. They also play on the street and I can still hear them. It’s the joys of working from home I’m afraid.
She is being v unreasonable to expect you to keep your dc indoors in this weather or only let them out to play for half an hour twice a day.

I would however ask them to try and keep it a bit quiet and not take their football out (but that’s prob like asking kids not to run in the swimming pool).

I agree with her. I hate children playing in the street, it's tacky and vile. Garden or yard? Or park?

Nothing wrong with kids playing outside but also they need to play considerately for the most part. Of course they are going to get excited sometimes but if it's all day every day I can see why the neighbour is annoyed.

I have three children next door and I never mind hearing them run around their garden or playing games out there - but I do get a bit miffed then they repeatedly kick a ball into the garden fence between us, or are out making loud noises till 8-9pm at night. Not miffed at the children, but miffed that the parents don't seem to realise they have neighbours - I was allowed to play out but if we got over-excited one of my parents would tell us to cool down a bit.

On the fence here, school holidays started yesterday and I wfh. I live next door to a school which I don't mind. This summer though they have for the first time a holiday club and instead of being outside at playtimes, they were outside screaming and shouting all day. The playgroup leader shouting at them was as bad.

I shut my window and put the fan on, it was a pain, not sure if I can stand it for six weeks but realistically I could move downstairs to a different room and not be affected, so it works both ways.

Op, yanbu except about the ball kicking against her wall. I suggest removing it from the children each time they deliberately kick it to her wall.

Otherwise, outdoor activities I have found worked well for us were chalks, pots of water and paintbrushes and bikes. The kids can draw all over the pavements as much as they like. They can 'paint' pictures with the water and it will dry away in no time. Chalk might need to be brushed or washed off but it will also disappear in time. Our kids had great fun with neighbouring friends on our old road (cul de sac) and we could hear them from our homes, popping out every now and then as well as going out at the first sound of screaming - it could have been a hurt child.

Definitely offer to buy some noise cancelling headphones for her. If she declines, she is going to find the next few weeks very long and tedious. Also, do take your children to the park either first thing or last thing at night (bearing in mind the heat, midday isn't recommended). It will be a compromise that she knows she will have an hour or so of quiet from your children. You cannot be responsible for the actions of others.

I must admit I'd be mortified if I was told my children were preventing someone from working all day, to me that would be excessive noise. But there is a compromise to be had on both parties parts.

I also don't think children have a right to play in the street, the street is for cars and people without children have a right to peace. One of the reasons I have never ever wanted to live on a new build estate, the street is full of kids and bikes and balls all the time.

I do also think, and I think this because I have been there, that whatever stage your kids are at you are immune to their annoyances and expect everyone else to be. When you move past that stage you become conscious of how irritating it is.

There must be a compromise here.
Her suggestion of half an hour out morning & afternoon doesn't sound so terrible. Plus you said you take them out to park or wherever too to run off more energy. If you need to fit more work in then a film or set them a quiet drawing/lego/board game.
If you need to fit in more work than that allows, you need to organise childcare or swap with another parent imo.

The kicking of balls against walls and screaming would piss me off.

Tell your boys not to do these things.

I use to work nights when I was first living with my now husband and it was really hard to sleep in summer as it was hot bright and the children who lived in the street would play outside.
I didn’t make a fuss just told neighbor if her son kicked ball into garden not to knock just go around the back and retrieve it and I bought earplugs.

The 'playing on the street' is a red herring here.
If they were making the same noise in a garden it would be just as distracting for the neighbour. If the children are making normal noises (football, laughing, etc, and are not kicking a ball against her wall or going into her garden, then she is being unreasonable.
If you are worried about confrontation Op then make some small concessions: soft ball, more park time etc, but bear in mind she has unreasonable expectations.

I would like to think I'm a respectful neighbour when it comes to noise etc and that includes any noise my child makes. He is 7.

I don't allow him out to play before 9am even at the weekends. And I bring him in no later than 7.30pm so he can get a shower and chill out for an hour before bed. Obviously in term time he's in earlier than that. He is one of five children in the street so there really isn't much noise.

He plays out on the street either at the front or the back of my house. I am an end of terrace house and there is a square patch of grass between me and the next row of houses. My son will also play on this grass. In front of my house there is also the old land of a primary school. The building is no longer there so its just a massive grass field. There will be houses built there at some point but until then my son plays there. People saying that children playing in the street is tacky and vile need to get a grip. I have a back garden my son can play in which he does but is often in the street. Some of the neighbours commented that its lovely to see kids out playing. Obviously if I feel the kids are making excessive noise such as screaming I will ask them to keep it down.

Children should be out in the summer enjoying whatever outdoor space they have access to and not stuck in front of a screen.

To the original poster I think your neighbour needs to deal with the noise she can't have a work atmosphere at home and has to allow for disturbances. Obviously if its excessive you need to speak to your kids. Surely she can move to another room of her house. I think suggesting the kids get 30min play in the morning and night is a ridiculous idea and unfeasible. If it was me I would be tellinf her I will monitor the noise and if excessive I will deal with but my kids will be out everyday playing whether she likes it or not

I would completely ignore her.

Allyg1185
Perfectly put👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Screaming isn’t on, one of our neighbours children are allowed to scream and I sometimes worry that he is hurt.

Could you agree a compromise where they are allowed to play outside, but not with a ball? This might keep the noise down while still allowing them their freedom and would show willing on your part to your neighbour.

Counting my blessings - we lived in a house backing on to a recreation ground for 6 years when my kids were between 7 and 14 years old (2 boys). A gate from our garden led directly into the park. They spent whole summers out there, coming in when they were hungry -or when it had been raining solidly for 3 hours- !

So I feel for you OP - no easy answers. Could you club together - financially and supervision-wise - with the other parents and take turns on visits to the park/days out?

Ignore your neighbour.
Ignore the posters telling you that 6 years old is too young to be playing out.
Working from home comes with various problems and your neighbour needs to deal with that. It's her problem, not yours.

The neighourly thing to do is to try and keep it down a bit, and to stop them doing anything like kicking against walls but fundamentally children play in the summer holidays.

Everyone who works from home im a built up area has to make allowances for legitimate use of the residential space - children playing (esp in summer holidays), dogs barking, traffic, people mowing lawns etc, it's part of it.

Again though, being neighourly is best - considerate behaviour is beneficial to you all in the long run.

Playing out is good, outside her house not so much.

I haven’t much sympathy for people who work from home expecting everyone else around to live as though they too were at the office. On the other hand she is probably getting the worst of the noise and it sounds like your boys are a bit lively. The sound of a football thudding against a wall can be torture!

Encourage your lads to be considerate about where and how they play, maybe stick to the area outside their own home. She’ll get over it, it won’t go on all summer, just while the weather is nice.

Compromise for a start outside 12 hours is a lot. It makes life easier for you to work but harder on her. Of course your child can play outside and have fun but they should also learnt that compromises are needed and all of yours involve her

So you work in the morning then take responsibility in the afternoon and take them to the park

Secondly when they scream do you go out at all to solve their disputes

Ask your children to be considerate and try to avoid being too close to her house but to keep them in? No way. I am not sure your six year old is old enough to play outside unsupervised, but that is not the question you asked.
Your dc have every right to play.
I would not cave in. If you move to a family friendly area you need to expect noise and games in the holidays. Be polite but do not engage with her anymore

Mine were playing outside in our cul de sac at this age too. They had a little group of similar age children and would sort of run about with water pistols and invented many games usually along the lines of hiding from each other. None of the families allowed the children to play with a football in the road but we were lucky that there was a park at the end of the street that they could go to
I don’t think your neighbour ibu and I don’t think you are either.
It’s lovely that children are still playing outside , not all of them have big gardens. However I know from my own experience that little children paying footie can get really really irritating after a while. It’s the screaming and shouting that gets to me.
I’d suggest giving your boys set times for playing football say an hour at a time and then they have to play something else

I'm baffled by the posters who think six is too young to play out with two older brothers. What is the right age?

There is no right age, you know your child. For some it's 6 for others it's 8 etc.

I think neighbour is being UR but I don't envy you the battle when it's started day 1 if the holidays.