First day of holidays and neighbour complained about children playing outside

[smileycath]

My new neighbour called round this afternoon to complain about my children playing outside. She is retired but works from home as a translator and needs to concentrate and my children's screaming and football games are making this impossible.

I feel gutted. It's the first day of the summer holidays. I'm a lone parent to three boys aged 6, 8 and 9. We don't have a garden and it's only recently that I've felt able to let them go out with friends on the street. They play on the road below and I can keep an eye on them from the window. They are a bit noisy but there's never more than half a dozen of them and they're not a nightmare.

She suggested that we have a compromise and that they be allowed to play out for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon. I couldn't agree to this and she obviously thought I was being unreasonable but honestly when the weather is nice I don't want them stuck in front of screens.

She said they should be in the park and that the street wasn't a playground. Fair enough and we do go to the park a lot and I try to take them out at some point every day but some days we're at home for longer periods and I want them to play out. I'm self-employed working from home too and have to squeeze in a few hours each day and this is often when they play out.

She argued they were old enough to go to the park on their own but my youngest is only six and my eldest is slightly autistic and certainly not able to look after the others. Plus there's a road to cross and somebody was recently stabbed in the park during the day!

My next door neighbour overheard our conversation on the doorstep and said FFS but his children are older and go further afield now. I feel like this woman is not going to let it drop and I hate confrontation. What can I do?

I very much doubt that children scream more nowadays than they did in the 70s!
Why?

Yabu. The need for you to work in quietness doesn’t trump that of your neighbour. Parent your children.

Don't be pathetic and take my post out of context.

I didn't. You were grossly exaggerating.

Do you think that in the 70s, kids would have screamed as loud as they could and kicked footballs at neighbours houses?

I know from experience that, if they did, the neighbour would come out and tell them off or shout at them, sometimes quite aggresively. It could be a bit scary. There was no question of complaining to anyone about a seemingly disproportionate or inappropriate neighbour response. No such concept existed. The only response for the dc was to stop, or move, or run home feeling a bit scared then avoid that house for ever afterwards.

So no, no they wouldn't. (We did shout a lot while riding around and around the neighbourhood on bikes though. Easier to get away from grumpy neighbours too!).

I know from experience that, if they did, the neighbour would come out and tell them off or shout at them

I imagine most adults would go out and tell kids off for kicking footballs at their house today, too.

Of course, there's not actually any mention in the OP that her kids ever kicked a football at the neighbour's house.

From actually reading your OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable. Compromise is always good, just keep mixing it up and remind them that they need to behave or they have to come in. You are going to be the best judge of whether it's safe in your location for your kids, compared to any responses on here.

Yikes some of this stuff could make me feel like such a bad mum!

allmycats I never said I needed peace and quiet to do my work. Lots of posters have taken it upon themselves to assume I'm working from home for an employer full-time not prepared to pay for child care and letting my children run riot on the street. The reality is that I'm self employed and am able to do most of the what needs doing in the evening just need to respond to the odd email and print out a few orders to keep things ticking over during the day.

The room where our kitchen and my desk is has three large sash windows which are open and overlook where my children play. I can see and hear them and rebuke them or call them in if they are doing anything inappropriate.

My good friend also lives on the street below a couple of doors down from the complainant and their friend lives next door to her. They don't play exclusively outside her house and in my opinion they laugh and talk loudly with the occasional shriek rather than scream (this was her description). They play football but not normally against the wall as they are kicking it to each other.

This is not an all day every day event - I take them out every day. Playing out is a between stuff thing - before we go while I'm sorting a picnic or when we get back while I make tea or after tea or if they spot a friend out playing. I'm not offloading my kids because I'm a lazy parent and can't be bothered or because I think my needs are more important than those of my neighbour. They're not rude or offensive just lively and obviously I've talked to them and asked them to be more aware.

I am a bit taken-aback by the way some posters fill in their own gaps with what they want to believe and how it brings out their own prejudices. But there's also been some good helpful stuff here and I've taken it on board. Cheers xx

You seem reasonable OP.

There's a MN type who think streets should be empty, gardens should be empty unless you are an adult reading a book and that the 'right to peaceful enjoyment of your home and garden' means almost silence at all times. Anything deviating from that makes people the neighbours from hell who are always screaming, always yelling, children running wild etc.

It's sunny, beautiful weather and your children are out playing in the fresh air. Heartening and good to see, well done OP. Also playing just outside window, with brothers and friends is great - no need to be hovering over them the entire time. I guess ask them to keep voices down and to avoid ball going too near neighbour but honestly, try not to worry too much about the neighbour. It's a bit miserable of her to ask them not to play in my opinion - fair enough to ask to keep volume down but restriction to half an hour is harsh, although clearly others disagree. Are there any 'football camps' on over the summer that they could do for a week??

Wow lottie - that's the best description of 70s childhood I've heard yet - it was really like that. And I was a kid in the USA and the UK - climate and culture aside, it was like that in both places.

I suppose the main difference now is that it's called "screaming" - apparently 50% of the UK is now "screaming" and the rest are seeking solace from the "screaming"; some wearing headphones and earplugs and some of the "screamers" offering these devices/implements as solutions.

Where will it end - a Screaming UK divided - it's a Screaming Shitshow is what it is.

ILikeSpringRolls depends on the kind of translation. In my sector no-one uses CAT tools.

Signed, another translator who WFHs with headphones on :-)

In my sector no-one uses CAT tools

What sector is that? (curious)

I'll pm you :-)

No wonder there is such a obesity crisis, because it seems most of MN keep there children in playing gadgets, it makes me laugh when people say take them to the park!! What for 8hrs a day 7 days a week just so the neighbour can work from home!! It's OPs and her children's home too! It's a residential area!!

Just a warning @smileycath we live on the quietest of quiet cul-de-sacs. DD1 at the age of 11 ran out between 2 cars straight into the path of a neighbour's car.

Neighbour was travelling slowly so DD1 'only' suffered a broken foot and long term soft tissue damage to her knee.

It only takes a moment of inattention by child more intent on running over the road than checking there are no cars.

In a competition with a car the child will always come off worse. If DD1 had been younger she would have been shorter and her injuries could have been to body or head.

No wonder there is such a obesity crisis, because it seems most of MN keep there children in playing gadgets, it makes me laugh when people say take them to the park!! What for 8hrs a day 7 days a week just so the neighbour can work from home!! It's OPs and her children's home too! It's a residential area!!

Yes of course. It’s a well known fact that the only two options are play outside and scream or never leave the screen.

JacquesHammer other options? What is wrong with playing out on the street?

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/childhood-obesity-hits-record-level-jndrcqjpr

Speaks for itself!!

What is wrong with playing out on the street?

As you will have seen all the way through this thread, there is nothing wrong with playing outside. There is everything wrong with being a nuisance. Being a nuisance isn’t the only way to play outside. There are thousands of ways children can have fun outside without needing to scream or kick balls at fences/houses.

in my opinion they laugh and talk loudly with the occasional shriek rather than scream (this was her description)

See this is the issue, why do kids have to do everything loudly these days, what's wrong with just laughing and talking? Why is it always laughing and talking LOUDLY, and the shrieking

Why can't kids play without screaming and kicking footballs at other people's houses??

Again with the all or nothing.

I very much doubt they're screaming continuously or kicking a ball against a specific house continuously.

I know for a fact that there will be kids playing outside round here for the next 6 weeks. At no point will it stop me working from home with the windows open...

But why let facts get in the way of a good whinge...

Has she not heard of ear plugs?

I work from home, at a job that requires massive concentration. I live on a noisy street, so I keep the earplugs in. Not difficult!

I very much doubt they're screaming continuously or kicking a ball against a specific house continuously

I coach kids sport. You seriously underestimate the volume and pitch of excited kids with a ball

There is so much bullshit and exaggeration about "kids nowadays" on this thread. Kids don't "scream" more nowadays than they ever did. The only difference is that they don't tend to play outside as much because there are many more cars nowadays and so in many areas it's just not that safe. Therefore it is quieter now than it used to be if anything, apart from the sound of traffic. The lack of children in some areas seems to have given some miserable people the idea that they should never hear the sound of children. Clearly, if children are screaming and shouting continually it would be reasonable for the neighbour to ask OP and the other children's parents if they could tell their children to quieten down but asking the children to play for only a very short time period a day or only play in the park is ridiculous. It's a residential and she needs to wear earplugs like the rest of us do if we work at home in the summer.

We played outside as kids but no shouting or screaming and if we did it was inside. Also no balls on the road at all which is fair enough.
My kids play in the garden, to go on the street would mean an accident within an hour here in our village. However they are pulled inside for shouting, screaming or crying. Which with two girls is regular.
Playing with a ball on a street is a big no no. A friend of a friend was driven to breakdown by kids repeatedly pkaying next to their house and kicking balls int the garden damaging their car. They were on the bri k of bankruptcy and replacing broken mirrors and seeing you car ruined when buying food is hard enough was too much. The police and council were all involved but the very entitled parents didn't want their kids to play near their house so sent them a few dpors down to the dead end. It only ended when charges were brought and the poor lady had aold her house for a lot less than it was worth. So yes it's great for kids to play outside but not if it makes someone's life miserable and never ball games on roads.
Maybe I am a misery guts or maybe i think everybody has a right to live and enjoy their home.