First day of holidays and neighbour complained about children playing outside

[smileycath]

My new neighbour called round this afternoon to complain about my children playing outside. She is retired but works from home as a translator and needs to concentrate and my children's screaming and football games are making this impossible.

I feel gutted. It's the first day of the summer holidays. I'm a lone parent to three boys aged 6, 8 and 9. We don't have a garden and it's only recently that I've felt able to let them go out with friends on the street. They play on the road below and I can keep an eye on them from the window. They are a bit noisy but there's never more than half a dozen of them and they're not a nightmare.

She suggested that we have a compromise and that they be allowed to play out for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon. I couldn't agree to this and she obviously thought I was being unreasonable but honestly when the weather is nice I don't want them stuck in front of screens.

She said they should be in the park and that the street wasn't a playground. Fair enough and we do go to the park a lot and I try to take them out at some point every day but some days we're at home for longer periods and I want them to play out. I'm self-employed working from home too and have to squeeze in a few hours each day and this is often when they play out.

She argued they were old enough to go to the park on their own but my youngest is only six and my eldest is slightly autistic and certainly not able to look after the others. Plus there's a road to cross and somebody was recently stabbed in the park during the day!

My next door neighbour overheard our conversation on the doorstep and said FFS but his children are older and go further afield now. I feel like this woman is not going to let it drop and I hate confrontation. What can I do?

...im not one to give into miners

Who do you think you are, Gettingback, Margaret Thatcher? ...sorry, I was amused by that one & couldn't resist.

The neighbour has decided to run her business from home, rather than rent office space. There is going to be noise. If it isn't children playing in the school holidays, it could be another neighbour starting a noisy, dusty extension or loft conversion, or someone else's deliveries. You say she is a new neighbour, maybe she didn't understand that neighbouring children might play outside during school holidays when she moved in.

Ignore her, OP, your children's noise will stop at the end of the holidays.

I write as someone who worked at home in a similar field and who put up with all the many noises that went on around me.

Just some figures then about road safety, worth thinking about. This is for children 6 - 10 years.

• less than 20% of all road accidents occur on the way to and from school.
• many happen on light summer evenings when children are playing outside. Far less accidents in winter.
• more than a third of accidents were to kids who were playing or walking without an adult.
• less than 1 in 10 of all road accidents occurred when there was an adult with the child.
• children from lower socioeconomic areas are 5x as likely to have an accident.
• most occurred in the child’s local area.

I'd say if she's come round like this on day one of the holidays you might have to realise that your children are noisier and more feral than you have been thinking, and the screaming (your word) also hints that they are not managing to entertain themselves sensibly for long periods of time.

The bottom line of course is that children of this age can't be left to play for hours and hours without supervision and direction for the convenience of you and your work.

I know it is hard when you need to work and can't afford childcare but you need to keep a closer eye on what they are doing and think about how you will adequately supervise them for the rest of the holidays because on the whole people don't tend to come round moaning for no reason at all, despite how it often looks on Mumsnet.

Next time your kids are out have a listen to what they are saying and why they are screaming and you might not feel so happy about leaving them to get on with it for hours.

I think the fact that the neighbour is trying to work is neither here nor there to be honest. She could just as easily be trying to read, meditate or get a baby to sleep.

veterinari Actually ILikeSpringRolls OP also said

Ok. That reinforces my point. The kids from the street (because there are six of them altogether, not just the OP's kids) play in the street outside in sight of all their parents houses. In other words, they're clearly not being sent to target their footballs against this one neighbour's house and scream under her window, as numerous PPs have suggested.

the screaming (your word) also hints that they are not managing to entertain themselves sensibly for long periods of time

Eh? Do you have kids? When they get together in groups they are loud. They scream and shout. Mostly when they're having fun.

She could just as easily be trying to read, meditate or get a baby to sleep.

If a) or b), these are things we do around parenting our children not instead of. You don't send your children into the street for hours screaming so you can read or meditate. You read and meditate when your children are asleep or being cared for by someone else. And if c), presumably she'd also want the screaming to stop!

Screaming has connotations of children being upset and agitated. There are often really nasty little dynamics going on in unsupervised groups of children this age which you can't see from a quick glance out of your window from time to time.

iLikeSpringRolls

I’m not sure I understood your previous post but you seem to think it’s fine for the OP to send her DC away to bother other people away from her own house where she’s working, rather than deal with their noise/entertain them herself.

In which case it’s unlikely that we’ll agree this is reasonable neighbourly behaviour.

It doesn’t matter that they've not been sent to ‘target’ The neighbour. It matters that they are screaming, ball-kicking and generally being noisy outside the neighbour’s House and that’s where the (entitled) parent’s prefer them to be, whilst they get on with other things

it’s unlikely that we’ll agree

You're probably right there. I live in a place where it's normal for kids to play in the street. And it's normal for playing kids to scream and shout sometimes (obviously not 24/7, but OP has never said or implied that). I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's during the day, it's part of living in place where other people also live.

I say that as somebody who a) works from home, and b) doesn't have any children over 6 months old.

Barbie, I was referring to the neighbour in response to people who seem to think she doesn't have the right to a bit of peace at home.

Oh how times have changed....when playing outside in the summer is classed as anti social behaviour!!

YABVU, I can't believe you suggested she leave her own home and go to the library rather than you remove your noisy children from in front of her house.

They shouldn't be playing in the road anyway and a six year old needs supervision by an adult.

Yabu. So you send your children to play outside someone else's house out so you have peace and quiet to work from home. But in doing so you prevent your neighbour from working at her home. How do you not see that this is awful.

Your poor neighbour. You are being selfish and entitled. They should play in your home, in your garden or in the park.

when playing outside in the summer is classed as anti social behaviour!!
Playing isn't anti-social but their behaviour can be.

Do you think that in the 70s, kids would have screamed as loud as they could and kicked footballs at neighbours houses?

Last Sunday my neighbours kids were outside from 8am and pretty much for 6 hours they were screaming ect. Yes that type of screaming, I have enough problem with happy children noise but it seems crazy shrieking it encouraged now.

People do really need to teach their kids not to scream unless a emergency as it's the tale of the boy who cryed wolf no one will take notice in a actual emergency.

I think some people on here are so up tight. Kids play and scream and laugh its called fun. How many tines have u been with ur mstes on a friday evening and been tipsy.and the volume has got louder.

Also she isnt sending them away to.play for hours on endnso she can work. Shes letting them have there own free time and enhoy there holidays so they dont have to sit and watch her work.

Its called beinf a child. Clearly a bunch 9f u lot never was one.

Lots of spelling mistakes. Sorry

I think people's attitudes to playing outside probably depend on whether they have children older than 6 or 7 and where they live. It's totally normal where I live for children to play outside as there isn't much traffic.It seems bizarre to me that anyone thinks children shouldn't play outside.

OMG, your neighbour - and some of you mumsnetter - are a bunch of misery guts! When the weather breaks your sons won't be playing outside.

Do you think that in the 70s, kids would have screamed as loud as they could and kicked footballs at neighbours houses?

Lol! The exaggeration steps up another notch!

I very much doubt that children scream more nowadays than they did in the 70s!

OP - Just come back and explain to us all why it is OK for your childen to be playing outside another person's house (we already know that she is on the flat and you are on a hill), where they , and other children, not just yours are making so much nuisance that she cannot carry on with her daily work, Yet, you also work from home and need the peace and quiet to get you work done.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOUR OWN WORK AND NEED FOR PEACE TO CARRY IT OUT IN THAT, IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HERS ?,

Lol! The exaggeration steps up another notch!
Don't be pathetic and take my post out of context.

Honestly, once again why does it have to be all or nothing??

Why can't kids play without screaming and kicking footballs at other people's houses??

If there is no screaming, just playing outside then there would be nothing to complain about.