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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - expecting first child and DH has bought a season ticket

92 replies

Herbivore234 · 23/07/2018 13:47

Hi all,

I am expecting my first child in December and DH has just acquired a season ticket to watch his football team. This year there are 16 matches planned that he can go to, some of which are before the baby will be born and 7 of which are between Jan-May when our baby will be very young - the first is Jan 19th, and in March-April there are three that occur every other week.

Am I being unreasonable to ask him to give some of these tickets away, so that it isn't such a strain on me?

I think he is blissfully unaware of how difficult the first few months may be (as am I, I'm sure), and he is also out of the house 10/11 hours a day Monday-Friday. I have explained that on these weekends it would leave me as the sole childcare provider for 6 out of 7 days, which would be unfair.

I also feel a bit resentful that he has laid out a series of Saturdays where he will be busy, which feels unfair considering I won't have the luxury to make this kind of choice too.

Has anyone else encountered this sort of situation? And how did/do you get around it?!

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
SharronNeedles · 23/07/2018 13:51

I think YABU.
He can't just not do anything ever on a weekend or after work. He still has a life outside of being a parent or being at work, as do you. As long as you have the opportunity to also spend some time on you (out with friends, shopping, theatre etc) then it shouldn't be a problem.
Remember that when he is out at work during the week, he is working to provide for you and your family. His working facilitates you being at home and vice versa. He isn't out socialising or spending time doing things for himself so he deserves some 'him' time too.
Plus, if you are having an especially bad time around the matches, it's always easy enough to give a ticket away the week or even day before a match, but it would be a bit daft to 'plan' to give it away now.

Finfintytint · 23/07/2018 13:52

Get the baby some ear defenders and he can take baby with him for some of the matches.

BMOT · 23/07/2018 13:52

Personally I would say that yes you are being a bit unreasonable! Not meaning to sound harsh but youre having a baby not changing the world! Its important for both parents to still keep up activities from pre baby and hoe matches are only every other weekend at most. Just be sure to plan somethings for yourself (though not in a competitive way) and just say to him that though youre happy for him to go to the match turning into a all day drinking sess every time might be pushing the boat a bit

Usernumbers1234 · 23/07/2018 13:54

We managed and not sure how long his day at the game was, but I expect it’s shorter than the 6 hour minimum trip we dealt with.

Biggest challenge was around the due date, that was pretty much a month off, as baby was a couple of weeks late and stopped going two weeks before due, so probably missed 2 games, maybe 3 can’t remember.

Once baby had arrived maybe missed another one when we didn’t have support available (family / friends).

Within a few weeks of the birth was all back to normal.

Worst case I’d think it would impact 8 weeks, so with a bit of luck that’s 4 games, maybe less if international breaks fall etc. If you can find some other support for one of them, then DH probably only missing 3 games, which still would justify buying a season ticket.

Maybe a compromise and Suggest a couple of local away games later in the year in exchange for missing a few homes around the birth?

preggersteach · 23/07/2018 13:54

Yabu. Going to a football match isn't a whole day event, game is 90 minutes unless his team is hours away he'd only be gone for a small part of the day. Just make sure that you get some you time as well!

ItCouldBeAnyoneInHere · 23/07/2018 13:54

Send the baby with him! My dd1 went to loads of Liverpool matches with my dh when she was a newborn, and it hasn't done her any harm!

Ameri · 23/07/2018 13:56

I'm sorry but I do think YABU. It's only seven matches in five months. I know the idea of dealing with a new baby can seem a little overwhelming but you will cope. If he's working hard in the week he deserves some time to relax. Equally you deserve time to relax and have some time away. What's to stop you going out with friends at the weekend whilst he is at home and can look after the baby? Make sure you plan time for you too.

Usernumbers1234 · 23/07/2018 13:56

Sorry didn’t read the detail in Op properly.

Jan to May seems a bit of an overreaction? Young kids are hard work, but it’s not a two man job for 6 months. To be honest you’ll probably appreciate him being around more when they are over 3 and doing activities etc, can’t see why he needs to put his weekends on hold for half a year to take it in turns on nappies and watch baby sleep!

Doyoumind · 23/07/2018 13:57

It depends what he's going to be like the rest of the time. If he has no interest in the baby or helping out and goes out after work or has another hobby YANBU. If he's otherwise involved with the baby and around the house and keen to make sure it's not all left to you then he's allowed bit of time to do his own thing.

flopsyrabbit1 · 23/07/2018 13:57

i dont see the problem with the ticket

on away days you can leave him with the baby and do something you like

sorry but this comes upon mn alot,why when you have a baby do the women think that id DP has a hobby they should drop everything and be there with them,seriously you both need space and other interests

make sure you have your own time out also,but it seems like people expect everything to change once a baby comes along

you can have a baby and have outside interests and thats both of you

MagicFajita · 23/07/2018 13:57

Does he normally have a season ticket or is this his first? I'd not be cross if he normally attends all home matches tbh. If it's a new idea I would question why he's buying one now.

Amanduh · 23/07/2018 13:58

So he’ll be out for a few hours on 16 days out of the next year? I don’t think that’s unreasonable tbh. He’s working in the week.
As long as you can have some time to yourself on the other weekend days, and the other 30 odd free weekends...

Chattycat78 · 23/07/2018 13:58

I think it depends. Yes the early days are crazy hard. If he’s going to a match and then coming back, not so bad. If he’s going to the match and the pub and will be out for 12 hours a day with a hangover the next day, every other Saturday for months, then I think that’s not on.

If you’re breastfeeding you won’t be able to leave the baby for long periods for quite a while, so yes, you won’t be able to make that choice.

NWQM · 23/07/2018 13:59

When you say just to mean he hasn’t had one before because if so then I think you not being unreasonable to be put out. Him deciding to spend extra time and money on a hobby right now and without you feeling comfortable about it seems abit off.

LucyLou49 · 23/07/2018 14:00

Sorry but I think yabu too. Just make sure you get baby free time as well.

KreigersClones · 23/07/2018 14:00

I think you are being U as well, sorry. It’s only a few hours every few weeks. I’d arrange some ‘me’ time for yourself if I were you, it’s not healthy that stop all your hobbies/you still need time to be an individual and not just a ‘parent’.
Something like a lunch with your pals, an hour or two on your own.

Ceecee18 · 23/07/2018 14:01

YABU. DP has a season ticket. He or up with baby on the morning of a game, I took over when he left. If he's was out at an away game all day Saturday then he had baby on a Sunday and I had a day off.

HollowTalk · 23/07/2018 14:02

He's being selfish, OP. You're both going to have a new baby and it's obvious that you would want to spend the weekends with him and the baby. If he had always had a season ticket it might be a bit different (though I'd still expect him to give it up for the baby's first year at least) but to suddenly go and buy one now is just selfish.

JacquesHammer · 23/07/2018 14:02

7 matches between January and May isn’t a lot.

I think YABU. There’ll be nothing stopping you from you doing hobbies either.

hardlyawake · 23/07/2018 14:02

I would feel the same as you OP but then I hate football and the mentality that goes with it. However, if he wants to fiend his free time watching a ballgame that is up to him. You have Saturday mornings to do what you want, he has Saturday afternoons to do what he wants. Sunday, family time.

WinkysTeatowel · 23/07/2018 14:02

Why don't you see how it goes. You've told him you're not too happy, make it clear that you will need to see how it goes and he may not be able to attend all games. A bit of compromise and I'm sure it'll be ok.

hardlyawake · 23/07/2018 14:02

SPEND his free time

runningkeenster · 23/07/2018 14:03

If possible, ask him to take a half day's leave on the Friday before every match so you get a half day off to do what you want to do.

SharronNeedles · 23/07/2018 14:03

Just to add to my reply, my DH also had a season ticket, my DS was also born in December, my DH also worked 10+hours a day mon-fri and I breastfed so my 'free time' meant I couldn't go out for very long or wander very far, but I made sure I managed to fit some 'me' time in

AssassinatedBeauty · 23/07/2018 14:03

I'd be seriously put out that he hadn't discussed it with me first. Especially if it was a lot of money.

It should have been a joint decision, and he should have considered the impact of these football days on you and your baby. What does he say about the matches that are around the birth? Will he still go?

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